There are a list of words that I do not or try not to use. I am not referring to those words that none of us need to be using. (We all know what that list would include...) I am talking about words that when used either have sparked "disapproval" or "disdain" from others or from within myself.
For example, the word "busy" bothers a friend of mine because his pastor called it an acronym for Being Under Satan's Yolk. Hmmm, busy doesn't sound good. But it is a normal word in my vocabulary, so I just try not to use it if I think about it around my friend. I find myself not using the word "happy" anymore, because my pastor suggested that happiness is based only on happenstance and that joy cannot be changed based on our circumstances. So I pause when I almost choose to say happy or happiness and instead I replace it with the word JOY. Another example is using the words "hard" and "easy". I've been mentally trained to not use those words very often. My dad is the culprit for that one. He's always saying things like "Well, if it was easy, any fool could do it, " or "Nothing worth having is ever easy."
I have had a strange week. I have been fighting a horrible sinus infection. I've been struggling with missing my daughter during the day at work. I have been tired from not getting enough sleep. I have been thrust into an extremely fast-paced job and am still in the "newbie" stage. All of this put together has made for a challenging week. I would even say it has been a hard week. One night this week, by the time I pulled up in the driveway, after fighting DFW traffic, I got out of my car and just burst into tears! Argggh, I hate it when I do that. It wasn't any one particular thing that caused it. I felt horrible, coughing, sneezing, blowing my nose, and a throbbing headache...all day! Missing my daughter. Trying to get my arms wrapped around my new workload. Being so tired I could barely keep my eyes open on the drive home. It just all hit me at once and the tears flowed. I wondered if I had made a mistake. Was this going to be too hard for me?
What had I done, accepting this job and throwing the peaceful and nurturing life Gracyn and I had enjoyed for the last 19months out the window?!?!? Did it ever occur to me that once I kicked the sinus infection, once I got settled into my new position, once I got caught up on my sleep and used to this new schedule, etc...that things would be fine? Nope. I was caught up in my distress. We all do this from time to time in different times in our lives, when challenging situations arise.
I know that God would not have placed the job (a HUGE blessing) in my life, if I could not handle it. I know this, in fact it is not something to "overcome" but an amazing blessing in my life. I love where I work, the people I work with, and the ministry in which I work. And the truth is, I love the challenge of taking on a job that stretches me and makes me learn and grow at every turn. I love a job that is meaningful. I love a job where I am appreciated and treated with the utmost respect. I love a job that challenges me daily. I have all of this. I am truly blessed to be where I am.
You see, God blessed me with the position I have. BUT--Satan wants to steal my joy. Satan wants me to question my blessings. So perhaps he thinks it'd be fun to toss in a nasty sinus infection, a huge helping of sleep-deprivation, oh yeah, how about some paralyzing motherly guilt, oooh and a big smattering of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Stir it all up and see how this girl responds. Whew. He really worked me over. But guess what. I prayed about it. I gave it over to God. I talked with Him about healing, wisdom, strength, gratitude, confidence, and many other things. I knew God would not have placed me in this role, in this ministry so dear to my heart, if it wasn't something I could handle. Let's go beyond handle...perhaps He placed me there to flourish?!?! It is quite possible.
So, anyway, I woke up the next morning well-rested, with the sinuses under control, and with a peace and silent confidence that was more than I prayed for!
This last week was HARD. It was, but if it was easy, any fool could do it, right? I don't want things easy! Perhaps something in between would be good. It's funny though, as tough as it was, it made me even more determined and confident. When we get through difficult times, no matter what they are, we know that God will carry us through. He will. Plus, we gain and grow so much in those storms!!
So was it hard...yes. Was it worth it...YES! The last couple of days at work were tremendous. I felt good. I got a TON accomplished. I am learning and absorbing and enjoying the work we do. Gracyn is having a ball too. It is an adjustment, but it is all from God and thus it will all be a blessing to us and those around us. God works that way. He just does. Romans 8:28 (Check it out.)
