What a Rush!

I had a FABULOUS weekend! I have been given responsibility of a monthly event at work that was this past Saturday evening. The average attendance of this event is anywhere from 100 to 260 people. It is an event that has a good three week prep-time. No one who has been responsible for it before has really ever enjoyed putting this event together because it is very labor and detail intensive. And I have to be honest, I was a bit freaked out when they gave it to me. I did it last month, mostly on my own, but with a little "hand-holding" and it went off well. This month, I was totally on my own. And it went off without a hitch! It was awesome. There is a lot of preliminary set up and orchestration. Lots of data and spreadsheets and intricate detail go into an event that go unseen by the attendees. That's pretty much the point though. The attendee should just see it as a smooth flowing enjoyable hour and a half. I was so excited that it went so smoothly. I get a bit of a charge of taking over something that others think is too difficult and too unruly and has history of lots of minor and major hiccups and I conquer it. (Now, I've tried that with men too...ones that are difficult, unruly, and have histories of lots of disasters...not so much conquering there...LOL. I've given that up though...I'll stick with event coordination!)

I have the gift or affliction for attention to detail which allows me to function well in this role. Thankfully. And it works out great because the others that I assist/serve do not have that gift/affliction. We are all a really great team. It's nice to see a department/team function so well together and to have our strengths compliment each others so nicely. It's been a long time since I have worked in such an environment. I am SO blessed!

Just NOT That Into You! (or vice versa)

It seems to be an epidemic. Or maybe I am just now really noticing.

Why do people choose to settle? In relationships? I mean really. If that weren't the case, there wouldn't be such a demand for ridiculous books called "He's Just Not that Into You." Are we that lonely? Are we that unsure that God will provide what we desire? Are we that unhappy with ourselves that we'd rather settle than be with ourselves...alone? Makes me wonder.

I spoke this week with a friend of mine from work. She's in her late 20's and is in a new relationship. New being about six months into the process, and three years of friendship prior to dating. She knows that he is not anchored there with her. She knows he has someone else he's held up as "most ideal" in his heart, that he hasn't let go of. She senses his hesitation. She knows of his " other feelings". But yet, she stays. She hopes. She tries and tries. She waits. She wonders. She cries. I can wonder about all of this out loud (in writing) because I've done it. I am not just calling everyone else but myself out on this. I'VE DONE IT. And in the moment...I couldn't seem to help myself either. But when we waste precious time, precious life on someone who doesn't share the same level of connectedness and passion with us, and it eventually falls apart, it is devastating...WHY? Because we knew better. We knew we were making a fool's gamble. We knew we would lose and yet we played anyway. Is there anyone reading who hasn't done this? Perhaps. BUT I HAVE.

And what about the other side of this? What about the person who knows they "just aren't that into the other person romantically"? What about them? Ever been one of them? I HAVE. It's just as messed up as the other person's role. When that person knows they don't share the feelings, the connectedness, the commitment to the other, it will become a mess. It's wrong to subject that other person to that. Especially if you perpetrate it so well that they truly don't know how you feel (or don't feel, as the case may be). Sigh. I've been there, done that. Devastated people doing it.

So, what's the answer here? Gosh, wouldn't it be great if I knew? Am I just writing this to make observation? Do I usually do that? Nope. I don't. See, I recognize that in the beginning of a new relationship, feelings, and connections don't develop between two people at the exact same rate. In the beginning, those speeds are very rarely the exact same. But if there is a true connection, a true possibility of a future, they usually catch up to one another over time. And by time I don't mean three years, or even one... It's about the 4-8 month marker that both parties may have a good idea that something just isn't "right". And if both parties don't know, ONE does. So why when we get there do we not just bailout? Are we hoping it will just magically change? That we can magically develop what doesn't exist? DON'T!!!!

What concerns me most about this isn't the dating part, it isn't even so much, the anguish, like the girl at work, it is when we stick with it, no matter what erroneous role we play, and God-forbid take it into a marriage covenant. I know about these things!!!!!!! Then what!?!?! Then what?!?!?! Why not buck up and get out before you go there? Why not do the right thing, before you strap yourself in for life before GOD? Are we that afraid to be hurt and start over? Are we that invested by time that we can't bear to end it, knowing those months, sometimes years are all but gone? Are we just that insecure? Just that lonely? Just that selfish?

I don't have the perfect answer. I wish I did. I wish there was an easy fix to this epidemic that I observe. But it sure does help contribute to the explanation of the divorce rate. If it is not right...and you, in your heart of hearts, know it...don't keep on! I know it's difficult. I know it's painful. I know it's "HARD". I know you probably REALLY care for that person. Perhaps even love them. Perhaps are fearful of losing a friendship. Many reasons. Many easy ways to "justify" staying around. But believe me it will be worse if you continue on with the charade. It will be.

The girl at work, admits that she knows I am right. She knows his heart is not truly with her. She knows God wants better for her. And she cries. And she tries harder. But she doesn't walk away. I pray she will. OR I pray he will. She is young, beautiful, and a Godly woman. And yet, she is settling. But here is the REAL DEAL. God wants the BEST for us. Even in our romantic relationships. He wants us to have the best. HIM FIRST always, then HIS choice of mate for us. HIS CHOICE. If he or she is just not that into you...it is NOT God's best. If you are just not that into him or her... it is NOT God's best. Quit perpetrating a lie! Stop before it's too late. Step up. Be strong. Trust HIM.

My Love Story

It seems that when I simply don't think I can get through something, God shows me that I can. And then I think that even if I do get through it, I won't be the same...and I don't mean that in a good way. I think that if I do get through it, I'll get through it, "damaged". Why am I still so short-sighted sometimes?

Nothing I've ever been through, left me worse off than when I started...IF I got through it with God. In fact, quite the opposite. Every trial, every lesson learned, every pain and struggle has brought me further in my journey, has made me stronger, and to my own surprise brings me to a more joyful state of being and place in life than I was in before.

My life doesn't simply follow the old adage about what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. God has caused my life to reflect a step further; my life shows that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and adds a whole new level of joy I never anticipated or dreamed of. God has always been faithful to me in that way.

This year, thus far, has been a tremendous year in my life. Only one major hiccup and the truth is, that hiccup (which any regular reader knows was a heartbreak for me), that hiccup brought me further, caused great growth in me and taught me profound lessons and now, on the other side of that pain, has brought me joy. Great joy. Funny how short-sighted I was in the middle of my pain and struggle. Thinking I would not get through it and even if some miraculous way I did get through it, that I wold be more "damaged" than before. I was so wrong. SO wrong. My God, my Friend, My Counselor, and Shield, always gets me through and teaches me more and more and more. I wind up more joyful as He does damage control, He even corrected some past damage through all of it! SO not only did I get on the other side without new damage, I shed some old damage that I got "out in the world". I am better off at the end of a painful situation than I was before any of that whole situation even existed. AMAZING.

What a great God. What a love story we share. What joy He brings to me, even when I don't see how HE will possibly do it. He does. And then He goes above and beyond for me. What love.

Your Heart is Bad and You Know It!

So long as man remains no real threat to the Enemy, Satan's line to him is, "You're fine." But after a man takes sides, Satan's line becomes, "Your heart is bad, and you know it!"

-Taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge-

Is it any wonder so many men are crippled? Not physically, but emotionally and especially spiritually. Satan is a liar, a deceiver. As long as you're not a threat, he's cool with you. But, the minute you step up...he lies to you. He says all it takes to make you back away..."Your heart is bad, and you know it."

How many times have I seen this? I know people who listen to this line DAILY.

UGH!!!

STOP IT!

What Do You see?

Carlotta does not equal the sum of her physical characteristics.

There is MORE. I am more than my hair color. I am more than blue/green eyes. I am more than petite. I am more than my bra size. I am more than my painted toe nails. I am more than the smell of my perfume. I am more than the clothes I wear. I am more than long hair. I am more than what you see and judge on the outside. I am more than this fleshly wrapper that I wear.
I am the soul that lives within. Carlotta is more than what you can see, hear, smell, or touch. I am SO much more than all of those things.
Yet, most of the world sees only what they SEE. They think I am more than I am because they like what they see. OR...They think I am less than what I am because they don't like what they see. I am not a mud fence, yet I am not a barbie. Hmmmm. But, if I were either...I still would hold no more and no less value and treasure.
I am CARLOTTA. Unique. One of a kind. Not from a cookie cutter. A treasure. I run deep. I won't settle for mediocre. I won't be just another paper doll trapped by my connection to hundreds of others just like me. Nope. I am ME. More than just what you see. SO much more. And if you miss it because you don't look deep enough, if you can't get beyond the surface, if you see people as barbies or mud fences...thank God you missed it. I don't need short-sighted folks darkening my path. I quite enjoy the light of my path...no more "dark" allowed. I'll pray for you to see depth the next time you run across it. It is a far more beautiful world when you stop looking with your eyes and start seeing with your soul.
I see me. Do you?

Captivating

Next book: Captivating (by John and Stasi Eldredge)

Have you ever had God tell you that you need to read a book? I have. Ok, well, He didn't call me on the phone or come to my house to tell me. But in a matter of two days, two different ladies (not particularly close friends of mine either) told me that I really should read this book. The second day, I left the conversation with the second lady, got in my car, turned on the stereo and the people talking on the Christian talk-radio station, that the stereo was tuned to, were discussing that same book. OK, OK, I get it....I need to read this book. So, God didn't necessarily bang me over the head with the book, but He wasn't exactly subtle either...that's ok, I like that about Him.

The End...

I finished the book (Demon: A Memoir), Friday evening. It was one of those things that impacted me deeply, so deeply that I don't want the impact to fade, as most things do, over time. I think that the best thing for me to do is reread it again maybe a few times a year. I know me...I know human nature...I know life and I know if I don't keep those things fresh in my mind and in my heart...they may fade. I don't want that, I want the change to remain. I will let those of you who want to borrow my book to do so...but I do want it back! (And if you can, I would encourage you to buy it yourself. The author is new, this is her first book, support her and her talent by purchasing the book yourself. Just a suggestion, if you are able to do so. But if you cannot, I will certainly let you borrow my copy.)

Thanks for letting me rave about this book. I usually don't do that too often, unless I find the content worthwhile. And this one was amazing!

Are YOU Ready to Take Off the Blinders?

I bought the book that I mentioned in my previous post. WOW. I can hardly put it down. But I warn you, if you choose to read it, understand that you will never again look at the world, life, existence, spirituality, God's love and the ticking of each minute of the rest of your life in the same way ever again. This book completely strips away the spiritual blinders that we have placed on our own eyes. I am close to halfway through the book and cannot believe how differently this one book has made me look at my life, my spirit, my selfishness, my priorities, my God's unfathomable love for me, and the evil forces roaming through this fallen world. I cannot find the words to use to describe how completely and glaringly clear this writer makes our self-absorbed daily lives with the meaningless trappings we hold in such great value come into such clarity and brings our normal earthly priorities to a screeching halt in comparison to the BIG picture. I am completely riveted by this book and the paradigm change it WILL create in anyone who is bold enough to pick it up and read it will be life-changing. I am anxious to get the book finished. Again...WOW.

Demon: A Memoir

Have any of you heard of this book? Have any of you read it? I heard about it just today and did a little looking into it. I am not really into fictional reading, but I am kind of intrigued with how this book might read. I like a book or story that makes you get outside of your normal pattern of thinking. I read the first chapter of this book online and the writer, Tosca Lee, is definitely a talented story teller. Here is the story behind this story:

One day, as I drove the stretch of Nebraska road that leads to my acreage, I found myself wondering what it would be like to be angelic and fallen. Would I go around tempting people to lust, covet, envy... just for kicks? It seemed too shallow a motivation for any complex, spiritual creature. There had to be more to it.
Suddenly, I realized that being angelic and fallen was very similar to being human and fallen—except for one major difference: the provision of a messiah. I immediately wondered what it must feel like to be unquestionably damned—and worse, to watch humans luxuriate in and take for granted the grace made available to them from a doting God. And I thought: why wouldn't an angelic creation resent a human recipient of God’s grace? And why wouldn’t a demon want to prove that creature unworthy again and again as a result? Now I knew what it must feel like to be an angelic outsider looking in with jealous eyes and razored heart.
I re-read the story of God’s love affair with humans through this new lens and Demon: A Memoir was born.
And so walk with me now, and let me ask you: what if you made one mistake? One.
What if one moment you were worshipping the Mighty God and Creator that brought you into existence…
…and the next you were damned for eternity?
You had never seen sin, you had no experience with death, you had never felt separation from your god. But you had turned your worship to the greatest being under God in an impulsive moment that seemed to make sense at the time. You only belatedly realized that something had changed. You just weren’t sure what.
What if you watched as that same god replaced you in his affections with a baser, uglier, mortal breed—a creature made of clay. And what if you watched in horror as he breathed into their mud bodies the essence of his own spirit—a gift you had never received?
And what if they took every God-given thing considered precious by you for granted as they failed again and again… and then turned away from God altogether?
Would you feel some satisfaction when God, unable to allow them to continue, decided to destroy their world and all of the clay people along with it? And would that satisfaction be lost when you learned he couldn’t bear to kill them all, but had decided to spare a family—a seed group of those mud people to repopulate the earth?
What if you watched as God patiently taught them laws so they could stay in relationship with him… and they continued to do the same things that had ruined their relationship with him in the first place—and over and over again?
Remember: you only did one thing.
And what would you think if that same God decided, in a radical move, to become one of them, to take on that mud flesh forever, and to let them kill him, and to die for them, so they could be reconciled with him and with him again… forever?
You were supposed to be with him forever. You only did one thing.
And how would you feel upon knowing that not every mud person jumped at the chance to have that great gift that you feel so much more deserving of—only one thing—that the majority of the mud people decided they didn’t want or need?
Would you be jealous? Would you hate the mud people?
Would you want them to die?
Of course you would.

What do you guys think? Interesting concept for a book. Don't you think?