Diseased Angels?

When Francis of Assisi turned his back on wealth to seek God in simplicity, he stripped naked and walked out of the city. He soon encountered a leper.... He passed him, then stopped and went back and embraced the diseased man. Francis then continued on his journey. After a few steps he turned to look again at the leper, but no one was there. For the rest of his life, he believed the leper was Jesus Christ....

I bet that most of you have not been ignored, passed by, forgotten, left behind, despised or even broken hearted because of a disease. Maybe you have. IT DOES HAPPEN. Yet, Jesus lives in these people. And sometimes, perhaps when you've walked away, looked the other way, avoided, or simply just ignored someone because they have a disease, you may have just done that to Christ himself. Or perhaps an angel. Perhaps the reason isn't leprosy or even a diease, perhaps it is mental retardation, or HIV, or social anxiety, perhaps it is the girl who works in the "gentlemen's club" for a living desperately wanting a way out. Or what about the divorcee who has to live with herpes for the rest of her life because her cheating ex-husband brought it home to her? Or the person that always has that strange awful smell? The guy who always talks way too much and makes you uncomfortable because he invades your personal space? The strange couple that wears all black and are full of piercings? Life is full of reasons to pass people by---to not get too close. To be afraid. To ignore. To look away. To avoid. But what if that person/people were placed in your path to see just what you would do? What if it is an angel that you just avoided, walked away from, and hurt? What if your biggest blessing was wrapped in a package that you were "afraid" of? That's tough to think about. Really it is. We never know what God has planned for us. How it may come about. The people and roads to be traveled to get there. But one thing we can be sure of, we will encounter angels along the way. That is biblical. Don't expect them to take the appearance of an angel. Perhaps it was the person you just passed up?? Perhaps now, you will always think twice about it and wonder. Perhaps you should, like Francis of Assisi, go back and embrace them...there may be blessing there that you never could have imagined. You'll never know...if you never go... He is where you least expect Him to be. Look into that face again...you may be surprised who you will find there.

What If?

I went to an appreciation luncheon on Tuesday for ladies who volunteer during a monthly ladies event at my church. It was so much fun to get to hang out, chat, and share lunch with some really great Christian ladies. I met a few new people and got to know others better than I knew them before. We laughed, ate, won prizes, and had a great time.

The lady who spoke (briefly) at this luncheon also coordinated it. She had placed stars everywhere. On the tables, the little cakes were shaped like stars, our name tags were stars etc... This was because she wanted to say thanks to us for being "stars". She also spoke about the scripture in Philippians where it says, "Do everything without complaining or arguing so that no one can criticize you. Live clean innocent lives as children of God shining like stars in a world full of crooked and perverse people." (Phil 2: 14,15)

She said that in this world we really do shine like stars when we do things without arguing or complaining. We stand out. We are different when we live like this. Wow, how sad it is that so many of us are complaining and arguing, that those who do not, shine as brightly as stars. Stars are beautiful, bright, and twinkly. Definitely unique. Definitely not the norm. The norm is the dark expanse in which the stars exist.

This has really helped me this week. I've thought twice before opening my mouth to complain. What good does it do anyway but make me look bad? It doesn't help anything; it doesn't solve anything. It really has no positive impact on anything at all. Complaining only contains negative forces. As for arguing, I don't suffer AS MUCH, with this one, but each of us knows someone who does. They can and will challenge any one on any point, sometimes seemingly for no reason other than to argue. Every time you encounter them they push your buttons, refuse to ever admit they are wrong. They live to argue. When we fill the air with complaints and arguing, what a sickly black mess we add to the already VAST expanse of darkness! What if we simply change our hearts? What if we just make an effort all day every day to shut up!? What if we just don't spout off about a coworker? What if we don't complain about a vendor? What if we don't murmur behind someone else's back? What if we just "drop it" before an argument starts? What if we step forward in an effort to make peace with someone? What if we show others GRACE instead of arguing every little point with them? What if!!!!???? We could actually become like stars--shining, beautiful, clear, bright light into the vast darkness that most of the world sees and lives in. Wouldn't that be awesome?!?! They need our light, people!! They need the light of God, the source of our light! We should be shining it everywhere instead of adding to the looming darkness.

I am so thankful I went to that luncheon. I am so glad that scripture took a hold of me, convicted me, and remained with me. STOP COMPLAINING. STOP ARGUING. Live like children of GOD!!! Shine like stars in a world of crooked and perverse people. We are children of God, shouldn't we shine like royalty?! Shouldn't we share that light with the world?! We are called to share His light, right? Can't we also do that in this (seemingly) small way? No complaining! No arguing! SHINE ON, SHINE ON!

A Dead Woman Came to Life

Looks can be deceiving. Pictures can be deceiving. Smiles can be deceiving. This picture was sent to me this week from an old friend of mine. It was taken at the end of July of 2004. About 5 months before I was pregnant with my daughter, and about 1 year before I began attending the WONDERFUL church that I attend.

The thing about this picture is that it doesn't show reality. It doesn't show what's inside. In fact to me, if I didn't know better, I think I look generally pretty happy. But nothing could be further from the truth. I won't go into the gory details of what all kinds of atrocities were going on in my life at the time of this picture. Those things are forgiven and buried. But what I will tell you is that no matter what the picture shows, this woman was dead. She was depressed, broken, used, hollow, hurting, and self-destructing. She cried herself to sleep most nights. She questioned why she even continued waking up each day. She was in emotional and mental turmoil, abuse, and anguish every single day. She was always surrounded by many many "friends" but was excrutiatingly lonely. And those "friends"....weren't her friends at all. (With the exception of only ONE--the one who sent his picture.)

Looking at her makes me sad...but also makes me hopeful. You see it makes me sad that I walked SO long in those shoes. It makes me sad because I know there is a world FULL of people like her, who smile, and put on a really good act, when inside they are dying a painful slow death. But it makes me hopeful because I emerged out of it because of wonderful Chrsitian people in my life who refused to give up on me. They prayed for me. They loved me. They invited me to their church. They listened to me. They let me cry on their shoulders. They pointed me back to God. There is hope for ALL!

When you run across people in your lives, whether it is a stanger, a co-worker, a neighbor, or a long-time friend...look deep. Look deeper than the surface. If you see a smile like this one...realize that sometimes it is only a facade. It requires time and investment in people...a genuine interest and concern for God's children to really SEE. It takes effort. But I am so thankful for those in my life at that time...who went the extra mile...who didn't just see the smile and assume that all was well. If it weren't for them (my family and friends) showing me the heart of Christ every chance they got...I would not be alive today. I wouldn't. That is no exaggeration at all. There would be no Carlotta or Gracyn. But instead we are both here... THRIVING and living in God's blessing and deep love every day and doing our best to shower it on every one else...

Look at this picture and realize that it is a fake...the person looks alive but was very much a DEAD woman. Remember that when you go through your day and your life crosses with others to look DEEP. You could save a life. You could point someone's soul to Christ. You never know where someone is in their life and what they so desperately need from you...even if they smile and all looks well. Show them CHRIST. There is hope for all!!!

AMAZING GRACE

Thank You God for Your grace. You extend it to me DAILY, perhaps hourly (actually probably more often than that). I can never be good enough on my own. No works are great enough to deserve Your gifts. I fail. I fall. I sin ALL the time, sometimes unbeknownst to me. Yet, You continue to love me. I've been the prodigal, showered with grace and I've been the objecting brother who followed the rules and didn't understand. I've been in so many different places in my journey with You.

You sacrificed Your pure and blamesless Son for a mess like me--because You love me so much. Each day it boggles my mind, why...WHY do you SO love someone like me. I sin. I sin again--in ways that I don't even realize (reminded of this by other bloggers recently). Yet, it's true that Your Son's blood COVERS that. Amazingly, when You look at Carlotta You see Jesus. Not because of anything I've done, but because of what He did. Because of Your immense love and His willingness to be the bridge between us no matter the cost. Let me never be casual or jaded to any of what really happened on that cross and why. Let me never abuse such depths of love. Let me do my best to extend that love and grace to others...thus reflecting You, only You, not me. Help me to recognize my sin even in its most minute state, use the Holy Spirit to convict my heart each time I sin, big or small, please! I want to recognize it so I can turn from it and honor/glorify You. I know I will never be perfect, sin-free, or do it all "just right". If I could, I wouldn't have a such a dire need for You, Christ, His blood, His death, and resurrection. But the truth is I need all of that...more than anyone perhaps. Amazing Grace...if it were deserved or could be earned, it wouldn't be so amazing, huh?!?!?! Help me live a life that reflects my heart, gratitude, and awe of what You've done for me and the AMAZING GRACE You've extended to me.

Saddened.

I am sad. I've realized a few things today. One, is that I am inadequate in ways that I don't want to be. Two, is that I am misunderstood A LOT. Three, is that I am not remotely close to being like the one I so want to be like. For those that really know me, spend time with me, and have seen me muddle through some portion of life, you know my heart is tender. Sometimes too tender. Yet, when I interact with people who don't know me very well that does not translate a lot of times. I need to work on that...or stop interacting with people. (Not likely, as I am on this planet with a bunch of other people whom I am called to love...can't do that well, without interaction.) I am inadequate with my communication. My heart is OFTEN misunderstood. When people see/hear me, they don't often see/hear Christ, at least that's how I feel.
Those things have made my heart quite heavy. Makes me want to withdraw and hide out. I don't like feeling that way. Anyone else ever feel like this? Any suggestions on how to correct it? I want my heart to look like Christ's, I want it to come across when I communicate with people, and I want it understood. Where He was compassionate, I want to be. Where He was unyielding, I want to be. Where He inspired and lifted up and encouraged, I want to too.
I need BIG help with these. I am trying hard, but failing miserably.

Playground Bully

It's been a really interesting 24 hours. Sadly, not all good. But that's because Satan is alive and well, and unfortunately this world is his playground. And who does he want to come out and play with him? All of us. Only, he doesn't play nice. He doesn't play fair. He is rough and dangerous. He's a vicious bully. He's tried to pull several fast ones on me over the last day or so. He takes cheap shots; he jabs me when I am not looking, in places where he knows it will hurt the most.

How cruel. How mean. But that is just who he is. Sometimes I think he forgets who I belong to. He wants me to become bitter, resentful, distrusting, hardened, and calloused. He wants me to believe the worst about people and to distrust every living soul. He has tried to use those that mean the most to me, to hurt me. He wants me to give up my hopes and dreams. He wants me to believe lies that one of the cruelest people I have ever known said about me...that "no one would ever really want to be with you if they knew everything about you." He's trying to resurface old fears, mistrust, and self-loathing. And boy, he gets SO close to getting me headed in that direction. SO CLOSE. But thankfully, God sent His Holy Spirit to be with us after Jesus went back to be with Him. He did not leave us out here on the playground all alone with the bully. He gave us the Holy Spirit.

I went to bed last night struggling with MANY things. Many questions. Many emotions. Some really, really good; some really, terribly BAD! Took me A LONG TIME to fall asleep. I could have very easily decided to be angry, hurt, resentful, vengeful, and distrusting of all people going forward. But I cried out to my God for help. I don't want to believe Satan's lies. I don't want to become jaded by betrayal. I don't want to be hardened. I don't want to withdraw from others in an effort to self-protect. But that is EXACTLY what Satan wants me to do. He pulled every punch he had over the past 24 hours. He revealed his evil influence in the lives of people I care VERY DEEPLY for. He wants me to believe there is nothing stronger than him. But you know what, after that tumultuous night, I woke up renewed. I prayed for a clear mind and heart. I prayed for the dear sweet family that he is torturing right now. I prayed for a true picture of who I am in God's eyes, not who I am in the eyes of those who judge me and label me as damaged. I am beautiful and whole in every way in His eyes and that's enough for me. I woke up content. I woke up with a forgiving heart. I woke up with peace. I woke up determined that I am going to continue to be ME...open, honest, forgiving, gracious, and full of hope and with my dreams intact. HE WILL NOT ROB ME OF THOSE THINGS. (But I know he will keep trying...)

The Holy Spirit is in my corner. He helps me fight. He helps me to be strong. He helps me every step I take, every day of my life. My heart will not be hardened. I am not alone. The playground bully will not take me down!!!

Lurking About

Satan tried to ruin my weekend.

Has he ever done that to you?

See, he knows when I'm doing really well. He knows when I am looking forward to things. He knows when things seem to be going smoothly. Those are the times he pounces.

The great thing is that I am starting to recognize those "vulnerable" times and I anticipate his arrival on the scene. This time it happened Friday morning. I was in a particularly good mood. Looking forward to my day at work and the activities therein. I was looking forward to my evening plans. I was looking forward to my Saturday and Sunday off work. I was cruising a long in my joyful state...but watchful of him lurking behind the bushes or down the long corridor. It didn't take him long to find me and start chipping away at my joy. And for about an hour right after I arrived at work...I let him get to me a little bit. But then I saw it for what it was. I saw him for what he is. A liar and a deciver. Once I pulled away from the problems he was attempting to create and I saw that it was just a ploy to steal my joy; I laughed. I laughed at myself for falling for it, although briefly. I knew it was coming. It ALWAYS does. But I laughed because I also had the power to stop his plan, and I liked that. He could continue to throw things in my path, (and he did), but his junk is not what controls my joy. My joy is not found in my circumstances. Although he continues to believe it is...or at least he tries to convince me of that. But I know the TRUTH.

So once I figured that out and plowed through the obstacles he kept throwing at me...I had a great day and night. I had a joyful weekend--despite some tough news and some challenges. Life will always have challenges, sad news, this or that...it always will. But it is my choice to allow him to steal my joy or to hold tightly to it. The price for that joy was my savior's life...how dare I let that little twit steal it from me!

My week will be just as great as my weekend! I am loved and saved. What more could I want?