It's been some time since I have felt led to write. When I am walking in the midst of a problem, I don't write. I wait to write until I make it through on the other side. I do that for a reason. I used to write in the middle of struggles and got burned with things I said or assumptions I made, etc... As I get older, I learn from my mistakes. I know ME and I know NOW that it is best that I keep my mouth shut until I have made it through. Until that time, I don't necessarily know what in the world I am talking about. LOL.
Lately I have walked through some "interesting" struggles. Career-related, parenting-related, and heart-related. I truly didn't know what to do. At some points all I could do was hold on tight and trust God, completely unable to see any hope. That's what I do when I have ZERO idea of how to take my next step...or breath. It's also extremely HARD for me to do. I want to DO something, FIX something, PLAN something...it is a control issue. I am, in many aspects of my life, a ridiculous control freak. Control is hard for me to relinquish. But I am learning to give it up despite my insides screaming at me to hold onto it.
So, despite my every internal human instinct, I let go of the reins. It was a terrifying thing for me. It always is... BUT, as He always does, GOD came through. He came through in MIGHTY MIGHTY ways. You'd think at this point in my life I would be gleefully throwing Him the reins at any and every given opportunity, knowing how victoriously He always handles my "issues". DUH. I am learning but I am still VERY human. All of the areas I was struggling with have turned into beautiful and yet very surprising blessings. My job has become a great source of fulfillment again. So much so that my "cup runneth over." The parenting issue has taken an exciting turn in a way that I couldn't have orchestrated on my own EVER! And the heart issue has brought me to a place I didn't realize was even an option. I was so blinded by my own ideas, plans, and perceptions.
I unknowingly create these little boxes (ideas, plans, etc) and cram myself into them, still unknowingly. Then life happens and it doesn't fit my boxes and yet even though I am terribly uncomfortable crammed into them, I am horrified to get out of my box. My mind thinks that they are the ONLY way. It is MY life after all, right, and I thought these things up, so they must be "right" for me. HA!! WRONG! So this time, I crawled out. I let God be the designer...my life after all belongs to Him. So HIS plan is truly right for me. Why do I fight it so often? I can be such a goofball some times.
So there you have it, my 263,533rd blog of how God worked it all out because I let go of control and crawled out of the goofy Carlotta-box into the life GOD-designed for me all along. It is a great place to be. Those stupid boxes I keep making are ridiculous. Perhaps when my time runs out, I will have stopped making them and cramming myself into them. Silly Carlotta.
Thank you God for revealing YOUR plans to me in the specific situations I was struggling with. I simply could not see, and you opened my eyes to possibilities that I had blocked from view. You've again blessed my socks off. I promise to try to keep giving You more opportunities to do so, instead of boxing You out. ;)
I am ready for a box burning party.
