Not-So-Random Piece of Paper

I wouldn’t call it “bitter” or “resentful”, but when Father’s Day rolls around a part of me aches. Fortunately, I have an exceptional dad. That’s not the source of my pain. It's my daughter’s lack of a dad. I know, I know; she has a wonderful PawPaw, Uncle Jeff, Mr. Ken, Mr. Buster, etc…the list goes on and on. But, this little girl does not have a dad. Not the way it is “supposed to be.”

Every year at church or at school they make something to take home to their dads. (Knife to the heart…) The first year this happened was the worst for me. I didn’t expect it to catch me off-guard the way it did. In her bag was a laminated construction paper football that said, “Thanks for always catching me, daddy!” Who was I supposed to give this to? What was I supposed to do with this horrible reminder of her situation? I knew she had no idea what it was about really; she was only 18 months old after all. But it sent a pain through my heart that stung quite deeply. (Especially since I knew the years to follow would be marked with these kinds of things over and over again.) But we moved forward as we always do.

Let me take you forward to THIS year. In her bag I found a piece of white paper with little informational things about “my daddy.” It had sentences like, “My daddy’s favorite thing to do is_______.” My daddy’s eyes are________.” Etc… I was told that my daughter worked on this and filled it out about her PawPaw. OK, that works for me. It was cute (and funny) and decorated in browns and blues. This little paper had a larger colored piece of construction paper glued to the back, as a background. My daughter was the last one to select her background paper from the large stack (about an inch thick stack, I’m told) of construction paper. The piece she chose, from the middle of the stack had actually been used before. It was a “scrap piece” that her teacher didn’t realize was put back in there. Turns out, it was the only “scrap piece” in the whole stack. Of course that’s the one she picked. Of course! You see, even though she couldn’t see what that page really was when she selected it and pulled it from the stack…God knew. That one lone page was a page previously used to cut out a shape of a cross. So what was left was a sheet of paper with a beautiful cross shaped hole in it. THAT page is the one glued to the back of her informational paper about “her daddy.”

You may think that is merely coincidence. I don’t, and neither did her teacher who was also moved to tears by this incident. I think my little girl selected that particular piece because of the Holy Spirit. Not so much for her, because at this point she still doesn’t understand all of this “grown up stuff.” But God knows that her teacher could use this to reinforce what God means to her as her Father and so that I could also be comforted by this as well. There is a hole in this child’s heart…but just like this paper, it can only be filled by our loving Father, a Father so loving that He sent His Son to die for us. THAT is her Father. That is the reminder of His love. The cross. That is the hole in the page. That is the hole in her heart. ONLY GOD, through CHRIST can fill it. And He will…

Little things will probably always have a sting when it comes to her dad. This is reality. But I love my Lord so much; He reminds us that He holds that little girl so close to His heart. He reminds me daily how unique and special she truly is and He has filled her life with MANY amazing men. She is SO blessed. And so am I. I know she means SO much to Him and I never doubt how special she is to Him.

I love you Father God. Father to the fatherless! Please always hold her extra close. She needs You very much; and so do I. Thank You for this unique little blessing on a not-so-random piece of construction paper. You amaze me every day!

Endings are for Gratitude, Beginnings are for Faith

Gracious Father, grant me a spirit of gratitude. Help me feel the preciousness of past grace. Give me an honest memory of mercy. Forgive me for the pride of unremembered gifts and callous thanklessness. Awaken faith in my wavering soul and give me strong confidence in Your solid promises. Where past and future meet make me humble and bold.

In Christ's Precious Name,

AMEN

Thanks to John Piper for the words.

Mama Bear Meeting

I am waiting to go into a meeting. This is not the normal meeting. Not a brainstorming meeting. Not a project planning meeting. Not a "status update" meeting. It is a Mama Bear meeting.

What do I mean by that? I mean, this is a meeting where I stop being "nicey-nice" and I stand up for what is one of the most important things in my life: MY Baby Bear. The great thing is that this mama bear was intentional in her meeting preparation. This mama bear talked with fellow mama bears and is armed with lots of pertinent info. It takes A WHOLE LOT to get me to become ferocious. It takes A WHOLE LOT to move me beyond "nicey-nice." But it happens from time to time. And today is one of those times. Mama Bear is armed and ready. She's been prayerful and purposeful. The care and emotional well-being of my little critter is of the utmost importance to me and it is in question.

The pressure here is that a handful of other mama bears are counting on me to speak up and speak out...because it affects their little baby bears too. The mama bears are unsettled and that is NEVER a good thing. But this mama bear has had enough. Someone must stand up and take the risk (and there is RISK.) Deep breath....

It is tough for me to stand up, claws at the ready, bow out my chest, and let out a growl that curdles the blood of those nearby, but that is where we are today. Mama bear is coming! And she is not a happy bear.