Does SIZE Really Matter?

I am taking a wonderful class at my church this month. It is a class for single adults, with some focus on dating and relationships... I am really enjoying it, more so than I thought I would. As I was telling a friend about it the other day, it almost crossed my mind to say that the class wasn’t presenting anything that I didn’t already know. But then I caught myself realizing that wasn’t true. It is a four-session class. I’ve been to two sessions so far. In those sessions, I’ve been pointed to scripture that has proven incredibly useful already in just the past week or so. Plus the concepts that we are covering, are things I already know but are being presented in ways I may not have considered before. So on the surface, this class may appear to be “standard singles content”, but it isn’t at all. And I am so glad I am taking the class.

One thing that we covered last week was the idea of being with someone who can accept rebuke (to admonish gently but earnestly). This topic was presented in a dating/relationship scenario, which is SO VERY important, but can be applied to all of those we “do life” with, I call those people my friends. In our class they quoted a few scriptures in Proverbs (my dear friend Proverbs), that I now have used many times this week. I love it when I find scriptures that immediately jump out at me and can be applied to my life right then and there.

Proverbs 27:5 says, “An open rebuke is better than hidden love.” I love that. However, so many times people choose to take the “easy” road and remain silent instead of openly rebuking someone in their life. It’s so hard to do because you may or may not know how the receiver will react to it. In the class, we were learning to look for those people who are accepting and appreciative of being called into accountability and Godliness. We should share our lives with those who can say, “You are right, I am in the wrong and I will make the necessary changes.” Those who are able to say they are sorry and say when they are wrong are the kind of people we should choose to date etc…But since I am not dating at the moment and don’t have to establish that right now in that venue, I chose to look at it from a standpoint of who I “do life” with. In that perspective it made me take a close look at my friends.

From one perspective, we should seek out those who we know will call us into accountability and rebuke us when we need it. Sometimes we surround ourselves with those people who simply keep their mouths shut and let us go on in error and in sinfulness without saying a word to us. It may “seem” easier that way. No one particularly LIKES being corrected or rebuked. I don’t. You don’t either. But it is SO needed. Not only is it needed, it is Biblical! So my suggestion is to draw closest to you, the people that you know will hold you to God’s standards of living. Cherish them, even when it hurts your pride or injures your feelings, for they are a true blessing. Those are the people who truly love you the MOST. They love you enough to do what’s hard and to say what’s difficult because of their love and care for you. INVALUABLE!

The other perspective is to keep “at arms length” those who will not be accepting of your own Biblical and Godly rebuke. This is not always easy to do as caring, concerned, loving Christian people. I know!!! However, discernment is also Biblical and I believe that people who are not able to accept rebuke and Godly and Biblical advice or correction are toxic--I know, because I have been one of them! Now, DO NOT get me wrong--I believe we are called to love these toxic people, care for these people, pray for these people and befriend them. BUT, and that is a big BUT, they must not be a part of those whom you draw nearest, and as my class was teaching, not someone you’d draw together with into a relationship (dating). Those with whom you choose to draw nearest need to be of the same heart, spirit, and mind as you. They need to be Christ followers in all ways, not in just what they say, BUT in what they DO. Those who follow Christ and obey God’s commands, are open to rebuke and will never turn their back on you for doing what is right. Those are our truest friends and brothers and sisters in Christ. Those are who we travel closest to through this journey.

I have had to make many tough decisions and cut my circle of friends into a VERY small selection, because of this standard, over the past few years/months. That’s ok with me. I am not mean because I don’t allow everyone close to my heart. I am not mean because I will rebuke those I love. I am not crazy because I ask others to call me into Godly and Biblical accountability. I don’t measure my value on the number of friends I have, but the Godly value they have in my walk and the Godly value I have in theirs. My circle of friends is very small. Size doesn't matter at all! I have many other “friends/acquaintances” in my world too. There are a myriad of reasons I have chosen such a small group to be truly CLOSE to---It could be for reasons of spiritual like-mindedness, could be just normal personality matches, it could be for Proverbs 27:5 reasons, it could be a multitude of reasons. There are many suggestions and guidelines found in scripture to help us know who to draw closest to in our lives. This doesn’t mean we have to shun, disown, or make enemies of the others, it just means we guard our hearts and lives closely and base our choices on scripture and seek out those striving to reflect the heart of Christ in their lives, words, and actions. The size of your circle doesn't matter, only that the ingredients are "non-toxic".

Proverbs, as I have mentioned before, is a treasure trove of Godly wisdom. Do more than read it--apply it.