Competing for my heart...

Can anything compete with God? I mean nothing is bigger, stronger, wiser, more powerful than God right? God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. ONE. The trinity. The ultimate. Nothing can conquer God. Nothing at all.

Yet there are things in our lives that compete with God...and WIN. Not because God can't overcome them, but because we allow them to take precedence over Him in our lives. It happens all the time. Even to wonderful, faithful, Christian people. It happens to me.

What is competing with God in your life? Is it your career? Is it the "love of your life"? Your home, your car, your family, your friends? Money? What is it that takes up most of the space in your thoughts throughout your day? Gas prices? Ha!

God wants to be everything to you. I hear people who constantly talk about this or that thing ALL the time. What you spend the most time doing, the most time thinking about, and the most time talking about really reveals what takes the highest position in your life. What we talk about most is very revealing. From the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. What is it that you talk most about? Yourself? Your girlfriend? Your job? Your kid? Food? Your body? What is it?

I know we cannot be fully functioning human beings if we do not speak of anything other than God. I know we have to think about accounting if that is our job. We have to be focused when helping our children with schoolwork. We have to eat, sleep, and work. BUT we all know what I am truly talking about. We are designed to be in relationship with God. FULLY. Daily. Without ceasing and without demoting Him when something else catches our fancy. If some of my girlfriends talked about Jesus the way they do about their boyfriends (ahhh, new love...hey, I've been that way too) then thousands of lost souls would come to Christ! Why are so many other things taking God's place in our lives? No one is immune to this. Certainly not me.

I am in love. Deeply. God is my life source. My life line. My life. I want to reflect that in my words, my actions, my behaviors, in the activities I choose to do or the ones I choose to eliminate. I want to choose Him over all else. I want Him to never be jealous of anything else in my life that may seem to take precedence.

Who/what does my life reflect that I love most? What does your life reflect as your BIGGEST love??? Something to think about.

Love-Pain

Consequences. Does that word evoke good feelings within you? Me either. Yet, they've been a life-line to me. Consequences when "learned from" bring correction to behavior that is harmful. I know the power and effectiveness of consequences in my life. They started from my parents when I was a child and today they are provided by life and are allowed by my God.

As much as my God loves me and protects me, He does not shield me from the consequences of my actions and choices. Why not??? He forgives and He loves me, but why let me get burned and endure painful things? Well, it is because He loves me. Real love isn't always keeping the other person "pain free". Many of life's most valuable lessons are only learned when pain is involved. At least that is my perspective.

There have been many consequences I have suffered in life. Many as a child and many as an adult. Some consequences never go away, they stay with you as a reminder. Those are tough...but WOW, are they effective!

I have a two and a half year old. She is at the age and stage where she is testing the waters, as every child does. She is learning. She is developing an understanding of what is acceptable and what is not. She is observing what gets rise out of people and what doesn't. She is learning how to interact with others every day in a more and more complex way. This is challenging for a parent. She is not one of those quiet, shy, reserved little ones. She is bursting at the seams with personality, excitement, and strong will. She is a blast and is a strong leader already. I LOVE that about her, but that is also very challenging for me. But because I love her I have to allow her to experience the consequences of her behaviors. How else will she truly learn? It isn't going to happen because I tell her if you do this, then this will happen. Talking about it, is good, but that ALONE, is futile. I know this. But talking about it coupled with quick and effective consequence creates IMPACT. She requires more "impact" than others. And while that impact is hard for me to administer as a mother, I do it anyway. Because I love her. I would rather be uncomfortable and have her learn how to behave and how to interact appropriately with those around her than to be comfortable and not discipline her and see/experience how disruptive her life becomes over the years--AND how unhappy that will make her and everyone around her. Sounds so logical and easy. Well, it is not. It is hard to be the bad guy. It is hard to lay down the law. It is hard to put a halt to bad behavior and create tears in the eyes of the little one that you so love. It is hard and painful. But it is required for her to learn and for her to grow and for her to be protected as she goes forward in life.

God feels the same way about us. He doesn't get a sick pleasure out of disciplining us or allowing us to experience the full impact of our consequences. It must be hard for Him too to see our tears and to witness our pain. But He loves us and like parents do, He does what is "hard" in order to help us grow and learn how to live in a way where we will endure less unnecessary pain and anguish as we learn. That is what we do for those we love. We allow the consequences in order to promote a better life, a fuller life, and more protected life. He is our father and He behaves as such.

Consequences, not the most cheerful word, but each consequence blesses us, and as we hopefully learn from them, we endure fewer and fewer of them. That's kind of the point really. It is the point when my little one experiences her consequences, the goal is by experiencing them NOW, she will have fewer of them down the road. That is what God wants for us too.

Thankfully, it is working that way in my life. Finally. I am thankful for it and I know God is glad too. He loves me and hates to see me hurting. So,we are both quite pleased with the results of my consequences. It's a beautiful thing!

The Booby-Prize?

I have so many things swirling around in my head that I'd like to write about but no one thing is jumping out as a top priority. Usually when I write it is because something is in me that HAS to come out. Right now I have a handful of things like that but not one of them is pushing and shoving and jumping to the front of the line. So I am left trying to sort out my thoughts and determine what I want/need to write first.

So here goes, I am just going to let the words flow, hopefully, from a divine source, instead of from me:

I went to church on Mother's Day with my parents. We attended their church. I really enjoyed seeing people I hadn't seen in many years. I enjoyed being with my parents. I enjoyed what the preacher spoke about. It has lingered with me since Sunday.

He simply presented the story of Leah.
Many times, Leah is more of a side-note than the focus of the story. Jacob LOVED her sister Rachel. If you read the story...it is a deep PASSION this man has for beautiful Rachel. He agreed to work 7 years for her father to get Rachel as his wife. Rachel was stunningly beautiful. Jacob would have done ANYTHING to be with Rachel. And he did. After those seven years of laboring for Rachel's father, he was married, but only to find that he was given the "wrong" sister. It was Leah, not Rachel. He did not want Leah. He wanted Rachel. He loved Rachel. He would do anything for Rachel. But Leah? Uh, no thanks! Rachel was the treasured prize, but Leah was the booby-prize. Imagine what it must have been like to be Leah. How must that have felt? Eventually Jacob was able to "obtain" Rachel as well. What a relief for Jacob. His true love. His beautiful one. The story goes on and on of Leah taking last place in her husband's eyes and heart. She bore him many children. But she grew closer to God along her journey. But always was the "unwanted" one. The scraps. Have any of you ever felt that way? Have you ever spent years desiring to be "seen" and "loved" by someone, only to feel invisible, unseen, and unwanted? I know many of us have. I know many readers here who have. I have. Many of my friends have. Whether it was a parent whose love you could never obtain, or a male or female you loved but were never loved in return. MANY of us know the pain and suffering of feeling "unwanted" and unseen. It is painful and sometimes can leave permanent damage.

But if you watch/read closely the story of Leah, she grew more content, closer to her God, and more and more accepting of her place in life. And God saw it! He knew. He saw what no one else could see. He saw the beauty in Leah. And He blessed her. Did you realize that it was through HER son Judah's lineage, that Christ came? She was also with whom Jacob, her husband, chose to be buried. Not with Rachel...which was actually a closer location at the time of his death than where Leah was buried. But he was buried with Leah. Perhaps even in the end Jacob finally saw her true value and depth and in death chose to be placed with her. But WOW, to be the mother of the lineage of Christ??? NOT Rachel...the beautiful one, but Leah the "unwanted".

God sees all that we are, all that we endure, all of the growth that happens in shoes like Leah's and He will bless us if we hold fast, remain faithful, and continue to draw near to Him. I think that in the end, I'd prefer to play the role of Leah. It's not an easy role, but the easy role is not always the most blessed, as this story so eloquently illustrates.

I've felt like Leah before in my life with people I deeply loved who never saw my true value and beauty and left me...unloved and unwanted. And it stung, it hurt, it damaged my heart. But God sees. HE knows. And He blesses me now and will continue blessing me down the road. That goes for each of you reading this who are walking or have walked in shoes like Leah's. Have faith. Remain steadfast. HE SEES YOU! And He WILL bless you in His way and in His time.

Unsettled

I am unsettled. Am I the only one who gets this way from time to time? Not just in general, but spiritually speaking?

I am not sure, but I think that when this happens it is a stirring from the Holy Spirit. He/It (whatever we call it) never allows me to get too comfortable where I am spiritually. That's a good thing. We should always be growing. We should never be satisfied with the status quo. That's the place I currently find myself. I know that God expects more of me. I know He blessed me with more than I am using. I'd say at least twice a year, sometimes more, I come to these spiritual places in my life where I know He is trying to get my attention and use me or change me in some way. My path usually begins changing during these times. Sometimes that is a visible/tangible change, sometimes it is all completely internal.

This time, I don't know yet what will transpire. I just feel an intense stirring within my soul that He wants more from me right now. I don't know what that means, how it should be fleshed out, or what kind of changes that means. When I don't know where things are going, I feel unsettled. I really deplore that feeling. I like the KNOWN. I am super uncomfortable with the UNKNOWN. But yet again, that is where I find myself.

I don't really know what the point of this post is, or what the purpose of sharing that with you all is exactly, other than to perhaps request your prayers for His will for this time in my life to be revealed in crystal clarity. I SOOO want to live my life exactly as me wants me to. I want to know what He desires from me. I want to exceed His expectations. Please pray that I am open, receptive, and ready to go wherever He is leading this time around.

I am apprehensive, unsettled, and yet excited, because I know every time He has stirred me, it turns out to be an awesome experience once it begins to take shape and blossoms into what He had desired.

Do you guys have these biannual, quarterly, monthly, weekly, whatever they are...life-changing, pull the rug out from beneath you times where God is pulling you into new territory?? If you do, is it as exciting and tumultuous as it is for me? If you don't...maybe you should adjust your antennae and receptors. His plan for you/His will for you will not allow you to stagnate or become complacent or comfortable. That is just His way... Watch for Him, be quiet enough to hear His call, be open enough to sense Him tugging at you. He will. Then follow where He leads, even if it is unsettling and new. It will amaze you where He will take you if you let go and hold on tightly to Him as He leads you down His path...wherever new territory it may lead you to.

Recovery: Update

Who'd have thought this would be so hard? I guess if I had got online and really researched this I would have had a better idea of what to expect. But I'd have just thought all of those people were weenie's. Just being honest. But here's the deal: getting your tonsils out as an adult is really really difficult. Not whining, just stating the facts.
I am coming along, very thankful for my pain medication and thankful for my family and friends and their kindness and prayers.
I'd have lost my mind without both the meds and my loved ones.
The swelling has gone done enough to where breathing isn't a scary challenge anymore and I am not fearful of suffocating in my sleep. Whew!
The pain is now managed for the most by the medication...mostly. Until I try to swallow something. YIKES!!!
I hope to go back to work tomorrow...maybe a half day or something. Not sure yet. Depends on many things. Driving/pain meds/strength/etc.
Hey, this surgery has proven to be an effective dieting tool. LOL. Lost six pounds in one week. Lovely.
Anyway, I am still alive, but still recovering. Sigh. Time and patience and lots of prayer and a few more days of this and I should be coming out of it! Woo hoo!
Someday I will be so glad I did this...today is not that day.
Love you all.