I watched a television show the other day and learned something quite profound. I don't typically expect to learn something when I watch television, (except when I am tuned in to a documentary and the like) I usually am watching to be entertained. However, this show really made me think. I won't go into the name of the show or the exact content, as that's not the important issue. I want to share with you what I learned.
Socrates once said "The unexamined life is not worth living". I've always agreed with that statement wholeheartedly. So with that frame of mind, I'd like to examine something we call "intentions". They are actually our motives. Here is an example: when asked why someone is working an incredible amount of long hours and the response is that it was because they wanted the money to buy a new car. Seems like a motive or and intention, right? I am doing THIS in order to get THAT. My intention is to have that nice new car. RIGHT? Well, it seemed very simplistic to me. But I was quickly corrected. The word used to describe what the new car actually was, was an OUT-tention (opposite of intention...clever right?). It is what is on the surface. But if you dig deeper into why that person wanted the new car in the first place, THEN you get to the true INTENTION or motive. They actually wanted to impress others, to keep up with the Joneses, etc... So they were working their tail off ultimately in an effort to impress others around them.
OK, so now you have an illustration of this concept, let's think about what happens when we dissect the things we say and do. If we stop for a split second and do this quick analysis in our lives each time we are about to do or say something, it may actually STOP you in your tracks if you are able to recognize the real INTENTION or motivation.
I did this just today. I was about to say something to someone. I stopped before I opened my mouth and was brutally honest with myself. I went beyond the surface (the OUT-tention) and wasn't happy with what I found to be the intention. It really bothered me. It wasn't anything substantial, on the surface, but it gave me a glimpse into the little daily things we all do and say that aren't healthy. There are things that flow out us every day because we don't take the time to analyze WHY. In my instance, I didn't like what I found. However, that displeasure that we have with ourselves often times brings forth change. Change is good. Change can cause GROWTH!
The truth of the matter, is that everything we do has intention/motive. Here's is my example from earlier today: I was going to say something very small and minor to someone today. The statement I was going to make would probably motivate the receiving person to give me a small (truly unnecessary) hand. When I stopped and wondered why I was going to make this tiny little statement, I realized it wasn't that I truly NEEDED a hand. It was that I wanted the receiver to know that I was tired and worn out from "parenting" my child. I wanted them to know I would've liked a momentary break. But when I examined why I wanted the break, the reality wasn't that just I couldn't go on any further. I wasn't at the point of exhaustion. No...I wanted validation. I wanted someone else to reinforce that I am a good mom, that I am devoted, that I work really hard during my day trying to keep up with my wild child. It was embarrassing to admit to myself THAT validation was what I was seeking, NOT a quick helping hand. (It is embarrassing to even admit here.) Now, don't get me wrong, it is good to have help, it is good to take a break, it is healthy and necessary. But my motive here...my true intention--was about validation not about a quick break.
Socrates once said "The unexamined life is not worth living". I've always agreed with that statement wholeheartedly. So with that frame of mind, I'd like to examine something we call "intentions". They are actually our motives. Here is an example: when asked why someone is working an incredible amount of long hours and the response is that it was because they wanted the money to buy a new car. Seems like a motive or and intention, right? I am doing THIS in order to get THAT. My intention is to have that nice new car. RIGHT? Well, it seemed very simplistic to me. But I was quickly corrected. The word used to describe what the new car actually was, was an OUT-tention (opposite of intention...clever right?). It is what is on the surface. But if you dig deeper into why that person wanted the new car in the first place, THEN you get to the true INTENTION or motive. They actually wanted to impress others, to keep up with the Joneses, etc... So they were working their tail off ultimately in an effort to impress others around them.
OK, so now you have an illustration of this concept, let's think about what happens when we dissect the things we say and do. If we stop for a split second and do this quick analysis in our lives each time we are about to do or say something, it may actually STOP you in your tracks if you are able to recognize the real INTENTION or motivation.
I did this just today. I was about to say something to someone. I stopped before I opened my mouth and was brutally honest with myself. I went beyond the surface (the OUT-tention) and wasn't happy with what I found to be the intention. It really bothered me. It wasn't anything substantial, on the surface, but it gave me a glimpse into the little daily things we all do and say that aren't healthy. There are things that flow out us every day because we don't take the time to analyze WHY. In my instance, I didn't like what I found. However, that displeasure that we have with ourselves often times brings forth change. Change is good. Change can cause GROWTH!
The truth of the matter, is that everything we do has intention/motive. Here's is my example from earlier today: I was going to say something very small and minor to someone today. The statement I was going to make would probably motivate the receiving person to give me a small (truly unnecessary) hand. When I stopped and wondered why I was going to make this tiny little statement, I realized it wasn't that I truly NEEDED a hand. It was that I wanted the receiver to know that I was tired and worn out from "parenting" my child. I wanted them to know I would've liked a momentary break. But when I examined why I wanted the break, the reality wasn't that just I couldn't go on any further. I wasn't at the point of exhaustion. No...I wanted validation. I wanted someone else to reinforce that I am a good mom, that I am devoted, that I work really hard during my day trying to keep up with my wild child. It was embarrassing to admit to myself THAT validation was what I was seeking, NOT a quick helping hand. (It is embarrassing to even admit here.) Now, don't get me wrong, it is good to have help, it is good to take a break, it is healthy and necessary. But my motive here...my true intention--was about validation not about a quick break.
I didn't make the statement to this person, by the way. I was surprised what I found in that small moment of introspect. It was enlightening. This example was not a big deal, but it illustrates on a very small scale, what I learned from watching that show. We needed to evaluate our intentions in the big and small details of our lives. It may completely surprise you, if you are brave enough to look at yourself with true honesty. I was shocked.
Once we see what are true motives are and if we see a pattern of doing and saying things in an effort to impress and please others OR if we are constantly seeking approval or validation we've got some things to deal with. Our goal should only be to please GOD. Our validation should come from within and from Him. For example my validation as a mom has to come from within me. It comes from knowing that I do what is in my child's best interest-that I am a caring, nurturing, sacrificing, giving, adoring mother, who makes certain that her child is in the best possible environment she can possibly be in at all times. I get my validation from BEING a good mom and knowing that within my heart, not from anyone else thinking that I am or saying that I am.
We have to take the time and undergo the discomfort of being honest and real with ourselves. We have to look at our INTENTIONS. Why do you say what you say to your spouse, to your "ex", to your mother, to your friends, to your boss? Why do you do the things you do? In some instances you may be so pleased to find that you have pure, Godly intentions. (I found that to be true of why I write...whew!) Other times, you will be disappointed, embarrassed, and/or frustrated with what you find within yourself. But I imagine that, just like me, those feelings will bring upon change for the better.
Take time to examine your life and your intentions. Go deeper than your 'out-tentions". Find the core motivating factors in the things you do. It just may change your life. It may stop you in your tracks, like it did me. Make Socrates proud. Examine and GROW!
1 comment:
Once again, uncommon depth. Fact is, most people (study after study reveal) are not happy with their lives or themselves. Problem is, when they look inside, they don't like what they see, but as you know, change is terribly difficult and often requires significant work. That being the case, most of us simply close ourselves back up and hope for the best. Sure enough, the next time we open ourselves up and look again, same unhappiness, same issues, same, same, same. The looking inside is painful, but changing is even more difficult, and that's why we quit.
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