Respect the BED!

Isn't it interesting that Satan does everything he can possibly think of to get two people who are dating into bed together. Yet, once they are married, he does everything he can possibly think of to keep them out of the bed together!

Devious!! He knows that both scenarios are acts of mass destruction to the union of two people.

Something to ponder...

Miraculous

Isn't life interesting? Well, mine is. I can't speak for anyone else, I suppose.

One day you find yourself where you despise your boss and your job, you have friends that don't have a clue who you really are, you are dating someone who treats you like gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe, you are totally immersed in a world of sin, heartbreak, and pain. You hate everything that you've become. You barely remember who you were before. You see no hope of it ever changing. You rarely even dare to speak to God from your shame of the ongoing garbage in your life that makes you feel unworthy to even address Him. You look great on the outside. Nice place to live, nice car, cute clothes, great tan, blond hair, well-worked out body and yet...on the inside you truly just want to die. You hate those in your life who are cruel, angry, and manipulative, and yet you hate yourself more, because you allow them in your life and allow them to treat you that way. What a wretched existence.

Skip to four years later. Same person only all of it is different. You've got an amazing job that you love with an incredible boss whom you adore. You are surrounded with family and dear friends. No one manipulating you. No one demeaning you daily. No longer feeling as though the outside has to be perfection to cover and to hide the ugliness and brokenness inside. Instead the inside is glowing and it radiates through to the outside. Daily embracing God's love and grace and walking and talking with Him as a father and friend. Struggling from time to time but resting in peace and His comfort. Enjoying His blessings in the giggles and laughter of the child you thought you could never have. Living in a home where love is bursting at the seams. Having friends who not only know you well but know the Lord as well, deeply. Working in and around some of the most amazing people on the planet and in two ministries that you have a real passion for.

What a difference God can make! He can scrape us off the bottom of someone's shoe, clean us off, change us, renew us, and bless us immeasurably! But only if we LET Him. He does not force change and blessings on anyone. But for those who will follow and decide to be changeable and moldable and accept His love and His plan---life can be SO different!

Thank you God for every big and little thing You've done in my life. I am so THANKFUL and HUMBLED by Your love and grace. I don't deserve either, but I drink them in eagerly.

What's Marinading in my Mind

My pastor said something last night that has been marinading in my mind since he said it. He was discussing betrayal and using Joseph (and the coat of many colors) as the biblical reference. When looking at what all happened in Joseph's life, we tend to gloss over the time frames. The time frame that Joseph was enslaved. The time frame that Joseph was imprisoned. Etc.. They were not short time frames at all. Yet in our culture if our suffering lasts a year or even three, four, or five it becomes too much for us to take. Pa-leeeease! We don't understand why God doesn't take our suffering from us. Why God doesn't intervene... Why God doesn't do what WE want Him to do... Why doesn't He remove this desire...Why doesn't He take this burden... Why doesn't He just remove the feelings of loneliness, sadness, or whatever... Why leave me with these feelings and hurt when He CAN just make it all go away...

The concept that has been marinading since last night is the concept of ENDURANCE. People...where is our endurance?? God was working on Joesph in each of his trials. He was learning things, growing, changing, becoming what God had planned for him. And he probably didn't even realize it. But if he had just given up, turned his back on his seemingly uncooperative God, if he just bowed out of the plan, his life would not have turned out as amazingly as it did. READ the story. PAY ATTENTION. What God is doing in your life--you may not even be able to see or recognize, but I can assure you He IS doing something. He may not be doing what you THINK you want done and He may not be doing what He is doing in YOUR time frame, but have some ENDURANCE for goodness sake. Look at how He blessed Joseph. He will do the same for you, if you remain faithful even if your understanding fails you...even if it seems to have gone on LONG ENOUGH. Get over that. Look for the growth you've made. Look for the lessons you may be learning. Look for what He is up to. But come on guys, He knows you better than you do, He knows what you need, He knows if you are ready, He knows what more needs to happen before you are fully seasoned and ready for His plan. Stop thinking you know best. YOU DON'T KNOW JACK. Trust in His MAJESTIC and HOLY time frame and plan for you. ENDURE through this time in your life. It is shaping you and molding you for the INCREDIBLE plan God has for you.

When I listened to Ed last night and stepped back in my mind to reflect on my betrayals, my pits, my struggles, my time frames...I saw something. I see God teaching me things I never would have learned without those problems. I see myself becoming stronger and wiser and yet all the more caring and understanding of those who have wronged me. I am going to focus more on what am I learning and how am I growing from this season in my life instead of lamenting the sad times, the lonely times, the times I simply don't understand WHY. I am going to do this because I know He is working on me and what will happen because of that growth will be blessings beyond my wildest imagination. Just like what happened to Joseph. Not a piece of his story happened over night or in his time frame. But because it happened God's way...IT WAS BEYOND AWESOME. And it can be that way for you and for me too. We've got to trust and endure. Thank God for Joseph and his wonderful example. From the PIT to the PALACE!!! I am going to work hard to emulate that trust and endurance too.

Beauty in Betrayal?

The beautiful side of betrayal. This was discussed tonight by my pastor. There's no bigger believer in the beautiful side of betrayal than me. But it is not an automatic thing. It has to be sought. It is not a "given". Betrayal can simply end in anger, bitterness, and resentment...if the betrayed so chooses. But don't be fooled...it is a choice. We've all been betrayed in SOME way or another. Some of us MANY times. And some of us, including myself, have been the betrayer. The concept of betrayal is not lost on ANYONE. But there can be many wonderful things that God can do during and after a betrayal. Ask Joseph...you know the one with the coat of many colors? He knows. And so do I. God can make you and your life even better BECAUSE OF a betrayal. He has for me and many others. There really is a beautiful side of betrayal, thank you God for that, and thank you Ed (my pastor) for reminding me.

My Past and My Future

(Reader warning: If you don't want to read about my love life or lack thereof, please stop reading now.)

Interesting weekend. The past showed up. Not in a bad way....thank goodness!

I ran into an old family friend. I hadn't seen since him I was a little girl, until we crossed paths at our Men's Breakfast on Saturday. He wasn't anything like I remembered. Funny how time changes people. He's grown up, married, and looks the exact opposite of what he did as a little kid. He went from a 12 year old to a 36 year right in front of my face. Weird.

I also had an another old, very dear friend show up at our house completely unexpected. His mother had passed away. He was in town from out of state. I hadn't seen him in many years. This is someone I've known since elementary school. We were boyfriend/girlfriend off and on for years. Our timing always STUNK. We couldn't ever get it right at the right time. GREAT guy.

It was interesting to see him as a man. You know, with a beautiful Godly wife, three kids, and a business. It was good. He's turned into the man I always knew he would, even though he never believed me back then. I've always kind of measured guys in my life by him, or at least what I saw in him...(which he became, by the way!). (He'd probably shake his head in disappointment that I thought so highly of him that I would measure others by him, you know?...He doesn't know what a rare gem he is...people are funny that way some times.) I didn't pine over him all these years. It is that he was the only one I got really close to romantically that I knew without a doubt had a REAL relationship with God through Jesus...until much later in my life. His relationship with God made him incredibly attractive. Was he perfect...ummmm, NO WAY. Not even close. But he had desire to be. He made efforts to be. He was purposeful and intentional with that desire, even though he often fell short. Guys like him are RARE, actually. Most people go around bobbing up and down with the flow of life...completely unintentional. ACK! That's SO unattractive. Did he mess up? Yes, regularly! But he never quit, never gave up his intense desire to be holy, to be like God. He failed. A lot. But he never stopped pursuing God. And now he is daily reaping the benefits of such desire and intent.

This guy struggles still struggles with things. (Who doesn't?) I heard it in the conversation between he and my family, but he knows how much God loves him, guides him and has sheltered and protected him over the years---from a wretchedly dysfunctional family, from himself as a struggling young man, and from the world in general. He has MUCH to be thankful for. He's been walking in God's love and protection as long as I've known him. Now, he finally realizes it.

I always thought that if I ever saw him again it would make me long for what his wife has...HIM...but it didn't. It really didn't. I didn't long for HIM at all....I saw him differently because I am different. Not because he isn't a wonderful man, because he IS. Not because he isn't attractive, because he is. Not because he isn't this or that..he is. He is most everything a Christian woman would want. He is ALL of those things...but I didn't covet his wife's husband. I didn't want him back for myself. Not even for a second. I am so happy to see what God has blessed him with. No one deserves it more. You see, he is wonderful, but he isn't FOR ME. He is for Christy. He is God's plan for Christy.

I know there is a plan for me too. I know that even though I struggle with certain temptations and shortcomings that I remain desirous and intentional of being a Godly woman. I want a man that is the same way. Imperfect, struggling, tempted, yet, fighting to be holy and Godly. I want a man who takes that seriously and is intentional with those things. You see, I saw a wonderful man, the kind any woman would be thrilled and blessed to have, but I also saw a REAL person. Someone who trusts in God, who falls short, but keeps fighting for his holiness. He is blessed for it...I want a man like that. Not THAT particular man. I know my man exists. I KNOW that. I am committed to him. I am committed to not seeking a perfect man, but to waiting for that man who desires holiness with his entire being. Not one who has it...yet. He is being made perfect. BEING MADE...but not yet perfect. I don't expect perfection, just the desire for Godliness and holiness. I am committed to it. It's that or nothing. I will honor my commitment. I am committed to him. I've been committed to him. I will wait for him. God's got it covered. I trust God and will settle for nothing short of my standard. I have one. There is a standard, and my standard will not think the standard is high, that 's part of why I will love him so much, he will lament his imperfections and failures, but will still seek daily to be made perfect in Christ. That's who I am committed to. That's him. That's the one.

Running into the past made me recommit. It fueled the commitment I made to my standard. We all need standards. Don't worry if anyone else understands your "standard" or not. God doesn't always choose the ones who appear to be "just right"...ask Moses, ask David. Just have a standard of someone seeking to be holy, most certainly failing, but striving and desiring it everyday of their life. Settle for nothing less. God used my past to remind me to be faithful to my commitment. He had someone walk right into my living room after MANY years like a ghost from the past, to rekindle that which Satan is trying to blow out...my fire. My commitment is burning white hot. I'm not settling. All or nothing baby!

Bend or Break!

Are you pliable? Flexible? Moldable? Or are you rigid, stiff, and unyielding? Perhaps I should clarify that. When it comes to change? When it comes to being stretched and changed by God? Are you open to being different than you are, doing things differently or even being uncomfortable? Can you walk in faith without your past, your present, or what you predict the future will be like, always holding you back?

Being pliable is difficult. We sometimes plant our feet down, dig our heels in, stand firm, straight and rigid. Most of the time it is out of fear, whether we admit it or not. Fear that we will fail. Fear that we will get hurt or will hurt someone else. Fear that we will embarrass ourselves. Fear that we will be rejected. Fear that we aren't enough for the task. Fear of the unknown or the uncomfortable.

But it is nature's rule: that which does not bend WILL BE BROKEN. Nature will find a way to break that which will not bend. The same is true for us. If we do not bend to the things God brings us to, Satan will take the opportunity to break us over them. And he will always take that opportunity to do so. It is in his nature to delight in breaking us. If he can keep you from taking risks, if he can keep you comfortable, if he can continue to throw your past and your present failures and struggles in your face, he will do so and eventually he will break you. Break your chance of success, break your spirit and break your opportunity to be blessed the way God wants you to be blessed. What a thrill for our enemy to paralyze us and seize our blessings. I see him doing it in my life and in the lives of several people I care about right NOW.

This reminder is as much for me as it is for all of you reading: PLEASE see that when you become rigid and hardened and simply accept "this is who I am" or "this is my lot in life" and refuse to stretch and change and do something DIFFERENT than what you've always done, you will end up broken. It will happen. It is nature's way. It is also the way of all things spiritual. Change is required for growth. Faith is required for change. Stop talking about faith and start walking in it. Be bold. Step out in faith and don't hide-out fearing your weaknesses and your past or your love of being comfortable. If you are miserable in certain areas of your life but you continue to run from changing for fear of the change AND/OR fear that you can't change, leave that to God and walk in faith...or brace yourself for brokenness. It's one or the other. Like it or not. Bend or be broken.

New Day, New Adventure

It's a new day and a new week.

Thank God!

Last week was really rough for me.

I need a new one to start over with.

New Year. New Week. New day. New new new!

God makes all things new.

God, make me new today. Clean up the messes I've made. Remind me of the successes we've had. Show me the next step and the next adventure You have planned for me. There are so many adventures to come. So many opportunities to refine me and stretch me and help me grow. I will not surrender to who I am today. I am not who I was in the past and I can be more than I am today. I am not afraid. Let nothing paralyze my forward progress. Let no thing and no one hold me back. Help me to not give up when I fear that the task at hand is more than I can handle. Help me to hold up others when they need to feel You and Your encouragement. Help me to show others the way You see them. Help me to never quit, to never give up, and to always persevere even in the face of Satan himself. Help me to be the Carlotta you designed me to be, not the one I am today. Help me to help others with the same task. In serving and lifting up others, I can become who You want me to be.

Thanks for loving me even when I am unlovable, forgiving me when I am unforgivable, and for restoring my hope each time I think I've depleted it. Even in my hurt and despair, You find me and make me new. Thank you Lord. I can do all things. I can do all things. I can do all things. Not because of me...on my own I can do NOTHING, but I am not alone, I am not on my own, I AM WITH YOU. You are in me every second of every minute of my life. If you bring me to it, You will propel me through it. Every challenge, every trial, every mountain I want to climb but fear climbing, I will conquer. Not because of me, only because of YOU. Thank you for being all that I am not. Show those that I love who are struggling with these things too, that whatever it is, they can conquer it, they can succeed, they can do whatever it is that seems un-do-able. NOTHING is too big for You. NOTHING.

Thank you God.

Anyone reading this, please remember that you can be powered by the God of the Universe. Stop hanging out in the dark and cursing it, light the candle for goodness sake. (And if you are a little slow...I'll help you a bit...the candle has a name. His name is: GOD, He loves you and wants nothing more than to be with you and help you, but He only will when called upon and invited. Stop trying to battle on your own in the dark. Light the candle, goofball!)

Have an awesome week friends, family, and readers.

My Sacrifice...

What is it like when God (the Holy Spirit) "speaks" to us? I hear people say things like this a lot...even me. "God put this or that on my heart." "God told me this or that." What does that even mean? How do we know when God is speaking to us? I know people who determine that God told them something...and I wonder, "Did He call you on the phone? Did He send you an email? Did He speak to you from the heavens and only you could hear it?" How does that work?

I don't always know from where things "on my heart" originate. From my own desires? From God through the Holy Spirit? From others? And yet, sometimes I just KNOW. Don't you just love that response? But it is just how it is sometimes, at least for me. Especially when it is not something I wanted or was in my nature. In fact, that happened to a friend of mine a long time ago. She felt that God told her (gave her a vision) of someone with whom He wanted her to date. (I know a whole lot of people who come up with this notion too...) But in this case, it was someone that she had ZERO romantic interest in at all. In fact, I had the distinct impression that she was almost nauseated at the thought of it. But she felt very strongly about the vision. She felt it was God speaking to her. So she obeyed. She trusted and moved in faith. I happened to be completely floored by her decision to obey and boldly go where she did NOT at all want to go. Then, as it all happened, I wondered to myself, could God simply be testing her??? Could He just want to know if she fully trusted Him and would obey Him even if she felt it go against everything inside of her...to the point of nauseousness!?!?! It could be. Remember Abraham and Isaac? God told Abraham to KILL his own son. To sacrifice him. And Abraham obeyed even though it nearly killed him inside. Both stories ended well. Abraham was stopped, thankfully. My friend was stopped too, thankfully. And both were greatly blessed because of their faith and willingness to obey even when horrified at the task.

I am at a point in my life where I believe that I too find myself in such a place of testing. I feel as though God has conveyed to me something that I am a bit freaked out by. (No, He hasn't asked me to sacrifice anyone or to date someone I find nauseating, so you can all take a deep cleansing breath.) But what it is, would prove to be a true test of my faith and obedience. I want to walk in faith and be obedient to Him. I will do this, perhaps shaking and nervous, but I will follow His leading.

And just to nip it in the bud right now, please don't ask me what it is... it is between He and I.

But I would like to ask you to pray for me. Pray that I honor Him in obedience, so that He will be glorified. That's the point really. That's the goal in all we do, right? On a selfish level, I don't like this AT ALL; I am not going to lie or pretend that I do. But I know He loves me and I trust in Him that He knows better than I do. I want to honor my commitments; to Him, to trusting His promises, to doing the right thing, to keeping my word, to showing my trust, faith and obedience. Pray for me to be humbled, to be obedient, to be honorable, and to be fully faithful to Him and to my commitments.

Thanks!

Lesson From Solomon

(I didn't write this, I'd like to take credit, but I cannot. It was sent to me. I appreciated the insight and I thought I'd share it with you.)

"I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley, to see if the vines had budded or the pomegranates were in bloom." Song of Solomon 6:11

God did not waste any words when He put together the Bible. So when we read through the Song of Solomon we experience purpose on every page. In chapter one, we see this young couple attracted to each other. In chapters 2-3 they spend time courting to unveil character and personalities. At the end of chapter 3 we are sitting in the aisles of a beautiful wedding. Then we get front row seats to the steamy honeymoon night in chapter 4. We move from an intimate night to an inevitable fight in chapters 5-6. Notice what is said at the end of their first fight:

"I went down to the grove of nut trees to look at the new growth in the valley."
The sovereign God who wrote Scripture also knows what can result from conflict: an opportunity for new growth. When we handle conflict in any relationship, it's always a precursor to depth. When we don't, our relationship moves towards barrenness.

Conflict in relationships is a lot like pruning a tree. What is the purpose of pruning?

1. To cut away dead and unproductive branches.
2. To prepare the plant, tree for future growth.

Conflict, when resolved, prunes bad habits and unproductive ways we deal with each other. It clears away the branches that are ultimately harmful to the overall growth of the tree so the tree can grow healthier. Pruning sets our relationships up for new, and deeper, growth. Trees can't talk, but I would imagine, that pruning itself is not a pleasant experience. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, only perfect moments. When we go through the pain of pruning, we make way for more perfect moments and more growth in our relationships.