Smothering Desperation

I have recently watched someone devastated by the ending of a relationship. (I've been there too. Perhaps you have as well.) It's hard to watch, especially when you can see it coming. I am certainly not able to see the future, but there are some things you can see coming from a mile away. I wonder if others saw it coming for me when it happened to me in my past. Not that it matters. That's not really my point here either.

I guess the point or question is, how do you keep from making another person SO critical in your life that you are utterly devastated if they leave your life? Do we just work really hard to keep people at bay? Do we build up walls? Do we never open up to anyone else? People should never be the number one priority in our lives because that is God's sacred position, I get that...but how do we deeply love another person without that competing with God's position? People get so intertwined with others so easily and so quickly that if the relationship ends they become devastated empty shells. I've been there and done it myself. More than once. Yet, we don't want to be jaded or so guarded that we are not able to let someone in deeply for fear of eventually losing them somehow. And how do we balance earthly love and never let that take the ultimate priority? It's tough for some people. It is tough for the young woman I watched recently get the breath knocked out of her when her boyfriend ended their relationship. She is one of those who so badly wants a husband that she smothers and nearly suffocates the people she dates. They eventually leave her because of that deep neediness and she is again left bewildered and hurting. I sometimes wonder if she would truly place God in that "be all end all" role, if dating would go more smoothly for her. From my perspective, it seems it would greatly help! Perhaps she wouldn't be so desperate for love, attention, and companionship, because she would get those things from God first and she wouldn't be beyond empty when the next guy comes along.

It made me sad to hear of this girl's situation, again. I see my "past-self" in her. It is hard to watch, knowing that I have been that girl too, many times! Since my last debacle in love last year I've worked very hard and have made sure to put God in His rightful position and that really helps to put all other things into proper perspective. Yes, things and people still hurt me and life still has its stings, but it truly changes the devastation levels when you know God loves you and that He will always take great care of you, no matter who comes and goes from your life. It keeps you from suffocating others. It keeps the desperation for love and companionship from consuming you. It keeps you from clinging to others for your happiness and for life. It creates healthier happier relationships in all aspects of life. I wish I had seen that in my past and I wish this lovely young woman who is so hurting right now could see it too. Smothering others and clinging to them for dear life will never work. It will never fill us up. No person on earth ever will. Once we leave that to God, relationships can then become AMAZING, FULFILLING, AND BEAUTIFUL.

Dear God, please comfort my friend who shall remain nameless here. You know who she is. You know her heart. You know her pain. You know her needs. I pray she turns ALL of her heart to you. I pray she sees her desperation and her habit of seeking her life fulfillment in earthly relationships. I pray she finds her earthly love once she fills her heart up with you first. I pray she finds great comfort in you and in those around her who care for her and want the best for her. Guard her heart going forward, but never let it become hardened to love. You designed us for relationship, let her find it in you AND in the man you designed just for her...in your perfect time. I bring this to you in the name of your Son, Jesus. Amen!