Earlier in the week I was listening to a woman crying. She was in a relationship with a gentleman whom she loved very much. They were considering marriage. He evidently was a tough nut to crack. She couldn't get him to open up about much of anything that was deep. He was very guarded emotionally. They were both parents from previous marriages with a couple of kids each. Both were wanting to remarry. But she had a huge burden on her heart. She loved this man, but knew something was WRONG. As the counselor dug deeper, he knew that she had contacted him for confirmation of what she already knew deep down. The more he probed into the relationship, the more her real problem became clear.
As I listened, I cried too. I knew this woman's struggle well. And I knew she was on the path to long-term misery if something didn't change. Her frustration with his unwillingness to open up was really just her excuse to talk to this counselor. Her BIG issue was pulled out of her by the wise counselor. The BIG issue was that she was already weary from being the spiritual leader in the relationship and they weren't even married yet. She longed for him to take the lead. He wouldn't. Why would he? She carried that load for him. Yet, she was afraid that if she stopped, he wouldn't pick up the role. She even admitted that she felt that this problem was why his first marriage failed. He was unable, maybe even unwilling to be the leader, ESPECIALLY when it came to spiritual leadership.
The counselor told her what she already knew; this was a recipe for disaster if she went ahead and married this gentleman. She knew it and just wanted confirmation. As she listened to the reality you could hear sadness yet relief in her voice. SHE KNEW ALL ALONG. She just wanted someone else to say it too.
God designed the man/woman relationship to work in a certain way. If the woman must bear to load of leader eventually the relationship will breakdown. It is not the role God designed for the woman. I know. I know this WELL. Listening to this interaction brought back so much past pain, yet brought me hope that I will never have to walk that road again. I learned the VERY HARD WAY that I am never meant to be the spiritual leader in a relationship/marriage. I tried...for many YEARS. It was never a role I was meant to take and one I will never take on again.
I pray that this woman will do what she has to do to walk away from the relationship or at the very least postpone the marriage until she can help this man to get guidance, mentoring, intentional spiritual growth, whatever it takes for him to come to a place in his spiritual walk to be EAGER to step up and take the lead. I pray for them both. I know the destruction that will follow if they continue on "as is".
Heavenly Father, guard and protect this woman. Take her hand and lead her to the right path, decisions, and choices in this matter. I pray for this man as well. I pray that he too will seek You and Your will in his life and in this relationship. In Your Son's Precious Name...AMEN!
3 comments:
I would like to point out that being the leader of the home does not depend on the man having a higher profile in the church or in any other area of life for that matter. A good example of this is the marriage of Dave and Joyce Meyer. Joyce is a "mouth" in Christ as she puts it, Dave is not. However, Dave not only supports Joyce in her calling, but is the behind the scenes business leader of Joyce Meyer Ministries and is without question the leader in their home.
That's for making note of that Lance! I agree. Being the "mouth" or the "higher profile" person is not necessarily the equivalent of being the leader of the home or the spiritual leader. I see this everyday with one of the lovely ladies that I work for. She and Joyce are rare, but will both tell you that they absolutely yield in submission to their husbands as God designed. Those ladies know this is the design. MANY others do not. What I wrote about is real in MANY Christian women's lives and is a HUGE pitfall to be sure.
You are sooooo right about God's plan, design, & intention. Cannot be denied, modified, or changed by circumstances.
Today, in the lives of Christian families, many men are not the spiritual leaders God wants. They have far more knowledge of computers, marketing, manufacturing, finance, or some other field than they have of God's Word. They don't have the time, it's too complicated, or it is simply not their "thing."
Problem is, their families are spiritually weak, the children have no correct model, and the men themselves KNOW they are not Godly men, they KNOW it, & their wives KNOW it. Growing out of these marriages (and most end badly), are children without God-defined roles they KNOW how to fill as adults. As adults, they become fodder, as do their own children, for the evil one, & the beat goes on & on. How does the chain ever get broken? Only by returning to the Maker's design, only by learning of Him, His plan, His Son, through His Word. Sorry, no shortcuts.
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