What I got for Christmas...

It always sneaks up on me and then disappears as quickly as it came. Christmas. What an interesting time of year. People bustling about, going here and there, in search of the perfect gifts for their loved ones. The money that is spent this time of year must be astronomical! The meals that are consumed-so decadent! The presents, the decorations, the carols, the food, family and friends can all be beautifully overwhelming. It truly is a one-of-a-kind time of year.

This particular year, Christmas has been quite unique for me. I enjoyed a blessing this year that made my perspective extremely different than in past years. I've had the blessing of being so broke that I viewed the Christmas season this year from a very different perspective. Now, don't misunderstand me, I have always known, understood, and reflected on the birth of our Savior this time of year. That will never change. I've watched others flood their children with every high-tech gift out there. That is a great blessing if you are able to do so. I do not look down on parents that do such things just because they've been blessed in ways that others haven't. It's easy for those with less to look down on those who go overboard with their spending. It's an easy way to "deal" with the frustration of having less. I've also watched families with next to nothing draw ever closer to one another and have an appreciation for the few little things they were able to give and receive that those with a lot cannot possibly appreciate. It's a delicate balance between the "haves" and "have-nots". I am fairly new to the "have-not" perspective, but I have a great appreciation for it. It has been an incredible blessing to me this year.

I've gained a much deeper appreciation for the tiniest blessings in my life. The friends and families that gave so generously to me and my daughter in an effort to brighten our Christmas season were nothing short of amazing. I've been in touch with a lot of friends and family members that I had lost touch with over the past few years. What a blessing! My daughter still doesn't quite grasp the concept of presents and such, but she enjoyed all the fun and family time together very much. It showed in her wide eyes and smiles as big as her whole face!

My biggest blessing this year came to me internally. It was a spiritual thing. It stemmed from something I read. Reflecting on Christ's birth it took an interesting spin on the "reason for the season". While we give thanks for the beautiful and miraculous virgin birth of our Savior, it took things a step further. It focused on why He was born. It reminded readers that He came with a purpose. Not to just be the Baby Jesus, meek and mild, but that He had a much loftier purpose. Jesus was born to die on a cross for each one of us. Jesus was born to die. Not a perspective most reflect on during Christmas time. This year, I internally took on this mindset. It completely changed things for me. It was a deeper, more meaningful Christmas than I have ever experienced. It took me away from the parties, the feasts, the flood of toys, gift cards, and such. It took me from a miracle birth to a cross and nails, from a swaddling clothes to a crown of thorns. It reminded me what the whole point of the Christmas story really is: God's love. His passion for me. His determination to buy me back. My mind went from wise-men bearing gifts to Roman guards bearing whips, from a star bright and high in the sky to the sky being completely darkened in God's sadness. It went from gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to gifts of forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life. This year I went beyond Bethlehem all the way to Golgotha. My gift this year was reflections of my God's love for me. He started in a manger, it is true, but it doesn't end there. He died on a cruel cross. He denied death its finality and rose up in order to bring ME home. I will never again see the nativity and be able to stop there. I must go from the manger to the cross. It was the Baby's destiny. It was His goal. I was His goal. No greater gift could have ever been given to me this year or any other. In the middle of iPods, laptops, gift cards, x-box's, clothes, and all the gifts going around, I got the best gift I ever have. I received the blessing of not being pulled too deeply into the "stuff" of the season, instead I was pointed to the real meaning of Christ and His purpose in being born. Born to die. He was born as a tiny baby to bring me back home with Him. He was born to endure the nails-- the spikes of death in order to wash me clean and live with me forever and ever.

What a beautiful Christmas season. What a gift I received. Thank you God, for the new perspective. Thank you for the gift of being so broke that I could see the things that are normally unseen. Christmas time on this earth is a great time. It is a time of food, family, friends, toys (for both young and old) and frivolity. Spiritually, it is a completely different thing. A time of reflection not on things, not on malls, not on the latest high-tech gadget for us or for our children. It is about something much more significant and spiritual--something deep and profound--something ETERNAL. Thank you God for the gift of the nails. Who would have thought that big, rusty, piercing spikes would be the most beautiful gift I received this year (or ever)? Thank you my God, my Savior!

Perfectionism--Tool of the Enemy

Perfectionism. It can be a plague. It can completely take over rational people. It can transform a speed-bump into a full blown mountain peak. There are many segments of my life where I fight perfectionism. I fight against it because it is not healthy. In the past it has turned me into an extreme "over-analyzer". I try very hard to not be that way anymore. I allow myself to be "real" instead of perfect. Oh, and by the way, perfect does not exist on this earth. Those of us who bang our heads against that rock, in various areas of our lives, are doing so foolishly and needlessly.

I won't drag you through all the pieces of my life that have been infiltrated with perfectionism in the past or even currently. There is just not that much time. I do want you to understand that in most cases I have defeated it. In some cases, I have not. I do work on it daily which helps to keep me peaceful.

Perfection cannot be achieved by anyone in anything we do. It simply cannot be attained. Ones who think that it can be are merely fooling themselves. I think that striving to be perfect is an incredibly effective tool of the enemy. He puts that notion within us. We convince ourselves it is a noble goal. I can tell you that it is NOT. Excellence is a noble and worthwhile goal. Perfection is only of God. We cannot achieve it. We only torture ourselves and those around us when we succumb to its lure.

There are many things I do well. There are just as many things that I do not do well. I tend to have animosity for the second group. Why? I am only human. I have my share of gifts and talents just like all of God's children. I shy away from the things in which I show no natural talent and I anguish over perfecting the things in which I do show talent. On the surface that doesn't seem so bad. However, both can be limiting my growth and my spectrum of life-enjoyment.

I have scoured over my writing in the past like a mad-woman. I would continuously change this and that--adding a little something here and removing a little something there. I have endlessly fussed over avoiding cliche phrases and dangling participles. In fact, in my high school and college writings, I did this to the detriment of the content of my writing. I was never happy with it. It would end up butchered and void of it's initial impact and power. I would write paper after paper. I would change them and modify them. I would throw them away and start all over-endlessly. It was torturous. I did this in search of perfection. How silly. I do not do this anymore. I leave the content ALONE. I leave the key ideas and points of impact as they initially came to me. Back then, I was so adamant about leaving things alone that I became somewhat sloppy with the details, which are still crucial to good and effective writing. The things like proper punctuation, grammar, sentence structure and such, became tedious and bothersome minutia not to be addressed because I didn't want to restart the scouring tendency I once had. It was a fear of dragging that perfectionistic mentality back into my writing. Alas, that was a silly notion as well.

If I am going to be a well-rounded and successful writer I need to learn the art of leaving the content and the powerful message alone while still being able to polish the minor details. I am working on this skill. I know the rules of the English language well. I excelled in them while in school. Unfortunately, I have ignored them for many years and it is taking discipline in order to restore them to my repertoire. I now aim for excellence, not perfection.

In contrast to the things I have been given talent in, there are many things which I do not display talent. I instinctively back away from such things as quickly as I can. This is yet another silly weakness. Why do we limit ourselves so? Why not simply admit to ourselves that we are not great at this or that, but will enjoy it despite not being great at it? For example, I am not at all talented vocally. Singing is something I love. My ears however do not hold the same love for my singing as my heart does. So I shy away from it. I don't want to be ridiculed. I don't want people to hear me and have their ears begin to bleed. OK, it's not that bad, but it is something in which I just don't have much talent. Around others, I used to sing incredibly quietly, if at all. (I have always sang at the top of my lungs in the car. Now, I have a regular passenger but the she doesn't know how off-key I am. She loves it all the same.) My voice may not sound like the angels' to me, but I know that to my God--it does. I should never quiet my voice when it comes to singing His praises. In the past I have. I have sung quietly in church when my heart wanted to sing out loud. What a shame. Perfectionism again, at its worst. Why should I care if anyone sitting next to me doesn't think it's beautiful? It's not for them anyway, it is for MY GOD. I don't do this anymore. I sing out. I give Him my all.

We all need to let go of our insecurities and excel at the things we are talented with and yet not over analyze them and brutalize ourselves trying to perfect them. We should also enjoy the many things in which we show little or no talent; and we should do so for the sake of enjoying life and praising our God. Life is entirely too short to limit ourselves or exhaust ourselves dealing with perfectionism. It is the tool of the enemy. It is born out of insecurity. Don't let it bind you. Rip it from your soul and cast it into the fire from which it came from. Unleash yourself. Be bold enough to be imperfect. Sing out loud. Sing to the heavens, out-of-tune or not! Write from your heart, polish it up, and bless the world with your words. Don't kill it with perfectionism.

Take these words and apply them to your life. Blend them in with your talents and insecurities. Free your soul to soar!

Only God is perfect. Be you. Be real. Bless the world with the gift of YOU.

The Painful Truth--A Blessing in Disguise.

I need to take a moment to thank a friend. I have a friend who is bold, but may not realize it. This friend cared enough to speak the truth. They risked hurting my feelings in an effort to truly help me. I think that is usually when the truth needs to be revealed the most. That is also when it is the hardest for most to say and the hardest for most to hear. The old saying "the truth hurts" can be so very true. I think most people would agree. Sometimes the truth, as painful as it might be, is just what the doctor ordered. My friend, you know who you are, I sincerely thank you. First-for your continued encouragement, second-for your honesty, and third-for the risk you took.

It really can be risky for a friend to tell the whole truth. It can be difficult to determine how receptive the other person can or will be to what they hear. Sometimes in unfortunate cases, the truth can hurt so deeply that the receiver cannot deal with the sting. It can damage some friendships. I believe this is usually because of pride. We all know what the Bible says about pride--it precludes destruction. True friends can speak the truth knowing it may sting. The great thing is that with good friendships the sting will fade in the knowledge that it came from love.

I took to heart the truth my friend spoke to me. I analyzed it. I broke it down. I came to the realization that they were correct in what they observed. It opened my eyes to things I hadn't taken the time or effort to fully consider. I think that I will be quite pleased with the changes I make in response to what my friend said to me. I will be honest with you, it was hard for me to hear. It was very difficult to put down my reasons, my excuses, my defenses and be open to a different viewpoint. It is often very hard to make ourselves vulnerable to critique. I think that is completely normal but is not usually very productive. One thing I learned from this little experience is that hearing someone else's concern, knowing it comes from love, can change things--big things. I believe that since I was able to set aside my pride and my viewpoint, that something very important to me will become better and much improved. What a beautiful thing!

I want to thank you, my friend, for reaching out and taking a risk in order to truly help another person. Boldness is a rare find these days. My hat is off to you. I hope you see improvement and change in what you brought to my attention. I can't thank you enough for speaking the truth in love. Sounds awfully biblical! I love it. Thank you again.

Dare to Share His love....

I've been a little quiet lately. I know that the Holy Spirit who resides within me is always poking, prodding, and urging me. It inspires me to say what needs to be said and what needs to be heard. I have allowed many people to poke holes in my resolve . However, I believe that what I write is not of me but is inspired by the love of God, His Word, and His way.

Therefore, I want to proclaim my love for God. He loved me so much that He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for all of the horrible things I have done in my life. He also did the same for each and every one of you. He sent Him so that sin would no longer separate us from Him. He couldn't bear to be separated from me...or from you. Who among us could be so bold to say we'd do the same for anyone else? I wouldn't sacrifice my precious child for anyone. I certainly wouldn't do it for people who scoff at me, deny me, betray me, continuously hurt me. I know I could never do that. I couldn't even give her for someone who loved me and treated me well. God did. He did it for you. He did it for me. He did it for the killer sitting on death row. He did it for all of us, no exceptions.

When His Word, His Love, His Precepts inspire me to write something, I will write it. I will no longer question how it will be perceived, who will take offense, who will love it, and who will hate it. He deserves my all. He deserves nothing less than for me to be His faithful servant using the talents and gifts He's given to me. I must continue to utilize the gift of the Holy Spirit who daily inspires me to write. I will use those talents and gifts to the very best of my ability. I will speak to all who will hear. I will shout from the mountain tops. No one will dampen my fire.

God deserves my best. He deserves yours as well. Anything less than our very best is an excuse. He sacrificed His all for me. He did the same for all of you. I will speak of Him, His love, and His truth ALWAYS. He is my reason for life, love, hope, and salvation. I will not allow anyone to knowingly or unknowingly slow me down in sharing His love, His forgiveness, His Glory, and His eternity. His message is what I am called to share.

I thank all of you who encourage me to write, to speak up, and to share. I pray that something--anything I write or say inspired by the Holy Spirit touches one life, one soul, one searching or hurting or seeking person. That is my calling. I will not give up. I will not fade. I will not falter. He deserves my all. He gave His all for me. I can give nothing less in return!

What's your "Gracyn"?

I ran across a box of old photos today. This particular one made me laugh out loud. Are we slaves to eras or what? The shades, the shoulder pads, the branded jeans, the bangs, etc...nothing less than typical for that time frame. Makes me laugh, makes me want that figure back! Makes me want those bangs to stay dead and buried in old boxes of photos, never to resurface!

It's a pretty cool thing to look back in time. To reflect on where you once were, where you've been since that time, and where you are now. WOW, how much road I've traveled since that picture!

In that picture, I was leaving the house of my best friend at that time. Years later, I married him. We divorced 8 years later. I met someone else after that and lived through a tough life for another few years. That relationship imploded and I left it a mom-to-be. Then I moved on made new friends, rekindled strong relationships with my family, and most importantly came back to my God. Whew! What a whirlwind of events since that picture was taken. You could have NEVER convinced that girl in the picture that ANY of that stuff would've happened that way. NEVER!!!! She would've thought you were completely insane. But one wrong step, one wrong decision can take you places you never imagined you'd go and never wanted to go or planned to go.

The cool thing is...deep down that sweet, innocent, hopeful young woman is still alive and well inside of me. We can recover from our pasts. We can come running back home to God. No matter how big your mistakes are, they are never too big for God. The little things you struggle with or can't seem to manage by yourself consistently; they are never too small for God either.

God blessed me in countless ways and even used some of the nightmare to pull me back out of the cesspool my life had become. Nothing is too big or too small for Him. His grace is sufficient. His grace can flood your life. It began as a little peanut in my belly, later appropriately named Gracyn. Look for him in your BIG monster struggles as well as in your little itty bitty struggles, frustrations, and distractions. He will provide help, a way out, whatever you need, HE WILL throw you a life-line. You have to be looking for it. Mine was Gracyn. What's yours? What will yours be? He will throw them out to you throughout your whole life in your various stages, mistakes, and struggles. Look for them. Watch for your next "Gracyn". I am always looking for mine in my current challenges. They are there, but we have to be seeking them and always watching for Him. Trust Him and you'll be amazed at what He will do in your life, I am still amazed each and every day.

Crazy Nuts--All of YOU!

Brrrr! It's cold out! I don't get to say that too often living in here in the south. I am sure that to some people...this "ain't cold"! However, to me it is. I've realized over the years that I am not too terribly fond of cold weather. I am not saying I like HOT weather, because I don't just purr in the heat of a southern summer either. But there's just something about cold that BITES. I don't mean that in the slang sense "Oh man, that BITES...", but in the sense that there is a sting or bite, if you will, to cold weather for me. Cold is painful to me. Makes my hands hurts, makes me shiver, makes my nose red and runny, stings my lungs, the list of things goes on and on. I am really not a fan of any of those things to be honest. When it's hot, yeah it's uncomfortable, as is cold, but it doesn't make me hurt, or sniffly or stiff, or sick.... The thing of it is--I love this time of year...not speaking of the weather, but the holidays, family, friends, food, etc... If it could only dip down to 50 degrees and that be it...I'd be thrilled. I do like to watch the occasional snow fall, but I have no desire to be out there "in it". Watching from a warm and snugly blanket at the window sipping hot chocolate, is the way I enjoy a good snowfall. One of the reasons I've not gone on the many ski trips to which I have been invited--the cold and wet and snow...I just can't stand it. In fact, I think that I would enjoy skiing, as I enjoy almost every outdoor activity I've ever tried. But alas, I despise cold. Maybe it is because I've grown up here in the land of heat. Maybe that has nothing to do with it. Perhaps my displeasure with cold is just part of who I am.

That's the great thing about people; we are all so different! My dear friend Amy wrote a blog about missing the winters up north where she grew up. As she described it in such colorful detail, I was sad for her because she missed it so. However, it sounded just horrible and miserable to me. Funny, isn't it? Something she so dearly misses, sounded completely miserable from my perspective. I think that's great. How boring would it be if we were all the same?!

Seasonal preferences etc...are just the tip of a monstrously HUGE iceberg. Our lives are so much more interesting and colorful because of the little things that makes us all so different, unique, and interesting. Give thanks for the colors in your life--the things that make you YOU and make your friends and family the crazy nuts that they all are! God designed each and every one of us special and completely different than anyone else on the planet! I am so glad he did! The multitude of little intricacies in each of us are the things that make me appreciate my family and friends so very very much, each and every one of them, each in their own unique way!