Square Pegs

Seems that everyone is searching for love. Sometimes we do stupid things "in the name of love". Why do you think that this "love" is so elusive for so many? Why is it that sometimes we do such incredibly stupid things in an effort to capture it? Is the "idea" of love that we carry around in our heads a reality at all? Have we created something within our minds that doesn't truly exist?

I think that many people don't realize what it is exactly that stirs within themselves. There is something in their life that isn't filled--a gaping hole, a chasm. Many of us think that a person, the "right" person, can fill that chasm. There is a longing for companionship, friendship, passion, one-ness with someone else. Who has never felt that need? I don't know a single person that hasn't felt that ache. I have. It is universal. What causes it? Can it be tamed? Can we find the "right" person and "be filled"?

You want the truth, right? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the answer is: NO. Your soul-mate doesn't exist. I know, I sound pessimistic, cruel, and maybe even jaded. I probably sound like someone that has been burned one too many times. Perhaps I come across as though I've just never found that person, the "right" man. If you know me well, that may seem to be an obvious conclusion. However, I would like to argue that point. I have a good case to support my view. Plus, despite how pessimistic it sounds, it couldn't be a more optimistic viewpoint!

Here's my position: No man or woman can ever fill that longing. It is impossible. That longing comes from the One who designed us in His image. We miss the mark when trying to find the right person. It isn't a person at all that we are longing for. We think it is. We argue the physicality of it all. However, the root is not a physical one at all. We long for pure love. Pure devotion. Love without bounds. Love without strings attached. Love without conditions. I GUARANTEE that you cannot find such a thing walking this earth. God designed you in His image. When we understand our God, then we can better understand our longing. Do you understand why God created "man" in the first place? If you don't, let me help you... He wanted a relationship--someone to love and someone to love Him in return. Someone with whom He could have a relationship. That's also why He gave us choice and free-will. Everyone wants to be desired by choice. He would have it no other way. That is why He gave us the choice to love Him and have a relationship with Him, or not. So---all of that being true, let's move on. If we are designed in His image (not meaning that we look like Him), then we too have something deep within us that spurs us into the same longing. We long to love and be loved in return. Who better can fill that void than your God? He made you specifically for that purpose. Why do we not understand this? Why put that kind of pressure on another human being? It's CRAZY to do so!

Since we are creatures made for relationship, it seems obvious that we'd also want relationships with fellow human beings. We should! We have deep relationships with family, friends, and even (for some) with others in a romantic setting. That is wonderful. I believe God intended it to be that way. Life should be full of deep and meaningful relationships. We are made that way. BUT, why do we put the "be all, end all" relationship pressure on anyone of this earth? No one can possibly fill that role successfully. It is not possible. That relationship can only be successful with God. Don't try to fit a person (a square peg) into God's (round peg) position. You will never be truly fulfilled. The person will fall WAY short. You will be unhappy and so will your partner. No one can survive that kind of pressure or expectation. That's because it is not their role to fill. But, we just keep trying to find that ONE person that fills that void. Until we look to God to fill it, we will continue to feel that emptiness, that longing, and that unending ache.

I have found in my life, that the minute, the instant that I stopped trying to find the right person to make me stop "aching", and I looked to God to fill that role, THAT'S the moment I became content. I am filled. I don't have a "significant other". I don't know if I will ever have someone in this life to fill that role...and for the first time in my life, I am totally OK with that. The reason for my contentment is that I have filled that gap. That role has been filled with GOD. The position is no longer open to applicants. Any relationships that I have in my life outside of that are GREAT, but they can't hold a candle to the one relationship that completely sustains me. How could I have ever thought another person could do that? The saying that "there is a God-shaped hole in all of us" couldn't be more true. We all need to stop trying to force a person into that hole. THEY WILL NOT FIT. It is God-shaped for a reason. He designed the hole. He knows He fits there. BUT--He will not fill it without being invited. God is a gentleman, He waits for the invitation.

Be aware of your longings. Know that the reason you exist is to have a relationship with God. He longs for you. Do not keep trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You'll end up breaking something (if you haven't already) if you keep trying to force things to fit where they do not fit. If you feel empty, lonely, aching for someone, my advice is to fill it with God. Nothing else will fit. You are made in His image. He made you like Him. He desires you, and whether you realize it or not, your desire is for Him. He is the only one who can heal your ache. I know, I speak from experience. I no longer have that chasm in my heart. I have never been happier or more fulfilled. I no longer have that unending ache. Look to Him. You may think the ache is for a physical person, perhaps the enemy has warped your perception. I too thought the same thing. I ached to be held, touched, kissed, etc...all of those things. (I won't go too far with that, but I DO UNDERSTAND). Today I am fulfilled. I don't ache anymore. I don't want you to ache anymore either. Please (listen closely) know that God desires you as much as you are desiring someone else. Go for it. Let Him be your soul mate. It makes perfect sense. No one else can possibly fit your God-shaped hole. It is God-shaped for a reason. Seek Him out. Draw Him into your heart. You will find what you've been searching and longing for all this time. I PROMISE! It is HIS design.