This is difficult to discuss for some reason. It is easier to leave things unsaid. Covered up. Unexposed. But I am going to make myself open up and be vulnerable with you all....The truth of it is, I really have a hard time sharing my faith. Not to my family, not to my friends, but to the rest of the world. Sheepishly, I try to counter that by telling myself that being kind, trying to reflect Christ in my daily life is a way of sharing my faith, but is it really? Have I ever intentionally shared my faith with a stranger? No. Have I ever been purposeful in spreading the good news to the world? Not really. It is not that I hide it, but I don't make a concerted effort to share it either. Why??? I don't know exactly. What is my fear? I am afraid that I won't have all the answers and that will turn someone away. I am afraid that I will fumble my words. I am afraid that I won't have the impact that I believe the good news of Jesus Christ so richly deserves. I am afraid that there will be holes in my delivery. I am afraid someone will think I am weird, a Bible thumper, a radical. So many fears. I hate that. I have THE answer. I have THE key. I have what this dying world needs to truly LIVE. I have it and I am afraid to share it. HOW PITIFUL. I know that all will not hear it. I know that all will not accept it. I know that I may be persecuted. I know all of this, but I have the God of the Universe behind me, in my corner, ready, willing, and able to give me strength. But I focus in on my fears, my weaknesses, and my image. How selfish. How faithless. How NORMAL!
I could revel in my normalcy. I know MOST Christians struggle with the same things. Ahhh, the comfort of being among so many who understand. Oh, the sweet release of pressure of knowing that I am not alone. But what a travesty!!!! I do not want to be among the many. I do not want to be the standard, normal, complacent Christian. I want to be on fire. I want to be fearless. I want to give the world THE cure emphatically. I want to shout it from the mountain tops. I want to know that I have God working within me. I want to use His Holy Spirit to guide my words, to give me boldness, to fill me with strength that I never dreamed possible. I want to ooze the good news. I want anyone and everyone that meets me to be insistent to know what it is that I have, that they so desperately need. I want to never second guess myself to share it with them. I want to be a LIGHT, a beacon to the lost, a port for those drowning in the storms of this fallen world...and I am not.
I guess I wanted to share this with you all, to get it out there, to get it exposed. I pray that I intentionally change this. I pray that I enlist the God of the Universe to help me be bold, daily. I want to reach outside of my comfort zone when it comes to sharing my faith. I want to surround myself with those people who already do. I want to learn from them, to follow their lead and their example. I want to be bold. I have the CURE and I am more often than not, keeping it to myself. I don't want to do that a second longer. Pray for me. Pray for courage. Pray for change in my life. Pray for fearlessness because: If God be for me who can be against me!!!
Thanks for letting me expose my weakness and my fear.
3 comments:
Have you ever noticed things that may appear difficult for us as individuals, often appear much easier when looked at as a group? Christianity is almost impossible as an individual, but that is the very reason the church exists, so we do not have to take on this difficult tasks alone. Evangelism is another of those daunting tasks when looked at by an individual, and it well may be daunting if we "go it alone." It has been my experience that those we find needing Christ may not identify very well with my testimony, and may not match up well with yours, but if we had multiple testimonies, perhaps the person needing Christ could identify more closely with someone else in the group, and say to themselves, "If this person (very much like me) can experience that (salvation), maybe I could too. The GREAT NEWS is indeed more effectively spread by a group than by individuals. How big a group? Depends! But, effectiveness (saving lost souls) is the task and we must find ways to get it done, eternity for the lost is in the balance.
I could have written that! I am so with you.
Carlotta,
I'm one of Amy's friends and have read your blog from time to time. Let me just say that you are one talented writer! It is obvious that God continuously reveals things to you and that is so awesome. He knows that you will "share the word" by using your gift of writing to speak to others. You're very much an envangelist, even if you find it hard to share your faith with everyone you come in contact with.
I have always struggled with this myself. I just try to live the Christian life, hope that people see my inner joy, and ask me what my secret is. I'm thinking this probably isn't the right "answer" because I should reach out to others more, but I'm a shy girl at heart and also do not like rejection. I guess I may need to work on that a little bit, huh?
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