Just NOT That Into You! (or vice versa)

It seems to be an epidemic. Or maybe I am just now really noticing.

Why do people choose to settle? In relationships? I mean really. If that weren't the case, there wouldn't be such a demand for ridiculous books called "He's Just Not that Into You." Are we that lonely? Are we that unsure that God will provide what we desire? Are we that unhappy with ourselves that we'd rather settle than be with ourselves...alone? Makes me wonder.

I spoke this week with a friend of mine from work. She's in her late 20's and is in a new relationship. New being about six months into the process, and three years of friendship prior to dating. She knows that he is not anchored there with her. She knows he has someone else he's held up as "most ideal" in his heart, that he hasn't let go of. She senses his hesitation. She knows of his " other feelings". But yet, she stays. She hopes. She tries and tries. She waits. She wonders. She cries. I can wonder about all of this out loud (in writing) because I've done it. I am not just calling everyone else but myself out on this. I'VE DONE IT. And in the moment...I couldn't seem to help myself either. But when we waste precious time, precious life on someone who doesn't share the same level of connectedness and passion with us, and it eventually falls apart, it is devastating...WHY? Because we knew better. We knew we were making a fool's gamble. We knew we would lose and yet we played anyway. Is there anyone reading who hasn't done this? Perhaps. BUT I HAVE.

And what about the other side of this? What about the person who knows they "just aren't that into the other person romantically"? What about them? Ever been one of them? I HAVE. It's just as messed up as the other person's role. When that person knows they don't share the feelings, the connectedness, the commitment to the other, it will become a mess. It's wrong to subject that other person to that. Especially if you perpetrate it so well that they truly don't know how you feel (or don't feel, as the case may be). Sigh. I've been there, done that. Devastated people doing it.

So, what's the answer here? Gosh, wouldn't it be great if I knew? Am I just writing this to make observation? Do I usually do that? Nope. I don't. See, I recognize that in the beginning of a new relationship, feelings, and connections don't develop between two people at the exact same rate. In the beginning, those speeds are very rarely the exact same. But if there is a true connection, a true possibility of a future, they usually catch up to one another over time. And by time I don't mean three years, or even one... It's about the 4-8 month marker that both parties may have a good idea that something just isn't "right". And if both parties don't know, ONE does. So why when we get there do we not just bailout? Are we hoping it will just magically change? That we can magically develop what doesn't exist? DON'T!!!!

What concerns me most about this isn't the dating part, it isn't even so much, the anguish, like the girl at work, it is when we stick with it, no matter what erroneous role we play, and God-forbid take it into a marriage covenant. I know about these things!!!!!!! Then what!?!?! Then what?!?!?! Why not buck up and get out before you go there? Why not do the right thing, before you strap yourself in for life before GOD? Are we that afraid to be hurt and start over? Are we that invested by time that we can't bear to end it, knowing those months, sometimes years are all but gone? Are we just that insecure? Just that lonely? Just that selfish?

I don't have the perfect answer. I wish I did. I wish there was an easy fix to this epidemic that I observe. But it sure does help contribute to the explanation of the divorce rate. If it is not right...and you, in your heart of hearts, know it...don't keep on! I know it's difficult. I know it's painful. I know it's "HARD". I know you probably REALLY care for that person. Perhaps even love them. Perhaps are fearful of losing a friendship. Many reasons. Many easy ways to "justify" staying around. But believe me it will be worse if you continue on with the charade. It will be.

The girl at work, admits that she knows I am right. She knows his heart is not truly with her. She knows God wants better for her. And she cries. And she tries harder. But she doesn't walk away. I pray she will. OR I pray he will. She is young, beautiful, and a Godly woman. And yet, she is settling. But here is the REAL DEAL. God wants the BEST for us. Even in our romantic relationships. He wants us to have the best. HIM FIRST always, then HIS choice of mate for us. HIS CHOICE. If he or she is just not that into you...it is NOT God's best. If you are just not that into him or her... it is NOT God's best. Quit perpetrating a lie! Stop before it's too late. Step up. Be strong. Trust HIM.