Not Your Happiness But Your Holiness

Relationships require work. It doesn't matter if it is with God, your best friend, your parent, your spouse, your child, or your coworker or boss. All of them require some level of work in order to maintain them and to help them grow. The term work in regards to a relationship creates a negative connotation in some people's minds . So I will use the word "effort", even though I don't think anyone should shy away from work. It is fantasy-minded to believe that relationships that are good shouldn't require effort (or work). Anyone who believes that is going to be disillusioned and thus disappointed with relationships all of their life. ALL relationships require ongoing effort and maintenance to keep them afloat, healthy, and growing. Even the best and greatest romances have required significant effort. They do not "just happen".

Once we understand this and accept it, our relationships can be significantly better. And even more so if we are in a relationship with someone else who "gets it". You have to care enough about the other person though, in order to be able to make the efforts and take the time to nurture a relationship with them. That's where many of us fail. Selfishness isn't conducive to this process. We must be able to get beyond ourselves first and reach out to those in our lives. Sometimes, for all of us, it isn't easy or in our nature. But that's where God comes in. He is able to do all that we are unable to do. For Christians, He lives IN us and He can do far beyond anything we ask or imagine. He can get us beyond our selfish nature. He can help us show compassion when we feel none. He can help us relate to those we do not understand.

I have had people in my life that I just didn't understand. I didn't know why they took some things in ways I just didn't mean them. Or they were hyper-sensitive about things I thought were just silly. Or they had views or opinions that were just "way off" from mine. I understand having people that are very different relationally than I am. Maintaining and growing those relationships can be challenging. On my own, I will create wrecks of them...and I have. But with God, they can be beautiful and blessed relationships. I have one with a coworker of mine that I just thought I COULD NOT deal with. God has done what I could not do. He created understanding and compassion where I had NONE. He created a great relationship where I felt there was none to be had. That's the great thing about God being IN me. I have to say over and over, "I CANNOT DO THIS...but GOD CAN". And the truth is...HE CAN. I fall short in every relationship I am in. I just do. As a parent. As a daughter. As a sister. As a friend. As a coworker. As a child of The King. In all of my relationships. I always will fall short on my own. But when I admit that I am not enough and I allow Him to work THROUGH me, my relationships flourish. Even with those people that, on my own, I don't understand at all and I don't know how to relate to....I can do it WELL, because God who lives IN me.

This doesn't mean that I will always do things perfectly or even well. I still flounder around from time to time and try to handle things on my own. At those times I hurt people. I mis-speak. I don't do what I should do and I do do what I shouldn't do. I am imperfect and sometimes I try to do these things on my own. And I fail miserably. We all do. But God is gracious there too. He can help us regroup and get back on the right foot with the people in our lives that we care about. That's just a part of life and of relating to other people. They will hurt you, and you will hurt them. It's a fact. It's inevitable in life. But that's where GRACE comes in! Surround yourself with gracious people and ask God to grant you out-of-control graciousness as well. He will. It takes three to have a wonderful and growing relationship. THREE. You, the other person, and God. But when He gets involved it is SO worth it.

Don't cower away from amazing relationship potential because you don't feel that you can maintain them. Don't get me wrong, there are times when the other person is not morally or spiritually healthy enough to be in deep relationship with at that time. No one HAS to be in relationship with everyone else they know or meet. That's not possible or recommended. Be wise in choosing relationships. But always get in there with those you care for and those you respect, and especially those who cause growth in your life. Sometimes the most challenging relationships are the ones that cause us the most growth and most fulfillment. I heard my pastor say one time about marriage; "...it is not just about your happiness but your holiness". I think that can be said of most relationships. Growing them, maintaining them, and nurturing them can cause so much spiritual growth because you have to get OUTSIDE of yourself...that's where holiness begins! Don't bow out because you think you are not strong enough, deserving enough, good enough, or you are afraid of the effort. God can do what you cannot. He can be what you are not! He can and He is in you. Go for it. It's not about your happiness but your holiness. WOW.

(I also found that the subtitle of Gary Chapman's book Sacred Marriage says: What if God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy? I haven't read the book at this point but it seems like a concept worth exploring.)

Memories Frozen in Time

In the book of Luke, Chapter 2 starts out with the birth of Jesus. Luke is not the only one in the Bible to tell this miraculous story, but there is a verse in Luke that really stood out to me this time. It is verse 19 that says: Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. She knew this was significant, this was precious and miraculous, she knew that this was a moment to remember for all time.

What do you think it means to treasure and ponder certain moments in your heart? There have been certain times in my life that I recognized at the time were highly significant moments. The kind of moment/s I didn't ever want to lose or fade. That is when the time is right to treasure and to ponder. For me, it is almost like shutting out the whole world except for that moment and mentally soaking in it and absorbing it in my heart to keep forever. For me I have to be intentional with those kinds of moments otherwise they fade, their meaning loses its potency. That's why I make a concerted effort to memorize the moment, treasure it and ponder it; the sounds, the smells, the voices, the feelings, the colors, all of it. Like Mary did. I have only a handful of moments like that, but they are as clear to me now as they were when they happened. There are some moments that I didn't do this and I wish I had, because time is a thief, it will rob you of the impact of certain moments if you aren't careful to treasure and ponder them in your heart and then lock them there.

I had a moment like that this weekend. I knew what its significance would be for me in the years to come and I refused to handle it lightly. So I treasured it, pondered it in my heart, and memorized every detail of it that I possibly could because I knew that exact moment and those exact circumstances would never again come my way and I knew it was to be treasured. And no matter what may occur, I will always have that beautiful time in my life to recall and cherish any time I choose, because I locked it in my mind and my heart.

Life is very short. It isn't always kind. However, there are beautiful moments that come along from time to time with the people we love and cherish the most. I believe we should see those moments for the significant blessings that they are and truly cherish them. Treasure them and ponder them in our hearts. We should follow Mary's example. Recognize significant moments and people in your life and lock them into your heart. You never know when a moment or a person will be gone... Cherish those once-in-a-lifetime moments on purpose. As you recall them later, even years down the road in crystal clarity, you will be so glad that you did. I am. I truly am.

'Cause You Gotta Have Friends!

I had a conversation this weekend with a great friend. We talked about all kinds of things. Silly nonsensical things. Deep and eternal things. We joked around and harassed each other and also prayed together. These are the moments that I love. Moments spent with wonderful people. Friendship is such an incredible thing.

There are friends that come and go. There are friends that are always there and always involved. There are friends that the miles cannot separate. There are friends that are more family than your actual family. There are friends that you know are real and deep. Friends are one of God's most beautiful blessings. Time and circumstances will show you who your friends truly are. The ones who never falter and who always are there after the dust settles in your life...those are the real treasures.

I thank God for all of my friends. I pray to one day be as dear a friend to them as they've been to me. Friendship is a gift like none other. Friends are angels that we know by name. Friends are family we would have chosen for ourselves. They are fiercely loyal and more supportive that the best jogging bra on the market! They stick up for you through thick and thin. They are the true jewels of life. Always there ready to pee their pants laughing with you or to empty a box of tissues crying with you. I adore my friends. Life teaches you who the real ones are. And I've been taught that God has been wildly gracious to me and blessed me with the gift of friendship with a wide array of eclectic people whom I am beyond thrilled to call my friends.

Hated?

Such a harsh word. HATE. Have you ever been hated? Really hated? Are you thinking, "of course" or "of course NOT"? Some of you are so sweet and so kind it would seem impossible for anyone to HATE you, right? Well, some say that about me too. BUT, some do not. I am hated. Some people in my past hate me, and for their reasons, I can completely understand. Some people in my present hate me, and for their reasons, I don't understand at all. In all cases, I don't like it. Does anyone ever like being hated?

Someone once said to me, "You try so hard to be a really NICE person, " and it is true. I do. But even those of us who make a genuine effort to be nice and kind to others can still be hated. Ask the people in my life and people who know me well. I am hated. Not by many. But the hatred exists all the same. However, as much as it hurts me and as confusing as it is to me, I found comfort.

Where else would I expect to find comfort but in the Bible. Someone sent this scripture to me via email because they knew I was wrestling with a certain situation in my life where hatred for me exists. I just can't stand it. And I certainly don't understand it. If I were mean, vicious, evil in some way, I could understand. If I took joy in others pain or if I intentionally went around hurting others, I would understand. But I'm just SO not that way. But it is OK. The scripture that was sent to me is John 15:18. It says, "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first." Wow, Jesus was hated too. Much more hated than me. And yet, He was kind, caring, and many more wonderful things than I am. I mean He was perfect and good in every way. And yet, He too was hated. I find comfort in that.

The chapter goes on to remind us that we are no longer of this world and that we will be hated by this world. Those who hate you and cannot accept you as you are in Christ or cannot forgive you for wrongs done or wrongs perceived are of this world. The heart of Christ is love. He taught us by example the greatest lesson of forgiveness. I forgive those that hate me. I love them. I pray for them. I ask God to help them release the hatred from their hearts and their lives. I've been there, so I don't condemn them. I've lived in that skin before. I can tell you by name someone I truly hated. His name was Lee. I won't use a last name, it's not necessary. But even in as much as I hated him and felt he fully deserved every ounce of my hatred and disdain, I came to a place where I knew in my heart that I couldn't be walking with Christ, yet despising a fellow man, as horrible as I knew he was. It just isn't possible to walk with Christ with those demons plaguing your soul. I released Lee in forgiveness. He doesn't care. He doesn't want it or even think he needs it. But I needed to release him and to love him. God loves him and sent His Son to die for him too. So, I know what it is like to harbor hate and anger for others. I do. But I also know the joy and peace and power found in forgiveness.

So, I know that hatred exists. And while I don't like it, I also know that my Lord FULLY understands. Please take comfort in that too. If you have those in your life who hate you, persecute you, condemn you, and rage at your existence, take comfort. This world is not your home. If you are loved by this world, that's when you might get concerned. Check out the scriptures following John 15:18. Being hated isn't such a bad thing after all. Expect it. And love them anyway. Jesus does and He is our example. Love them. Pray for them. Forgive them. It is what Christ modeled for us. Being hated it hard, but it should be expected. When you struggle with it remember Christ's words in John 15:18.

Are you REALLY beautiful?

(Not that it doesn't apply to men- it does, my thoughts are that this topic is heavily an issue for women.)

Ladies, how much time do you spend a day on your appearance? If you really think about it, it can be a bit surprising. Time spent on your hair, your face, your clothes, your weight, nails, dieting, working out, etc... And when you aren't actually doing something regarding your appearance, how much time do you spend thinking about it. Am I too heavy/skinny, my hair is pitiful today, I need new clothes, I wish my teeth were straighter/whiter, etc...

I wonder if we were truthful and added up all of that time how much time it would truly be. We live in a time and place were appearances are at the forefront of everything. It's crazy! And it is so easy to get caught up in it. Don't get me wrong, I think we all should make an effort to look our best. We are children of the King. But when we spend more time focusing on the outer beauty and refining and refining it and we neglect the inner beauty, then there is an UGLY problem.

How beautiful is someone really when it is all on the outside? We all know people like this. I've met men who were gorgeous on the outside, but when you get to know them on the inside, they instantly become VERY unattractive! I've encountered the same thing with ladies. I know someone who is stunningly beautiful on the outside (tall, long blond hair, barbie-like) but the she is "as shallow as spit" and quite catty. When I think of her, I don't think beautiful, sadly I think ugly.

As children of God, how much time do we spend on our inside, our soul, our heart, focusing on others and on Him as opposed to ourselves? That is what real beauty is. The most beautiful women I know, may or may not be outwardly breath-taking. But they are deep, caring, sharing, generous, Godly women.

So, I am not at all saying not to make an effort to look nice, I do, and I always will, but I think the time we spend cultivating Godly inner beauty should far outweigh the time we spend thinking about and working on our outward beauty. And sometimes as a woman, I need a reminder of that from time to time. I heard one today, so I am sharing a reminder with you too.

The Office Christmas Party!

For many people, this brings to mind crazy stories from years past, for some it may bring back horribly embarrassing memories, and still for others it may bring to mind nothing more than a boring, obligatory gathering of coworkers that despise each other as much as the company they work for.

This year I went to the best one I've been to since I've been a working adult. Although, it could be because I work at one of the greatest places on the planet. What a blessing. Singing, sharing blessings, praying, eating, eating some more, laughing hysterically, lifting up God in praise. It was awesome. The place looked stunning. They sure do know how to make a breath-taking presentation, as always. But it wasn't only beautiful to the eye, it was beautiful to the soul. What more could you ask for in a party? Joy and real beauty. A party/celebration focused on God's love for us illustrated through His Son Christ Jesus. Very cool. It's such a joy to work here with so many amazing people with sincere hearts for the lost of this world and with boundless generosity to those less fortunate than themselves. It's wonderful to see so many different and dear friendships with strong foundations in Christ. Very cool thing. Lots and lots of love and a definite overdose of laughter and sugar.

Thank you God for blessing me above and beyond my wildest dreams. You always do. I pray that You drink up the praise we lifted up to You and that You rejoice in the joy we find in You. What a party! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it and blessed by it. I am so proud and honored to be Your child.

Happy AND Healthy

It is said that laughter is the best medicine. Boy, that is true in so many ways and for so many "ailments". If you research it, you can find all kinds of documentation of illness and health improvement based on the mindset of the patient. But it is also good medicine for other ailments too, not just illness. Our whole life experience is better when we can laugh...a lot. Life is serious enough all by itself, why make it any more so by holding in laughter?

By this I mean, not being able to laugh at ourselves. I know many people who take themselves and life so seriously that they cannot laugh at themselves or anything that happens in their lives. We all know people like this. Perhaps some of us ARE people like this. But WHY? There is so much to be said for the soul that can laugh at itself. A soul that enjoys life even when it may be at their own expense. You see, if we cannot laugh when we make a dork of ourselves or if we mess up, that tension and embarrassment builds up. It becomes dangerous internal pressure. There are even harmful chemicals created in the body when we do this to ourselves. For some embarrassment makes them angry. Angry at themselves that they are not perfect, angry that someone else found it funny, angry that people are looking, embarrassed and fearful of what others are thinking about them, etc... This pressure builds up in people and it is unhealthy. I don't only mean mentally unhealthy. That kind of internal pressure and tension is toxic. There are chemicals released in the body during moments of joy and also in moments of stress and/or anger. I am obviously not a doctor but there are all kinds of published studies and such that document these chemicals. The benefits of the chemicals released during laughter and joy are incredible and health dangers of the chemicals released when in moments of stress, angry, embarrassment are quite scary. It's incredible to read what laughter and joy can do for your overall health. Check into it!

Don't take anymore time off of your precious life by being wound too tightly. Stop worrying or even thinking about what anyone else thinks! If you fall on your rear in the ice, if you lose a game, if you say something utterly stupid, whatever it is, LAUGH about it. Know that everyone else on the planet has those things happen to them too, regularly. Laugh and laugh hard, especially at yourself. Then move on. It is good for you!!! In so many many ways.