Frustrated AT God?

For your name's sake O Lord, pardon my guilt, for it is great. Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged, bring me out of my distresses.--Psalm 25:11, 16-18 Sometimes my heart has the same cry as David's. My guilt is great. I am lonely. I am distressed. The troubles of my heart are HUGE. Bring me out of this!!! Can you relate sometimes? Boy I can. Sometimes however, I am on the mountain top! I am full of joy and peace and harmony. I swim and float in the cool waters of my gracious and loving Lord. All seems well in my world.

There are scriptures for all of the ups and downs of life. Isn't is awesome to be able to pick up the Word of God and know that we are not alone? To see that life as a Christian is not one smooth and perfect ride, with no bumps or bruises, for anyone. But to also see that there is hope and joy and true LIFE to be enjoyed as well. God is gracious to have given us this amazing book to help us on this wild ride of life and the pursuit of His Will. I cannot fathom the kindness, love, forgiveness, and grace He gladly gives to me. My feeble mind cannot conceive of such love. Yet, I am learning to accept and embrace it whether or not I truly understand it. And sometimes that is quite difficult. When I feel absolutely unlovable, and there are those times, and He loves me anyway, it is almost frustrating! Sometimes I just want to yell at Him, "Haven't you given up on me yet?! What is the matter with You? Can't you seem I am a MESS? Can't you see that I can't seem to get this thing right? Can't you see that I have screwed up again?!!" And yes, He sees all of that, He knows it all, but He loves me any way. EVEN in my frustration with Him and His love. With people, eventually after enough messes and enough screw-ups and enough sin and enough enough enough...there is a limit. Some/most people will bail out on you! I can grasp that! I see it all the time. I've deserved to be bailed on. But God, He is relentless with me. He just keeps on loving me and pursuing me and forgiving me. Sometimes I simply don't understand how or why. But as I have mentioned before, some things I need to just accept that I will never understand. "Lean not on your own understanding..."

Thank you God for your Word. Thank you for loving me when I am unlovable. For seeing Christ when you look at me instead of my mess! I don't get it, sometimes I don't know how to accept it. But right now, today, in this very moment, I thank you for it. You know, I certainly NEED it.

I am blessed beyond reason and in ways I cannot even comprehend. Thank you Lord for the good and the bad. I am learning and growing from it. I am in a wonderful place of hope, discovery, and internal change.