Writing by Faith

Here I am, questioning things again. Why do I do this? What is it that periodically makes me wonder if I am effective in my communication? I write blogs pretty regularly. I write from my heart and soul. I write in order to reach out to people, to give encouragement, to share my experience, and most importantly to please my God.

I go through periods of time when I question if what I write is blessing anyone--or if I am just putting myself out there only to be taking up cyber-space. I truly feel that what I write has been put on my heart by someone higher than myself--my God working through the Holy Spirit. I truly believe that. But with a venue such as this, it's hard to know who, if anyone, is reading. It's even more difficult to know if what they've read made an impact of any kind. It's not that I look for kudos or recognition, because believe me, if these words have made any impact, it is only because God gave them to me. What I miss in this venue is the warmth my heart feels from knowing something God has given me to say has blessed or encouraged or inspired another soul. I can't explain it. Watching the face of someone who all of a sudden "gets it" or seeing God touch someone in a way that they never have been touched before is priceless. And I long to experience the joy in seeing or hearing about such things from my readers.

I want to experience those kinds of things more than I do. I pray that there are readers here that I am unaware of. I pray that this blog has somehow blessed them for having visited here. I pray that, (even though I may not get the [somewhat selfish] joy of knowing it or seeing it,) these words make a difference in someones life.

I suppose that the process here is for me to walk by faith. I need to trust that the words that flood my heart and soul and find their way to this blog, were put there for a higher purpose. That purpose is not for me. It is for the reader. My joy in knowing the results is not the goal, it is just sometimes a wonderful side-blessing for me. I need to get beyond the limitations of this venue and rest assured that there is purpose in my writing, that it is put within me for a reason. I must have faith in that.

I pray that I continue to wake up with new words, new ideas, new revelations that I can't help but put into writing. I pray that those words encourage, inspire, and bless whoever stumbles across this page. I pray a prayer of thanks for those who have been so kind as to encourage my writing and inspire me to continue writing each day. I pray for the humility to keep it up despite never quite knowing if it has impact or not. I pray that I will rely on God to continue to inspire me and to continue providing the joy in writing in this venue.

I would truly appreciate your prayers as well, to go on, to continue serving my God in this manner, with or without concrete knowledge of it's impact. Please pray for me to understand that my only needed feedback comes from the One who called me to write in the first place! I know this, but sometimes I temporarily forget.

Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to stop by whether this is your first visit or if you are a regular reader. I appreciate it more than I could ever say.

How Will They Remember Me?

If you were gone from this earth tomorrow, what do you think you'd leave behind? I don't mean what things or people would you leave behind. I mean, what would be your legacy? How would people remember you? What would they have to say about your life?

Sometimes that is a tough thing to think about. There's so much all of us still have not done, still haven't said, still haven't experienced. But when it comes down to it, there are so few things that really bear depth and true importance. It's not where you traveled, is not the home you lived in, the car you drove, or the job you had. There is a song by Nicole Nordeman that says it all: Legacy. Here is a snippet from that song:

I want to leave a legacy

How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love?

Did I point to You enough

To make a mark on things?

I want to leave an offering

A child of mercy and grace who blessed Your Name unapologetically

And leave that kind of legacy

I don't have to look too far or too long awhile

To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy

It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile

Where moth and rust, thieves and such will soon enough destroy.

Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred

Just want to hear instead, "Well Done, my good and faithful one..."

Boy, for followers of Christ that just says it all! Where is our focus in this life? Is it on what we don't have? WHO we don't have? Is it all about ME? Is it all about YOU? Is negativity and turmoil our legacy? Is selfishness and materialism? Is whining and playing the perpetual victim our legacy? No one wants to be remembered in a negative way. But yet, sometimes we live in such a way that it's hard for others to see much else. Are we striving for recognition? Are we working ourselves so hard in our jobs that they take over our life...over our true calling? What are we filling our lives with? What spills out of our lives onto those around us?

Are we living our lives such that when we are gone, people will say, "That person was daily seeking God, encouraging others, and working hard to lead the lost to Christ. They were a true friend and never left a word of love unsaid." Wouldn't that be awesome? The truth of the matter is that it doesn't matter what people will say when we are gone, but I'd wager that what they will say will reflect fairly accurately on our Christian walk. I want that legacy to be worthy of my calling, to be worthy of my Lord. And His words when we leave this earth are the only ones that matter! I so desperately want to hear Him say, "Well done good and faithful one..."

We should try to take time to reflect honestly on what we think our legacy would be TODAY if we were gone. If you run from those kinds of thoughts maybe you ought to question WHY you run. I've lived moments in my life when I wouldn't reflect on my life because I knew what I would see, and I didn't want to face it. The truth is no one knows how long they have to walk this earth. Let's not waste a moment of it. Refuse to tarnish your legacy! And if you are tarnishing it, STOP. Stop today and clean it up and shine it until it sparkles! Your God deserves the best from you.

Let's all start today. Let's begin to live a life that will always point to Him. Let's live in such a way that we shine, we reflect His love, we honor Him and those around us. Let's spread love and joy. I want to live each day for Him and in a way that if I left TODAY, it could be said of me, "She was daily seeking God, encouraging others, and working hard to lead the lost to Christ. She was a true friend and never left a word of love unsaid." Join me in creating a wonderful legacy. Let Nicole's song ring in your ears! It's so much more than a beautiful song, it is a calling to all of us.

Careful: Contents May Be Shocking!

I watched a television show the other day and learned something quite profound. I don't typically expect to learn something when I watch television, (except when I am tuned in to a documentary and the like) I usually am watching to be entertained. However, this show really made me think. I won't go into the name of the show or the exact content, as that's not the important issue. I want to share with you what I learned.

Socrates once said "The unexamined life is not worth living". I've always agreed with that statement wholeheartedly. So with that frame of mind, I'd like to examine something we call "intentions". They are actually our motives. Here is an example: when asked why someone is working an incredible amount of long hours and the response is that it was because they wanted the money to buy a new car. Seems like a motive or and intention, right? I am doing THIS in order to get THAT. My intention is to have that nice new car. RIGHT? Well, it seemed very simplistic to me. But I was quickly corrected. The word used to describe what the new car actually was, was an OUT-tention (opposite of intention...clever right?). It is what is on the surface. But if you dig deeper into why that person wanted the new car in the first place, THEN you get to the true INTENTION or motive. They actually wanted to impress others, to keep up with the Joneses, etc... So they were working their tail off ultimately in an effort to impress others around them.

OK, so now you have an illustration of this concept, let's think about what happens when we dissect the things we say and do. If we stop for a split second and do this quick analysis in our lives each time we are about to do or say something, it may actually STOP you in your tracks if you are able to recognize the real INTENTION or motivation.

I did this just today. I was about to say something to someone. I stopped before I opened my mouth and was brutally honest with myself. I went beyond the surface (the OUT-tention) and wasn't happy with what I found to be the intention. It really bothered me. It wasn't anything substantial, on the surface, but it gave me a glimpse into the little daily things we all do and say that aren't healthy. There are things that flow out us every day because we don't take the time to analyze WHY. In my instance, I didn't like what I found. However, that displeasure that we have with ourselves often times brings forth change. Change is good. Change can cause GROWTH!

The truth of the matter, is that everything we do has intention/motive. Here's is my example from earlier today: I was going to say something very small and minor to someone today. The statement I was going to make would probably motivate the receiving person to give me a small (truly unnecessary) hand. When I stopped and wondered why I was going to make this tiny little statement, I realized it wasn't that I truly NEEDED a hand. It was that I wanted the receiver to know that I was tired and worn out from "parenting" my child. I wanted them to know I would've liked a momentary break. But when I examined why I wanted the break, the reality wasn't that just I couldn't go on any further. I wasn't at the point of exhaustion. No...I wanted validation. I wanted someone else to reinforce that I am a good mom, that I am devoted, that I work really hard during my day trying to keep up with my wild child. It was embarrassing to admit to myself THAT validation was what I was seeking, NOT a quick helping hand. (It is embarrassing to even admit here.) Now, don't get me wrong, it is good to have help, it is good to take a break, it is healthy and necessary. But my motive here...my true intention--was about validation not about a quick break.

I didn't make the statement to this person, by the way. I was surprised what I found in that small moment of introspect. It was enlightening. This example was not a big deal, but it illustrates on a very small scale, what I learned from watching that show. We needed to evaluate our intentions in the big and small details of our lives. It may completely surprise you, if you are brave enough to look at yourself with true honesty. I was shocked.

Once we see what are true motives are and if we see a pattern of doing and saying things in an effort to impress and please others OR if we are constantly seeking approval or validation we've got some things to deal with. Our goal should only be to please GOD. Our validation should come from within and from Him. For example my validation as a mom has to come from within me. It comes from knowing that I do what is in my child's best interest-that I am a caring, nurturing, sacrificing, giving, adoring mother, who makes certain that her child is in the best possible environment she can possibly be in at all times. I get my validation from BEING a good mom and knowing that within my heart, not from anyone else thinking that I am or saying that I am.

We have to take the time and undergo the discomfort of being honest and real with ourselves. We have to look at our INTENTIONS. Why do you say what you say to your spouse, to your "ex", to your mother, to your friends, to your boss? Why do you do the things you do? In some instances you may be so pleased to find that you have pure, Godly intentions. (I found that to be true of why I write...whew!) Other times, you will be disappointed, embarrassed, and/or frustrated with what you find within yourself. But I imagine that, just like me, those feelings will bring upon change for the better.

Take time to examine your life and your intentions. Go deeper than your 'out-tentions". Find the core motivating factors in the things you do. It just may change your life. It may stop you in your tracks, like it did me. Make Socrates proud. Examine and GROW!

Pearls of Wisdom

WISDOM. I crave it. I know many others do too. And what is truly strange is that I also know that many couldn't care less. I find that mind-boggling! Wisdom is one of the things I most desire.

In my search for wisdom, last night, I ran across an old friend of mine. This friend is a virtual treasure trove of wisdom, full of those highly sought after pearls! I couldn't believe it had been so long since we'd spent time together. I mean from the minute he speaks--wisdom is everywhere! Why had I waited so long to visit with him? I know what an amazing resource he's been in the past. I am ashamed to say that it has been years since we've really sat down together. It's one of those realizations we all have from time to time where we say, "What was I thinking, why did I wait so long to get together with you?!?!" But let me tell you, our time together last night was inspired! It was beautiful. I learned so much and was reminded of the lessons I have learned the last time he shared his wisdom with me. I'd be in much better shape if I didn't go so long between time with him.

I am betting that you think that perhaps I am not speaking about a person, or maybe you think that I am referring to talking with God in prayer or sitting down and reading the words of our Savior. Well, no. My friend is something a little different than prayer or the words of The Christ, but is chock full of wisdom no less. (And no, to those of you who know me WELL, I didn't sit down and talk with my dad either...) My friend is a source of wisdom outside of my normal three choices: God via prayer, the life and words of Christ via the Bible, and my dad. This source is one I had almost forgotten about, but deep down I simply adore!

What I am referring to is not a person at all. (I bet you had figured that already) It is a book. One of the greatest books ever printed, in fact! I still am slapping my forehead for having gone so long between readings. It is dripping with wisdom. It is oozing with insight. And no, for any Max Lucado fans like me, Max didn't write this book either. This book is an old one. Really old. It is the book of Proverbs. I am ashamed to say, I haven't read this book in years. Now, I have read a verse or two in Bible study and such. But I have not sat down and read it--in years. It is a book that is overflowing with what so many of us seek as Christians today--WISDOM. It is an amazing book for daily living. If we could all read this book, refer back to it regularly, and do our very best to live out its insights, we'd all be so much better off!

So my recommended reading is the incredibly helpful yet easily overlooked book in the Bible called Proverbs. It is nothing less than pure treasure for Christians today. It is so easily applied, not just for Christians but for all those struggling with daily life. It is clear, easy to read, and SO applicable.

I am so thankful today for the blessing of this book. I missed my dear friend. I am so glad we reconnected. Life is so much simpler walking hand in hand with this dear friend of mine! Thank you, Holy Spirit for leading me to flip the pages of my Bible last night and for landing on this old friend. WISDOM lives in its pages! The same life wisdom I so deeply desire was sitting there right in front of me all along. (Another forehead slap! OUCH!)

For all of those wisdom seekers like myself, take some time to read (or reread) this book. If you read, it, understand it, take it into your heart, and live its teachings, your life WILL change and markedly improve. Such wisdom!

Enjoy the pearls!

Prime Real Estate--YOUR MIND!

I believe that many of us would say that we trust God. The real question is: do we really? To what lengths?

When you are in the middle of a heart-wrenching, family-splitting divorce...do you trust in Him? When you've lost a loved one to illness, do you trust Him? When you lose your means of income, do you trust Him? When you are betrayed by someone dear, do you trust Him? When you long for love, do you trust Him? When you are overwhelmed at work? When you are at odds with a friend? When you want a child? When you want a spouse? In the big and small events of your life, do you trust Him?

Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. We can all easily spout off about how much we trust Him, but our actions, our behaviors, our moments alone, our deepest thoughts can easily tell another story. I have said before that it helps me to think of God as a father. I am a mother and I know I'd do anything for my child that I think is in her best interest. No matter what that means and no matter if she likes it or even understands it. Those last two elements are not my priority; they are very, very secondary. Her happiness, safety, and well-being are my FIRST concern. God is that way with us. He ONLY wants our happiness and our well-being. Everything He sets forth for our lives is based on that. Why do we act as children and fight against Him? Why do we question His way? If we truly trust, as we say we do, our actions/thoughts both public and private should reflect that trust. My life, as well as yours I'd bet, doesn't always reflect my unfailing trust. I have said many times (mostly to inattentive ears) that actions say it all. Talk is cheap. Words are just words. Anyone can say they trust Him fully. I hear that statement all the time. I think we desperately want to, but don't know how to. Right? In all honesty, it's not that we don't WANT to, we just don't know HOW to.

I think the answer is a day-by-day thing. I believe that being in constant communication with God throughout our day is KEY. I don't believe that communication/prayer is restricted to bedtime, before meals, etc... I talk to God all day long. It is not in an organized format. It is not formal. It is like talking to a friend. Don't leave God at home when you get in the car and leave for work or wherever you go. Take Him with you. He should be your constant companion--in the car, in the conference room, at your desk, during your lunch break, on the drive home. So actually, it is a minute-to-minute thing.

If you understand that God is easily accessed throughout your day and communicates with you via the Holy Spirit, how can you feel alone? It's so much easier for the enemy to get a foothold in your mind if you've taken God out of there and left Him at home sitting on your nightstand next to your bed waiting for bedtime prayer. If your daily thoughts are with Him, on Him, and seeking union with Him in all the little and big things you do, it's hard for the enemy to sneak in. Does this make sense?

My most difficult times are when I am alone. When I have managed to distance my thoughts from my God, my family, my Christian friends, and when I start thinking about ME--that is when Satan tiptoes in. When my thoughts are not on God and/or on others is when I am most susceptible to the lies he whispers into my ears. We all need to be very acutely aware that the moment you begin to focus on YOU is the moment that Satan is most able to jump in and start the demolition. It's so OBVIOUS, isn't it? It's so expected. SO predictable...he does it to me and to you. When we focus on pleasing God and helping others, Satan cannot get a foothold. If we know this to be true...and we do--then it's seems that we know how to keep it from happening.

So actually, we DO know how to begin to trust Him and how to show it in our actions and in our thoughts. Trust is based on having a deep relationship with Him. You can't have a real relationship with Him if He's always left on your nightstand...waiting and waiting, hoping you're not too tired by the time you get back there. If He is your friend, your constant companion, how can you not trust Him in all aspects of your life? Seek Him out every minute of your day. Talk to Him. Let Him fill the space in your mind that the enemy so desperately wants--it is PRIME REAL ESTATE. When you're fixing breakfast, when you're shaving, when you're struggling to meet a deadline, when you're stuck in traffic...spend time with Him. Understand that communication with Him doesn't have to be in a formal, organized manner. He is a friend. Treat Him like one. An intense trust will develop. Then you can lean on Him and trust Him in all that your life holds, whether it is divorce, illness, bankruptcy, loneliness, infidelity, work overload, spats with family, burnt toast. He is there, keep your heart and mind full of Him--leaving NO room for your enemy to step in. Seems logical, simple, even obvious for goodness sake. IT IS. Trust is born out of true relationships. Develop yours with Him. It's awfully hard to trust someone you don't know intimately. Draw close to Him. Know Him. Allow Him to occupy and take over the space in your mind that the enemy covets. Live in the peace and in the contentment that only trusting in Him can provide.

Whispers of Uriah

Have you ever thought you weren't good enough? Ever thought your faith wasn't BIG enough? Ever thought that there was someone much better suited for the job than you? I find myself thinking this from time to time too. It mostly occurs in my Christian walk when I hear God call me to a task. Sometimes I have thought that I wasn't the right person for this or that because of my past. Certainly there are people MORE qualified who don't have pasts as colorful as mine. Surely, THEY are better suited to minister. Why, well because they DIDN'T fall into the sin that I did. They overcame the temptations and veered away from the traps that I stumbled into. THEY clearly are better at this than I am.

Well, if we all have to be perfect to be an instrument of God, then all is hopeless. There is not a perfect one here. I am certainly close to the top of that imperfect list. Fortunately for all of us, when God calls us, it is because we ARE the right person for the task at hand. Otherwise, He'd call someone else.

If our past failings and struggles were decisive in our ability to minister or be of use to God then what's up with King David? When I hear the voice of the enemy try to whisper doubt into my soul, I always remember King David. He was "God's Man". He did fall WAY short, however. But the good news is, HE RECOVERED and was used mightily by God. This King did unspeakable things. He had a monstrous past too. Probably much worse than yours. Look how God used him and blessed his life. Our pasts can be overcome. They can be used to propel us into service. I'd bet the name Uriah, moved King David forward in God service in ways we can't imagine. I'd bet the name Uriah never left David's mind. Do you have a name like that? Do you have one that moves you to be a better person, a stronger follower of Christ? I do. I have a few to be honest. OK, well, FOUR to be specific. There are four lives that will never be the same because of my wrong-doing, my selfishness, and my weakness. The enemy would like for those four names to paralyze me. To be honest, for a while they did. I carried so much regret and shame with me over them that I could barely move. I did that for quite a while. I bet there was a time that King David did too, but not for long.

It may not be other people that you damaged. Maybe it was yourself that you injured, maybe you still are. Do not let your past (or present) hold you back. Don't let the enemy use it against you. That's one of his most effective weapons against growing Christians. He will do everything he can to make you feel that you don't measure up. He wants you to be paralyzed by your own struggles whether they are past or present. He'll use anything that you let him to in order to strangle your potential and effectiveness as a follower of Christ and a light in the world. Use your struggles, failings, and your past as ammunition against him. Use them to fuel your fire against him. I'd bet anything that is something that King David had in his arsenal. Satan thought that the memory of Uriah and David's horrific behavior and actions would bring David to his knees in surrender. I see a very different thing in the life of David. He used it to bring himself to his knees alright--not knees bent in surrender to his past, but knees bent to God.

Give up your past, give God your struggles, and your weaknesses. Use them to launch forward in God's service. If you feel God calling you, never talk yourself out of it. Never let Satan talk you out of it. We all fail. We all struggle. We all fall WAY short. We are human. Me, you, your pastor, your most revered Christian friends and mentors are all human and all have many things we could let hold us back. Read about the life of King David. Reread it if it's been a while. Understand that he did unspeakable things in his life and God still chose to use him, love him, and bless him. Let David be a motivating biblical figure for you. He is for me--in so many ways! When Satan whispered the name of Uriah in David's ear, it moved him--forward. Satan whispers names in my ear too--quite often, hoping they will bring me to my knees. THEY DO--but in prayer and devotion which propel me forward in God's service. Be aware of the tricks and tools of your enemy...then use them against him! It's truly empowering! David's ears heard whispers of Uriah, what is being whispered in your ears? What are you doing with it?

Square Pegs

Seems that everyone is searching for love. Sometimes we do stupid things "in the name of love". Why do you think that this "love" is so elusive for so many? Why is it that sometimes we do such incredibly stupid things in an effort to capture it? Is the "idea" of love that we carry around in our heads a reality at all? Have we created something within our minds that doesn't truly exist?

I think that many people don't realize what it is exactly that stirs within themselves. There is something in their life that isn't filled--a gaping hole, a chasm. Many of us think that a person, the "right" person, can fill that chasm. There is a longing for companionship, friendship, passion, one-ness with someone else. Who has never felt that need? I don't know a single person that hasn't felt that ache. I have. It is universal. What causes it? Can it be tamed? Can we find the "right" person and "be filled"?

You want the truth, right? Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the answer is: NO. Your soul-mate doesn't exist. I know, I sound pessimistic, cruel, and maybe even jaded. I probably sound like someone that has been burned one too many times. Perhaps I come across as though I've just never found that person, the "right" man. If you know me well, that may seem to be an obvious conclusion. However, I would like to argue that point. I have a good case to support my view. Plus, despite how pessimistic it sounds, it couldn't be a more optimistic viewpoint!

Here's my position: No man or woman can ever fill that longing. It is impossible. That longing comes from the One who designed us in His image. We miss the mark when trying to find the right person. It isn't a person at all that we are longing for. We think it is. We argue the physicality of it all. However, the root is not a physical one at all. We long for pure love. Pure devotion. Love without bounds. Love without strings attached. Love without conditions. I GUARANTEE that you cannot find such a thing walking this earth. God designed you in His image. When we understand our God, then we can better understand our longing. Do you understand why God created "man" in the first place? If you don't, let me help you... He wanted a relationship--someone to love and someone to love Him in return. Someone with whom He could have a relationship. That's also why He gave us choice and free-will. Everyone wants to be desired by choice. He would have it no other way. That is why He gave us the choice to love Him and have a relationship with Him, or not. So---all of that being true, let's move on. If we are designed in His image (not meaning that we look like Him), then we too have something deep within us that spurs us into the same longing. We long to love and be loved in return. Who better can fill that void than your God? He made you specifically for that purpose. Why do we not understand this? Why put that kind of pressure on another human being? It's CRAZY to do so!

Since we are creatures made for relationship, it seems obvious that we'd also want relationships with fellow human beings. We should! We have deep relationships with family, friends, and even (for some) with others in a romantic setting. That is wonderful. I believe God intended it to be that way. Life should be full of deep and meaningful relationships. We are made that way. BUT, why do we put the "be all, end all" relationship pressure on anyone of this earth? No one can possibly fill that role successfully. It is not possible. That relationship can only be successful with God. Don't try to fit a person (a square peg) into God's (round peg) position. You will never be truly fulfilled. The person will fall WAY short. You will be unhappy and so will your partner. No one can survive that kind of pressure or expectation. That's because it is not their role to fill. But, we just keep trying to find that ONE person that fills that void. Until we look to God to fill it, we will continue to feel that emptiness, that longing, and that unending ache.

I have found in my life, that the minute, the instant that I stopped trying to find the right person to make me stop "aching", and I looked to God to fill that role, THAT'S the moment I became content. I am filled. I don't have a "significant other". I don't know if I will ever have someone in this life to fill that role...and for the first time in my life, I am totally OK with that. The reason for my contentment is that I have filled that gap. That role has been filled with GOD. The position is no longer open to applicants. Any relationships that I have in my life outside of that are GREAT, but they can't hold a candle to the one relationship that completely sustains me. How could I have ever thought another person could do that? The saying that "there is a God-shaped hole in all of us" couldn't be more true. We all need to stop trying to force a person into that hole. THEY WILL NOT FIT. It is God-shaped for a reason. He designed the hole. He knows He fits there. BUT--He will not fill it without being invited. God is a gentleman, He waits for the invitation.

Be aware of your longings. Know that the reason you exist is to have a relationship with God. He longs for you. Do not keep trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You'll end up breaking something (if you haven't already) if you keep trying to force things to fit where they do not fit. If you feel empty, lonely, aching for someone, my advice is to fill it with God. Nothing else will fit. You are made in His image. He made you like Him. He desires you, and whether you realize it or not, your desire is for Him. He is the only one who can heal your ache. I know, I speak from experience. I no longer have that chasm in my heart. I have never been happier or more fulfilled. I no longer have that unending ache. Look to Him. You may think the ache is for a physical person, perhaps the enemy has warped your perception. I too thought the same thing. I ached to be held, touched, kissed, etc...all of those things. (I won't go too far with that, but I DO UNDERSTAND). Today I am fulfilled. I don't ache anymore. I don't want you to ache anymore either. Please (listen closely) know that God desires you as much as you are desiring someone else. Go for it. Let Him be your soul mate. It makes perfect sense. No one else can possibly fit your God-shaped hole. It is God-shaped for a reason. Seek Him out. Draw Him into your heart. You will find what you've been searching and longing for all this time. I PROMISE! It is HIS design.

Can You Cut It?

Forgiveness. Interesting concept. It's healing. Both for those giving it and those receiving it.

I don't know how many times or how many people I have talked with about this topic. I always encourage people to give up the anger, the hurt, to release it to God and start healing themselves through the blessing of forgiveness. Most people can mentally work through the need to forgive others both for biblical reasons and to start the healing for both themselves and the offender. Some people are able to work through all of that and enjoy the blessing of forgiveness--many cannot. Not surprising.

What is surprising, however, is that while those of us who have worked through such concepts and actions we still are unable to do something else just as crucial. Many of us cannot release ourselves of wrongdoing. We ask for forgiveness from those we've hurt. We ask God for forgiveness. However, we decide to carry our offenses around with us. Dragging them around with us like ropes around our necks with boulders attached to them. What in the world?!?!? We may not speak of them publicly. We may only visit them in the comfort (or discomfort) of our own minds. But we do it. We remind ourselves of just how miserably we have failed or how deeply we've hurt another. We remind ourselves often. We probably do so even more than we consciously realize. We've all failed. We've all fallen short. Some of us have done things so horrible we can't hardly bear to recall the details in our mind, but yet we refuse to remove the rope from around our necks. Why? Why would we do this if we have God's forgiveness? Why do we not release ourselves as easily as God does? I am also speaking to myself when I say this. I am one of the world's worst when it comes to these things. How arrogant do we have to be to basically say "Hey, I just cannot forgive myself for what I've done. It's too hard. What I did was too hurtful, caused too much pain and harm. I simply don't deserve to be forgiven,"? Why do we think our standard of forgiveness is higher than that of God's? Shouldn't be. In fact, that sounds a little insulting to God if you ask me.

I hold myself up to impossible standards sometimes. I cannot possibly live up to such lofty expectations. So when I fail, when I fall short, it is devastating. I am a self-punisher. I beat myself up better than any punishment and better than any possible consequence ever could. Why? If God is able to see my soulful sorrow and forgive me, why can't I? Christ's blood really WAS sufficient. Who am I to hold myself down? This isn't wise. This isn't healthy. This isn't what God wants for our lives. We do ourselves significant damage when we hold ourselves down and refuse to soar as God so deeply wants us to.

I am suggesting that we allow ourselves the opportunity to mourn and grieve when we fail and fall short. Some of us have things that in our pasts that we have a difficult time trying to move forward from. I do. But those things only keep us from our full potential as followers of Christ. How can I live my best life, be the best example, and bless others to the extent to which God designed if I am dragging my past behind me. I cannot. We cannot soar with our past tied to our necks. They are too heavy. Jesus' blood washed me cleaned and God expects me to soar! I would be wrong to deny both of those things by clinging to a past that I feel too guilty to let go of. I should feel guilty for NOT letting it go, right?

I feel certain there are things that each of us have done at some point in our lives, earlier today or years ago, that we haven't moved on from. Give God the respect of moving forward and soaring above your sin and shame. Learn from your past, learn from every mistake you make, then cut the ropes and soar. You can soar higher and higher as each rope is cut. You can help and bless others from your knowledge and lessons learned. Use forgiveness and your past experiences to help others, THAT'S how your old demons can be put to work in your Christian walk. Dragging your sins behind you does NOTHING but keep you down and hold your potential hostage. Cut the ropes! Soar!!!

Spiritual Tape-Measure

Value. We place value on everything. We don't always do so consciously. It is second-nature. We even place value on people, both on others and on ourselves. How do we measure the value of a person? What does your tape-measure look like?

Some people give more value to a person who grew up in the nicest area of town and assign much less value to someone who came from the less desirable part of town. Some put greater value on those who have prestigious careers and big bank accounts and very little value on someone who has a meager job and lives paycheck to paycheck. Yet, others put more value on the family background that some come from, whether it be from parents that were a doctor and a lawyer as opposed to someone who came from the grocery-store cashier and the construction worker... Also, some give more value to those who are highly educated as opposed to those who never finished high school. Maybe it is based on the way someone dresses or what they look like. It is amazing how many people only look to such measures to assign a human life's value. People who choose to use these kinds of things as the measuring device for human-value also tend to hold themselves to those same standards. It can be nearly impossible for people they encounter to "measure up" and it can also be quite difficult to "measure up" themselves.

When we hold other people and even ourselves to such standards, we are missing the true measure of value. If we use those things as our method of measure then we completely discount what God used to assign value to human-kind--the cross! Why bind ourselves so tightly to things of this earth? We are only here for such a short time. Why choose to live by this earth's standards? Our time here is SO brief! The pastor at my church said it so well recently; "We spend FAR MORE time on the other side of the grave, than this side!" Why do we not live with that in mind? Why do we choose to get so caught up in the measures of this world and risk our souls doing so? We are here for a mere instant. If you really stop and think about eternity, the time we spend on this earth is just a molecule of water within an ocean bigger than the whole universe. It is an instant. But so many of us are living, thinking, and measuring ourselves and everyone else based on the trappings of this earth. WHY?! God placed ETERNAL value on us when He sent Jesus to the cross. Why bind ourselves and others to such silly, shallow, and depth-less measures? Why be so empty and worldly?

How would you like to realize that you finally lived up to the greatest measures of this earth and yet missed real value? What if you didn't really live with spiritual values in mind? What if you worried yourself sick trying to have the best job, home, clothes, body, or personality? What if growing closer to God, drawing others to Christ, and being a servant to souls-in-need rarely crossed your mind? What if that were the case? What if you died and were shown the true time-line of your existence? What if it showed that your life on earth was a millimeter tick-mark on a tape measure 100 billion miles long! How would you feel? How would you feel if all of the rest of your time on the tape measure would be spent based on where your values were when you were alive on the Earth? Whoa! That should be a frightening thought for many of us! The reality is, our lives here are just a millimeter tick-mark on a measuring tape that never ever ends!!! Why put so much value on the "stuff" of that tiny tick-mark when eternity's values are SO different?!?! You could be sacrificing your eternity with God for our tiny moment of life on this earth. That sounds insane to me!

My point here is to keep your heart, soul, and mind on the things of God. Don't let the world and Satan draw you in. You can be IN the world but not OF the world. Don't waste your life trying to measure up to anyone else's standards---ONLY God's. Don't get lost in what anyone else thinks or says about you. Your value shot through the cosmic-roof when God valued you enough to send His Son to die for YOU. Your value lies in the cross, not in anything to be attained or achieved on this earth. We should be about our Father's business and not distracted by the details of worldly "things". We are here to draw closer to our Maker and bring others to Christ. We are here to have a relationship with the God of the Universe and to bring others into that relationship too, through Jesus Christ. Yes, we need shelter, clothing, and to have some FUN! I am not saying not to enjoy your life here or that worldly "things" are inherently wrong. Not at all! Have fun and enjoy life! But our treasure and our value must lie in things "eternal". See yourself and others through the eyes of your God--the earthly details will shatter on the ground in insignificance!

Think about it. We need to adjust our value-meter AND our understanding of how VERY brief our time here is in comparison to an eternity elsewhere! Our actions and values should shift immensely with true understanding of value and time.

Your Gift: I Wonder What's Inside?

Gifts. God gave them to you. Do you know that? Do you believe that? Are you using them? Do you know what He has gifted you with? Are you living a life worthy of your calling? You have been called by God. That's serious business. The God of the universe has bestowed a gift upon you (at least one--it's biblical--Ephesians 4:7). He has called you. Inspect your life for a moment. Take some quiet time and reflect. Be open. Be honest with yourself and with Him. All of us have God-given gifts, talents, and/or abilities. In our minds they may seem small, but in His mind they are HUGE! He gave them to you to USE in His service.

Many of us think that if we only KNEW what the gift was then we'd certainly be using it. That's very common. Not knowing for sure what your gift is can hold you back if you allow it to do so. Beware: the voice you hear is the enemy's. He wants you to keep spinning around, questioning, and wondering what your gift is. If you're always spinning about, uncertain, then you'll never USE your gift. That's what Satan wants! But how do you know what your gift is? GREAT question. Be careful. Be prayerful. Knowing what your gift is comes with great responsibility--a duty. That can be why some choose to remain in "spinning" mode. If you discover your gift you will no longer have an excuse for not using it right? That can be scary! I understand.

Let's assume you've taken this all very seriously. Let's go further and assume that you've decided you truly want to discover your gift, knowing that you will be called to USE it. How do you figure out what your gift is? That is not always easy. For some it is OBVIOUS! For others it can be quite elusive. My suggestions are as follows:

1. Be diligently prayerful. Talk with God about your desire to know AND use your gift. Ask Him to cause the Holy Spirit to reveal His will for you. Ask for insight and wisdom.

2. Shut up and listen. It will not whack you over the head. God will not walk into your room and give you a scroll with your gift written upon it.

3. Stop listening to the enemy--this one is HUGE. He is the one whispering the fear and self-doubt into your ear. He will use all that is in his power to blind you to your gift.

4. Get involved. Try different things. Broaden your scope of experience. Examine your interests and passions. Don't limit yourself. Are you particularly good at something? Delve into that. Try new things both in your "church" setting and outside in the "real world" as well.

5. Ask around. Ask your friends and family what they see in you. Ask what they view your strengths/gifts to be. They may have insight and see things that you may not be aware of at all. ASK, you may be surprised to hear what they see in you that you are unable to recognize.

6. Look for it. Watch for it. Listen for it. Assume nothing. Realize that your gift may not be as public as the next person's. Not all gifts are in public ministry. Many people make those kinds of assumptions. But ALL gifts, public or very behind-the-scene, are crucial to serving our God. Don't minimize or internally discount YOUR gift.

I had a friend who worked in IT at a company where I used to work. He and I had a discussion about this very topic. He didn't know what his gift was. He questioned if it was God who called him into the IT career path. I think we limit ourselves and our gifts by thinking that what we do is insignificant in the goal of serving God. This friend of mine did. However, I know better. I know that because of this friend of mine, I found a wonderful church, a great church family, hope, and encouragement. I would NOT be where I am today if it weren't for this wonderful friend. He used his daily interactions with people to serve God and His calling. If he weren't working in that job, sharing his faith along the way, and gently giving hope to others I would not be the person I am today.

We all need to realize that just because our profession may not be "ministry- related" that doesn't mean that we aren't doing what God has called us to do and using our gift(s). We also cannot assume that our career has to be where our gift is best used. You may be the one who gives hope to lost friends and coworkers--like my friend did. Maybe you are the guy that is always called upon to help out when someone needs a hand. Don't limit your gift. It may seem small in your eyes, but it is HUGE in God's eyes. That is why He gifted YOU with that particular gift. He knew YOU were the right one for the job. He made that gift to fit perfectly to YOU. It may be your ability to sing. It may be writing. It may be public-speaking. It may be serving the less-fortunate in your community. I know of someone who took his love of the outdoors, his passion for fishing, hiking, etc...to create a spiritual experience in those settings for both the young and old alike. It is a successful business that I pray blesses those who experience God through the outdoors. Again, don't limit your scope. God put your interests and passions inside of you for a reason. Whatever your career and interests may be, look for your gift(s) within them. USE them. Live your life and use your gift. Make this a priority. Don't listen to Satan. Use the gift that the God of the Universe gave to you. It wasn't by accident. It was a gift meant to be USED. Don't give up. Don't continue spinning. Don't let Satan distort your thinking. Be diligent. Seek it. Find it. LIVE YOUR CALLING.

What I got for Christmas...

It always sneaks up on me and then disappears as quickly as it came. Christmas. What an interesting time of year. People bustling about, going here and there, in search of the perfect gifts for their loved ones. The money that is spent this time of year must be astronomical! The meals that are consumed-so decadent! The presents, the decorations, the carols, the food, family and friends can all be beautifully overwhelming. It truly is a one-of-a-kind time of year.

This particular year, Christmas has been quite unique for me. I enjoyed a blessing this year that made my perspective extremely different than in past years. I've had the blessing of being so broke that I viewed the Christmas season this year from a very different perspective. Now, don't misunderstand me, I have always known, understood, and reflected on the birth of our Savior this time of year. That will never change. I've watched others flood their children with every high-tech gift out there. That is a great blessing if you are able to do so. I do not look down on parents that do such things just because they've been blessed in ways that others haven't. It's easy for those with less to look down on those who go overboard with their spending. It's an easy way to "deal" with the frustration of having less. I've also watched families with next to nothing draw ever closer to one another and have an appreciation for the few little things they were able to give and receive that those with a lot cannot possibly appreciate. It's a delicate balance between the "haves" and "have-nots". I am fairly new to the "have-not" perspective, but I have a great appreciation for it. It has been an incredible blessing to me this year.

I've gained a much deeper appreciation for the tiniest blessings in my life. The friends and families that gave so generously to me and my daughter in an effort to brighten our Christmas season were nothing short of amazing. I've been in touch with a lot of friends and family members that I had lost touch with over the past few years. What a blessing! My daughter still doesn't quite grasp the concept of presents and such, but she enjoyed all the fun and family time together very much. It showed in her wide eyes and smiles as big as her whole face!

My biggest blessing this year came to me internally. It was a spiritual thing. It stemmed from something I read. Reflecting on Christ's birth it took an interesting spin on the "reason for the season". While we give thanks for the beautiful and miraculous virgin birth of our Savior, it took things a step further. It focused on why He was born. It reminded readers that He came with a purpose. Not to just be the Baby Jesus, meek and mild, but that He had a much loftier purpose. Jesus was born to die on a cross for each one of us. Jesus was born to die. Not a perspective most reflect on during Christmas time. This year, I internally took on this mindset. It completely changed things for me. It was a deeper, more meaningful Christmas than I have ever experienced. It took me away from the parties, the feasts, the flood of toys, gift cards, and such. It took me from a miracle birth to a cross and nails, from a swaddling clothes to a crown of thorns. It reminded me what the whole point of the Christmas story really is: God's love. His passion for me. His determination to buy me back. My mind went from wise-men bearing gifts to Roman guards bearing whips, from a star bright and high in the sky to the sky being completely darkened in God's sadness. It went from gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh to gifts of forgiveness, salvation, and eternal life. This year I went beyond Bethlehem all the way to Golgotha. My gift this year was reflections of my God's love for me. He started in a manger, it is true, but it doesn't end there. He died on a cruel cross. He denied death its finality and rose up in order to bring ME home. I will never again see the nativity and be able to stop there. I must go from the manger to the cross. It was the Baby's destiny. It was His goal. I was His goal. No greater gift could have ever been given to me this year or any other. In the middle of iPods, laptops, gift cards, x-box's, clothes, and all the gifts going around, I got the best gift I ever have. I received the blessing of not being pulled too deeply into the "stuff" of the season, instead I was pointed to the real meaning of Christ and His purpose in being born. Born to die. He was born as a tiny baby to bring me back home with Him. He was born to endure the nails-- the spikes of death in order to wash me clean and live with me forever and ever.

What a beautiful Christmas season. What a gift I received. Thank you God, for the new perspective. Thank you for the gift of being so broke that I could see the things that are normally unseen. Christmas time on this earth is a great time. It is a time of food, family, friends, toys (for both young and old) and frivolity. Spiritually, it is a completely different thing. A time of reflection not on things, not on malls, not on the latest high-tech gadget for us or for our children. It is about something much more significant and spiritual--something deep and profound--something ETERNAL. Thank you God for the gift of the nails. Who would have thought that big, rusty, piercing spikes would be the most beautiful gift I received this year (or ever)? Thank you my God, my Savior!

Perfectionism--Tool of the Enemy

Perfectionism. It can be a plague. It can completely take over rational people. It can transform a speed-bump into a full blown mountain peak. There are many segments of my life where I fight perfectionism. I fight against it because it is not healthy. In the past it has turned me into an extreme "over-analyzer". I try very hard to not be that way anymore. I allow myself to be "real" instead of perfect. Oh, and by the way, perfect does not exist on this earth. Those of us who bang our heads against that rock, in various areas of our lives, are doing so foolishly and needlessly.

I won't drag you through all the pieces of my life that have been infiltrated with perfectionism in the past or even currently. There is just not that much time. I do want you to understand that in most cases I have defeated it. In some cases, I have not. I do work on it daily which helps to keep me peaceful.

Perfection cannot be achieved by anyone in anything we do. It simply cannot be attained. Ones who think that it can be are merely fooling themselves. I think that striving to be perfect is an incredibly effective tool of the enemy. He puts that notion within us. We convince ourselves it is a noble goal. I can tell you that it is NOT. Excellence is a noble and worthwhile goal. Perfection is only of God. We cannot achieve it. We only torture ourselves and those around us when we succumb to its lure.

There are many things I do well. There are just as many things that I do not do well. I tend to have animosity for the second group. Why? I am only human. I have my share of gifts and talents just like all of God's children. I shy away from the things in which I show no natural talent and I anguish over perfecting the things in which I do show talent. On the surface that doesn't seem so bad. However, both can be limiting my growth and my spectrum of life-enjoyment.

I have scoured over my writing in the past like a mad-woman. I would continuously change this and that--adding a little something here and removing a little something there. I have endlessly fussed over avoiding cliche phrases and dangling participles. In fact, in my high school and college writings, I did this to the detriment of the content of my writing. I was never happy with it. It would end up butchered and void of it's initial impact and power. I would write paper after paper. I would change them and modify them. I would throw them away and start all over-endlessly. It was torturous. I did this in search of perfection. How silly. I do not do this anymore. I leave the content ALONE. I leave the key ideas and points of impact as they initially came to me. Back then, I was so adamant about leaving things alone that I became somewhat sloppy with the details, which are still crucial to good and effective writing. The things like proper punctuation, grammar, sentence structure and such, became tedious and bothersome minutia not to be addressed because I didn't want to restart the scouring tendency I once had. It was a fear of dragging that perfectionistic mentality back into my writing. Alas, that was a silly notion as well.

If I am going to be a well-rounded and successful writer I need to learn the art of leaving the content and the powerful message alone while still being able to polish the minor details. I am working on this skill. I know the rules of the English language well. I excelled in them while in school. Unfortunately, I have ignored them for many years and it is taking discipline in order to restore them to my repertoire. I now aim for excellence, not perfection.

In contrast to the things I have been given talent in, there are many things which I do not display talent. I instinctively back away from such things as quickly as I can. This is yet another silly weakness. Why do we limit ourselves so? Why not simply admit to ourselves that we are not great at this or that, but will enjoy it despite not being great at it? For example, I am not at all talented vocally. Singing is something I love. My ears however do not hold the same love for my singing as my heart does. So I shy away from it. I don't want to be ridiculed. I don't want people to hear me and have their ears begin to bleed. OK, it's not that bad, but it is something in which I just don't have much talent. Around others, I used to sing incredibly quietly, if at all. (I have always sang at the top of my lungs in the car. Now, I have a regular passenger but the she doesn't know how off-key I am. She loves it all the same.) My voice may not sound like the angels' to me, but I know that to my God--it does. I should never quiet my voice when it comes to singing His praises. In the past I have. I have sung quietly in church when my heart wanted to sing out loud. What a shame. Perfectionism again, at its worst. Why should I care if anyone sitting next to me doesn't think it's beautiful? It's not for them anyway, it is for MY GOD. I don't do this anymore. I sing out. I give Him my all.

We all need to let go of our insecurities and excel at the things we are talented with and yet not over analyze them and brutalize ourselves trying to perfect them. We should also enjoy the many things in which we show little or no talent; and we should do so for the sake of enjoying life and praising our God. Life is entirely too short to limit ourselves or exhaust ourselves dealing with perfectionism. It is the tool of the enemy. It is born out of insecurity. Don't let it bind you. Rip it from your soul and cast it into the fire from which it came from. Unleash yourself. Be bold enough to be imperfect. Sing out loud. Sing to the heavens, out-of-tune or not! Write from your heart, polish it up, and bless the world with your words. Don't kill it with perfectionism.

Take these words and apply them to your life. Blend them in with your talents and insecurities. Free your soul to soar!

Only God is perfect. Be you. Be real. Bless the world with the gift of YOU.

The Painful Truth--A Blessing in Disguise.

I need to take a moment to thank a friend. I have a friend who is bold, but may not realize it. This friend cared enough to speak the truth. They risked hurting my feelings in an effort to truly help me. I think that is usually when the truth needs to be revealed the most. That is also when it is the hardest for most to say and the hardest for most to hear. The old saying "the truth hurts" can be so very true. I think most people would agree. Sometimes the truth, as painful as it might be, is just what the doctor ordered. My friend, you know who you are, I sincerely thank you. First-for your continued encouragement, second-for your honesty, and third-for the risk you took.

It really can be risky for a friend to tell the whole truth. It can be difficult to determine how receptive the other person can or will be to what they hear. Sometimes in unfortunate cases, the truth can hurt so deeply that the receiver cannot deal with the sting. It can damage some friendships. I believe this is usually because of pride. We all know what the Bible says about pride--it precludes destruction. True friends can speak the truth knowing it may sting. The great thing is that with good friendships the sting will fade in the knowledge that it came from love.

I took to heart the truth my friend spoke to me. I analyzed it. I broke it down. I came to the realization that they were correct in what they observed. It opened my eyes to things I hadn't taken the time or effort to fully consider. I think that I will be quite pleased with the changes I make in response to what my friend said to me. I will be honest with you, it was hard for me to hear. It was very difficult to put down my reasons, my excuses, my defenses and be open to a different viewpoint. It is often very hard to make ourselves vulnerable to critique. I think that is completely normal but is not usually very productive. One thing I learned from this little experience is that hearing someone else's concern, knowing it comes from love, can change things--big things. I believe that since I was able to set aside my pride and my viewpoint, that something very important to me will become better and much improved. What a beautiful thing!

I want to thank you, my friend, for reaching out and taking a risk in order to truly help another person. Boldness is a rare find these days. My hat is off to you. I hope you see improvement and change in what you brought to my attention. I can't thank you enough for speaking the truth in love. Sounds awfully biblical! I love it. Thank you again.

Dare to Share His love....

I've been a little quiet lately. I know that the Holy Spirit who resides within me is always poking, prodding, and urging me. It inspires me to say what needs to be said and what needs to be heard. I have allowed many people to poke holes in my resolve . However, I believe that what I write is not of me but is inspired by the love of God, His Word, and His way.

Therefore, I want to proclaim my love for God. He loved me so much that He sent His Son Jesus Christ to die for all of the horrible things I have done in my life. He also did the same for each and every one of you. He sent Him so that sin would no longer separate us from Him. He couldn't bear to be separated from me...or from you. Who among us could be so bold to say we'd do the same for anyone else? I wouldn't sacrifice my precious child for anyone. I certainly wouldn't do it for people who scoff at me, deny me, betray me, continuously hurt me. I know I could never do that. I couldn't even give her for someone who loved me and treated me well. God did. He did it for you. He did it for me. He did it for the killer sitting on death row. He did it for all of us, no exceptions.

When His Word, His Love, His Precepts inspire me to write something, I will write it. I will no longer question how it will be perceived, who will take offense, who will love it, and who will hate it. He deserves my all. He deserves nothing less than for me to be His faithful servant using the talents and gifts He's given to me. I must continue to utilize the gift of the Holy Spirit who daily inspires me to write. I will use those talents and gifts to the very best of my ability. I will speak to all who will hear. I will shout from the mountain tops. No one will dampen my fire.

God deserves my best. He deserves yours as well. Anything less than our very best is an excuse. He sacrificed His all for me. He did the same for all of you. I will speak of Him, His love, and His truth ALWAYS. He is my reason for life, love, hope, and salvation. I will not allow anyone to knowingly or unknowingly slow me down in sharing His love, His forgiveness, His Glory, and His eternity. His message is what I am called to share.

I thank all of you who encourage me to write, to speak up, and to share. I pray that something--anything I write or say inspired by the Holy Spirit touches one life, one soul, one searching or hurting or seeking person. That is my calling. I will not give up. I will not fade. I will not falter. He deserves my all. He gave His all for me. I can give nothing less in return!

What's your "Gracyn"?

I ran across a box of old photos today. This particular one made me laugh out loud. Are we slaves to eras or what? The shades, the shoulder pads, the branded jeans, the bangs, etc...nothing less than typical for that time frame. Makes me laugh, makes me want that figure back! Makes me want those bangs to stay dead and buried in old boxes of photos, never to resurface!

It's a pretty cool thing to look back in time. To reflect on where you once were, where you've been since that time, and where you are now. WOW, how much road I've traveled since that picture!

In that picture, I was leaving the house of my best friend at that time. Years later, I married him. We divorced 8 years later. I met someone else after that and lived through a tough life for another few years. That relationship imploded and I left it a mom-to-be. Then I moved on made new friends, rekindled strong relationships with my family, and most importantly came back to my God. Whew! What a whirlwind of events since that picture was taken. You could have NEVER convinced that girl in the picture that ANY of that stuff would've happened that way. NEVER!!!! She would've thought you were completely insane. But one wrong step, one wrong decision can take you places you never imagined you'd go and never wanted to go or planned to go.

The cool thing is...deep down that sweet, innocent, hopeful young woman is still alive and well inside of me. We can recover from our pasts. We can come running back home to God. No matter how big your mistakes are, they are never too big for God. The little things you struggle with or can't seem to manage by yourself consistently; they are never too small for God either.

God blessed me in countless ways and even used some of the nightmare to pull me back out of the cesspool my life had become. Nothing is too big or too small for Him. His grace is sufficient. His grace can flood your life. It began as a little peanut in my belly, later appropriately named Gracyn. Look for him in your BIG monster struggles as well as in your little itty bitty struggles, frustrations, and distractions. He will provide help, a way out, whatever you need, HE WILL throw you a life-line. You have to be looking for it. Mine was Gracyn. What's yours? What will yours be? He will throw them out to you throughout your whole life in your various stages, mistakes, and struggles. Look for them. Watch for your next "Gracyn". I am always looking for mine in my current challenges. They are there, but we have to be seeking them and always watching for Him. Trust Him and you'll be amazed at what He will do in your life, I am still amazed each and every day.

Crazy Nuts--All of YOU!

Brrrr! It's cold out! I don't get to say that too often living in here in the south. I am sure that to some people...this "ain't cold"! However, to me it is. I've realized over the years that I am not too terribly fond of cold weather. I am not saying I like HOT weather, because I don't just purr in the heat of a southern summer either. But there's just something about cold that BITES. I don't mean that in the slang sense "Oh man, that BITES...", but in the sense that there is a sting or bite, if you will, to cold weather for me. Cold is painful to me. Makes my hands hurts, makes me shiver, makes my nose red and runny, stings my lungs, the list of things goes on and on. I am really not a fan of any of those things to be honest. When it's hot, yeah it's uncomfortable, as is cold, but it doesn't make me hurt, or sniffly or stiff, or sick.... The thing of it is--I love this time of year...not speaking of the weather, but the holidays, family, friends, food, etc... If it could only dip down to 50 degrees and that be it...I'd be thrilled. I do like to watch the occasional snow fall, but I have no desire to be out there "in it". Watching from a warm and snugly blanket at the window sipping hot chocolate, is the way I enjoy a good snowfall. One of the reasons I've not gone on the many ski trips to which I have been invited--the cold and wet and snow...I just can't stand it. In fact, I think that I would enjoy skiing, as I enjoy almost every outdoor activity I've ever tried. But alas, I despise cold. Maybe it is because I've grown up here in the land of heat. Maybe that has nothing to do with it. Perhaps my displeasure with cold is just part of who I am.

That's the great thing about people; we are all so different! My dear friend Amy wrote a blog about missing the winters up north where she grew up. As she described it in such colorful detail, I was sad for her because she missed it so. However, it sounded just horrible and miserable to me. Funny, isn't it? Something she so dearly misses, sounded completely miserable from my perspective. I think that's great. How boring would it be if we were all the same?!

Seasonal preferences etc...are just the tip of a monstrously HUGE iceberg. Our lives are so much more interesting and colorful because of the little things that makes us all so different, unique, and interesting. Give thanks for the colors in your life--the things that make you YOU and make your friends and family the crazy nuts that they all are! God designed each and every one of us special and completely different than anyone else on the planet! I am so glad he did! The multitude of little intricacies in each of us are the things that make me appreciate my family and friends so very very much, each and every one of them, each in their own unique way!

My daughter changed everything...especially God.

What's God like? In your mind, what's He like? His love for me had been hard for me to understand over the years...until I had my daughter. Many times I look at her and wonder is there any greater love in existence than I have for this little girl? How could anyone love anyone more than I love her? THERE'S JUST NO WAY! But that's not true, God does. God loves me more than I love her. It amazes me that is even possible. If I look at God through the eyes of a parent, it all seems SO clear. I want what's best for her...even if she doesn't understand it or even like it. God feels the same about me. When she wants to climb up on something too tall and totally unstable I won't let her. The displeasure she feels from that can be heard several streets over. As a child of God, I've felt that way too; not getting my way, not being "allowed" to do things that I want to do is downright frustrating. It's so hard to understand sometimes. Why won't He just give me that one thing I "think" I want so much? Why doesn't He do what I ask Him to do? Why can't I do this or that...doesn't He know how happy it would make me? Ha ha ha!! That sounds so much like a child who doesn't have the understanding that a parent does. How did we as adults get so arrogant that we think we know it all? Why do we think we know what is best for us all the time? How is that any different then how our little children must feel? I know my daughter doesn't understand why I take things away from her that I know are dangerous or not good for her to have. I don't give her what she wants when it isn't right, just so she won't throw a fit. She will throw a fit, especially at this age, but she will be safe and better off when I stand my ground. We throw our own little fits too. Sometimes we are downright defiant too. Sometimes trying to fool ourselves that we know best. But we don't. God knows best. His rules, His time, His gifts, His saying "NO", is in our best interest...PERIOD. Just like the way a good parent parents. It is simple. Children do not always understand why we do what we do, most times they don't. Why do we think we are any different as His children (grown up or not)? He knows things we don't. He understands things we don't. He can foresee things we can't. He wants the best for us pure and simple. Nothing at all different than we do as parents to our children. It is a perfect parallel! I have learned so much about the heart of God from having my daughter in my life. I can't always let her have her way because I know her way can sometimes be dangerous, harmful, etc... He's the exact same way! I know things she simply does not. I understand things that she simply cannot. He's the exact same way!

So rest assured that you are in God's hands. If you follow His guidelines and live your life in a way that does not go against what He has set out for us in His Word, then you can know without a doubt you are doing what it is your very best interest...even if you don't understand it, agree with it, or sometimes even like it. But in my experience, the more you live this way, the more you appreciate what you are protected from and the happier your life will become. It works. It is simple. It is the same that happens in our children's lives when we hold them to the things that are in their best interest.

Allow God to be the parent you need (even though you are a grown up now). Use that mindset to live in a place that you are safest and happiest. (Wouldn't it be great if we could help OUR children to "get" that???)---God probably thinks the same thing! LOL.

Me...harsh?

Sometimes I wonder if my writing is perceived as...how shall I put it...harsh. Yeah, I'll go with "harsh" for lack of a better word. I have my reasons for wondering this which I'll keep to myself, but it's mostly a hunch. Don't get me wrong--I personally don't think they are too harsh. I have tried my best to be honest, to be blunt when I deem it is necessary, and to be biblically-based. However what I don't worry too much about it stepping on toes. Sound mean? It shouldn't. Jesus stepped on toes all the time. He did. Get out the Book. Check it out.

What I've learned in my life, (which is generally what I go by...) is that when my toes get stepped on...I needed it. Of course it's never easy to admit that at the time our toes are stepped on. It's not for me and I doubt it is for you either. However, I internally grow the most when I am questioned, challenged, have my toes stepped on, etc... Let me get one thing straight though--I do not spend much time contemplating, reviewing, or even entertaining thoughts of reflection if someone "tried" to step on my toes IF the stepper wasn't trying to help me, or was not doing so in the spirit of love, or with Biblical backup. BUT...if they are armed with any or all of those things, then that's a different story. If those things are there, then I do my very best to listen up, take note, and make adjustments. I hope that anyone reading a "hard-hitting" blog of mine does the same and hopefully knows I only speak out of love, concern, and do my very best to be love-motivated and biblically-based...even if it hits right between the eyes. (That's just a bonus...and we all need it sometimes!)

Thank you, drive-thru!

God-Vision Goggles

The series that has been going on at my church over the past few weeks has been phenomenal! As most people who truly know me well know that I don't feel that there is enough evangelism being taught, encouraged, and focused on in churches today. I feel sure I got that notion from my dad. Those of you who know him will probably wholeheartedly agree with that statement. However, the series Ed Young is currently doing at Fellowship church has hit the bulls eye in my opinion. He said something that really said it all--"Whose FOREVER are you changing?" It is so easy to just float along in life working, raising children, maintaining relationships, dealing with families and friends, attending children's events and practices, etc..that our REAL purpose in this life gets pushed aside far too often. If our hope and salvation means as much to us as it should, it should radiate from us. It should, as Ed said, spill out all over everywhere. We shouldn't be able to contain it. That doesn't mean we are to be in people's faces with it. Doesn't mean we should be Bible thumpers. It means that when others look at us they should see LIGHT. They should see it in our lives, in all that we do. There should be something so obviously different that it sticks out. It stands out. It should never go unnoticed. Whether it is the exceptional kindness we show to the not-so-great waiter/waitress at Chili's or the new neighbor that we make an effort to warmly meet and greet. The big things in life and the small things should radiate our happiness and hope in Christ and our enthusiasm to share that with EVERYONE. Who should be excluded from our outreach? Hmmm? Should we snub the rude woman who clearly stepped in front of us in the Starbucks line? Or should it be the girl your friend knows whose sexuality is NOT in-line with God stated it should be? Ooooh, how about the person who damaged your life in such a way that you never thought you'd heal? (Like the spouse who committed adultery and left you?) Each and every person walking around coming in and out of our lives or just the guy begging for money at intersection traffic light, are all souls. They are ALL souls that God dearly loves and Jesus died to save. Not one of us has been put in a position to decide who deserves our kindness and our outreach and who doesn't. God can change the heart of a murderer. God can change the heart of the women who turned to homosexuality after being deeply wounded by her philandering husband. God can change the unforgiving daughter of a incestuous father AND change the father as well. Things that no one thinks can ever be forgiven or healed--God can change. I've seen it. I've read about it. I've watched it. I have LIVED it. So we are to reach out and touch everyone, no matter what their place in life. We are not to decide who and what situations are worthy of sharing the Good News! We are to live it and share it with everyone! No picking and choosing. No deciding this situation is more "comfortable" than that one. Every human being on this planet is a soul that God loves. We should see people through God's eyes...NOT OURS! Ours are jaded, judgemental, prejudiced, and close-minded. Let's put on our "God-Vision Goggles" and just see all others as precious souls. Struggling, lost, souls! Wherever they are in life, whatever their sin..share with them the hope and salvation YOU have. Don't hide it. Don't decide they aren't worthy of it. God thinks they are. See each and every human being as a soul God loves. It will change everything you do. It will change how you live, how you interact, how you behave, and how you share Christ in our lost lost world. Soften your heart. Recognize your internal prejudices. They are there for all of us...Get rid of them and touch a soul. Share Christ with everyone through the Light that shines and radiates from within you. Christ lives in us and we should let Him spill out all over everywhere all over everyone. Change someone's forever! Start today. Whose forever are YOU changing? Stop looking through YOUR eyes, and look through God's. Put on your "God-Vision Goggles" and change the world!