What a Rush!

I had a FABULOUS weekend! I have been given responsibility of a monthly event at work that was this past Saturday evening. The average attendance of this event is anywhere from 100 to 260 people. It is an event that has a good three week prep-time. No one who has been responsible for it before has really ever enjoyed putting this event together because it is very labor and detail intensive. And I have to be honest, I was a bit freaked out when they gave it to me. I did it last month, mostly on my own, but with a little "hand-holding" and it went off well. This month, I was totally on my own. And it went off without a hitch! It was awesome. There is a lot of preliminary set up and orchestration. Lots of data and spreadsheets and intricate detail go into an event that go unseen by the attendees. That's pretty much the point though. The attendee should just see it as a smooth flowing enjoyable hour and a half. I was so excited that it went so smoothly. I get a bit of a charge of taking over something that others think is too difficult and too unruly and has history of lots of minor and major hiccups and I conquer it. (Now, I've tried that with men too...ones that are difficult, unruly, and have histories of lots of disasters...not so much conquering there...LOL. I've given that up though...I'll stick with event coordination!)

I have the gift or affliction for attention to detail which allows me to function well in this role. Thankfully. And it works out great because the others that I assist/serve do not have that gift/affliction. We are all a really great team. It's nice to see a department/team function so well together and to have our strengths compliment each others so nicely. It's been a long time since I have worked in such an environment. I am SO blessed!

Just NOT That Into You! (or vice versa)

It seems to be an epidemic. Or maybe I am just now really noticing.

Why do people choose to settle? In relationships? I mean really. If that weren't the case, there wouldn't be such a demand for ridiculous books called "He's Just Not that Into You." Are we that lonely? Are we that unsure that God will provide what we desire? Are we that unhappy with ourselves that we'd rather settle than be with ourselves...alone? Makes me wonder.

I spoke this week with a friend of mine from work. She's in her late 20's and is in a new relationship. New being about six months into the process, and three years of friendship prior to dating. She knows that he is not anchored there with her. She knows he has someone else he's held up as "most ideal" in his heart, that he hasn't let go of. She senses his hesitation. She knows of his " other feelings". But yet, she stays. She hopes. She tries and tries. She waits. She wonders. She cries. I can wonder about all of this out loud (in writing) because I've done it. I am not just calling everyone else but myself out on this. I'VE DONE IT. And in the moment...I couldn't seem to help myself either. But when we waste precious time, precious life on someone who doesn't share the same level of connectedness and passion with us, and it eventually falls apart, it is devastating...WHY? Because we knew better. We knew we were making a fool's gamble. We knew we would lose and yet we played anyway. Is there anyone reading who hasn't done this? Perhaps. BUT I HAVE.

And what about the other side of this? What about the person who knows they "just aren't that into the other person romantically"? What about them? Ever been one of them? I HAVE. It's just as messed up as the other person's role. When that person knows they don't share the feelings, the connectedness, the commitment to the other, it will become a mess. It's wrong to subject that other person to that. Especially if you perpetrate it so well that they truly don't know how you feel (or don't feel, as the case may be). Sigh. I've been there, done that. Devastated people doing it.

So, what's the answer here? Gosh, wouldn't it be great if I knew? Am I just writing this to make observation? Do I usually do that? Nope. I don't. See, I recognize that in the beginning of a new relationship, feelings, and connections don't develop between two people at the exact same rate. In the beginning, those speeds are very rarely the exact same. But if there is a true connection, a true possibility of a future, they usually catch up to one another over time. And by time I don't mean three years, or even one... It's about the 4-8 month marker that both parties may have a good idea that something just isn't "right". And if both parties don't know, ONE does. So why when we get there do we not just bailout? Are we hoping it will just magically change? That we can magically develop what doesn't exist? DON'T!!!!

What concerns me most about this isn't the dating part, it isn't even so much, the anguish, like the girl at work, it is when we stick with it, no matter what erroneous role we play, and God-forbid take it into a marriage covenant. I know about these things!!!!!!! Then what!?!?! Then what?!?!?! Why not buck up and get out before you go there? Why not do the right thing, before you strap yourself in for life before GOD? Are we that afraid to be hurt and start over? Are we that invested by time that we can't bear to end it, knowing those months, sometimes years are all but gone? Are we just that insecure? Just that lonely? Just that selfish?

I don't have the perfect answer. I wish I did. I wish there was an easy fix to this epidemic that I observe. But it sure does help contribute to the explanation of the divorce rate. If it is not right...and you, in your heart of hearts, know it...don't keep on! I know it's difficult. I know it's painful. I know it's "HARD". I know you probably REALLY care for that person. Perhaps even love them. Perhaps are fearful of losing a friendship. Many reasons. Many easy ways to "justify" staying around. But believe me it will be worse if you continue on with the charade. It will be.

The girl at work, admits that she knows I am right. She knows his heart is not truly with her. She knows God wants better for her. And she cries. And she tries harder. But she doesn't walk away. I pray she will. OR I pray he will. She is young, beautiful, and a Godly woman. And yet, she is settling. But here is the REAL DEAL. God wants the BEST for us. Even in our romantic relationships. He wants us to have the best. HIM FIRST always, then HIS choice of mate for us. HIS CHOICE. If he or she is just not that into you...it is NOT God's best. If you are just not that into him or her... it is NOT God's best. Quit perpetrating a lie! Stop before it's too late. Step up. Be strong. Trust HIM.

My Love Story

It seems that when I simply don't think I can get through something, God shows me that I can. And then I think that even if I do get through it, I won't be the same...and I don't mean that in a good way. I think that if I do get through it, I'll get through it, "damaged". Why am I still so short-sighted sometimes?

Nothing I've ever been through, left me worse off than when I started...IF I got through it with God. In fact, quite the opposite. Every trial, every lesson learned, every pain and struggle has brought me further in my journey, has made me stronger, and to my own surprise brings me to a more joyful state of being and place in life than I was in before.

My life doesn't simply follow the old adage about what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. God has caused my life to reflect a step further; my life shows that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and adds a whole new level of joy I never anticipated or dreamed of. God has always been faithful to me in that way.

This year, thus far, has been a tremendous year in my life. Only one major hiccup and the truth is, that hiccup (which any regular reader knows was a heartbreak for me), that hiccup brought me further, caused great growth in me and taught me profound lessons and now, on the other side of that pain, has brought me joy. Great joy. Funny how short-sighted I was in the middle of my pain and struggle. Thinking I would not get through it and even if some miraculous way I did get through it, that I wold be more "damaged" than before. I was so wrong. SO wrong. My God, my Friend, My Counselor, and Shield, always gets me through and teaches me more and more and more. I wind up more joyful as He does damage control, He even corrected some past damage through all of it! SO not only did I get on the other side without new damage, I shed some old damage that I got "out in the world". I am better off at the end of a painful situation than I was before any of that whole situation even existed. AMAZING.

What a great God. What a love story we share. What joy He brings to me, even when I don't see how HE will possibly do it. He does. And then He goes above and beyond for me. What love.

Your Heart is Bad and You Know It!

So long as man remains no real threat to the Enemy, Satan's line to him is, "You're fine." But after a man takes sides, Satan's line becomes, "Your heart is bad, and you know it!"

-Taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge-

Is it any wonder so many men are crippled? Not physically, but emotionally and especially spiritually. Satan is a liar, a deceiver. As long as you're not a threat, he's cool with you. But, the minute you step up...he lies to you. He says all it takes to make you back away..."Your heart is bad, and you know it."

How many times have I seen this? I know people who listen to this line DAILY.

UGH!!!

STOP IT!

What Do You see?

Carlotta does not equal the sum of her physical characteristics.

There is MORE. I am more than my hair color. I am more than blue/green eyes. I am more than petite. I am more than my bra size. I am more than my painted toe nails. I am more than the smell of my perfume. I am more than the clothes I wear. I am more than long hair. I am more than what you see and judge on the outside. I am more than this fleshly wrapper that I wear.
I am the soul that lives within. Carlotta is more than what you can see, hear, smell, or touch. I am SO much more than all of those things.
Yet, most of the world sees only what they SEE. They think I am more than I am because they like what they see. OR...They think I am less than what I am because they don't like what they see. I am not a mud fence, yet I am not a barbie. Hmmmm. But, if I were either...I still would hold no more and no less value and treasure.
I am CARLOTTA. Unique. One of a kind. Not from a cookie cutter. A treasure. I run deep. I won't settle for mediocre. I won't be just another paper doll trapped by my connection to hundreds of others just like me. Nope. I am ME. More than just what you see. SO much more. And if you miss it because you don't look deep enough, if you can't get beyond the surface, if you see people as barbies or mud fences...thank God you missed it. I don't need short-sighted folks darkening my path. I quite enjoy the light of my path...no more "dark" allowed. I'll pray for you to see depth the next time you run across it. It is a far more beautiful world when you stop looking with your eyes and start seeing with your soul.
I see me. Do you?

Captivating

Next book: Captivating (by John and Stasi Eldredge)

Have you ever had God tell you that you need to read a book? I have. Ok, well, He didn't call me on the phone or come to my house to tell me. But in a matter of two days, two different ladies (not particularly close friends of mine either) told me that I really should read this book. The second day, I left the conversation with the second lady, got in my car, turned on the stereo and the people talking on the Christian talk-radio station, that the stereo was tuned to, were discussing that same book. OK, OK, I get it....I need to read this book. So, God didn't necessarily bang me over the head with the book, but He wasn't exactly subtle either...that's ok, I like that about Him.

The End...

I finished the book (Demon: A Memoir), Friday evening. It was one of those things that impacted me deeply, so deeply that I don't want the impact to fade, as most things do, over time. I think that the best thing for me to do is reread it again maybe a few times a year. I know me...I know human nature...I know life and I know if I don't keep those things fresh in my mind and in my heart...they may fade. I don't want that, I want the change to remain. I will let those of you who want to borrow my book to do so...but I do want it back! (And if you can, I would encourage you to buy it yourself. The author is new, this is her first book, support her and her talent by purchasing the book yourself. Just a suggestion, if you are able to do so. But if you cannot, I will certainly let you borrow my copy.)

Thanks for letting me rave about this book. I usually don't do that too often, unless I find the content worthwhile. And this one was amazing!

Are YOU Ready to Take Off the Blinders?

I bought the book that I mentioned in my previous post. WOW. I can hardly put it down. But I warn you, if you choose to read it, understand that you will never again look at the world, life, existence, spirituality, God's love and the ticking of each minute of the rest of your life in the same way ever again. This book completely strips away the spiritual blinders that we have placed on our own eyes. I am close to halfway through the book and cannot believe how differently this one book has made me look at my life, my spirit, my selfishness, my priorities, my God's unfathomable love for me, and the evil forces roaming through this fallen world. I cannot find the words to use to describe how completely and glaringly clear this writer makes our self-absorbed daily lives with the meaningless trappings we hold in such great value come into such clarity and brings our normal earthly priorities to a screeching halt in comparison to the BIG picture. I am completely riveted by this book and the paradigm change it WILL create in anyone who is bold enough to pick it up and read it will be life-changing. I am anxious to get the book finished. Again...WOW.

Demon: A Memoir

Have any of you heard of this book? Have any of you read it? I heard about it just today and did a little looking into it. I am not really into fictional reading, but I am kind of intrigued with how this book might read. I like a book or story that makes you get outside of your normal pattern of thinking. I read the first chapter of this book online and the writer, Tosca Lee, is definitely a talented story teller. Here is the story behind this story:

One day, as I drove the stretch of Nebraska road that leads to my acreage, I found myself wondering what it would be like to be angelic and fallen. Would I go around tempting people to lust, covet, envy... just for kicks? It seemed too shallow a motivation for any complex, spiritual creature. There had to be more to it.
Suddenly, I realized that being angelic and fallen was very similar to being human and fallen—except for one major difference: the provision of a messiah. I immediately wondered what it must feel like to be unquestionably damned—and worse, to watch humans luxuriate in and take for granted the grace made available to them from a doting God. And I thought: why wouldn't an angelic creation resent a human recipient of God’s grace? And why wouldn’t a demon want to prove that creature unworthy again and again as a result? Now I knew what it must feel like to be an angelic outsider looking in with jealous eyes and razored heart.
I re-read the story of God’s love affair with humans through this new lens and Demon: A Memoir was born.
And so walk with me now, and let me ask you: what if you made one mistake? One.
What if one moment you were worshipping the Mighty God and Creator that brought you into existence…
…and the next you were damned for eternity?
You had never seen sin, you had no experience with death, you had never felt separation from your god. But you had turned your worship to the greatest being under God in an impulsive moment that seemed to make sense at the time. You only belatedly realized that something had changed. You just weren’t sure what.
What if you watched as that same god replaced you in his affections with a baser, uglier, mortal breed—a creature made of clay. And what if you watched in horror as he breathed into their mud bodies the essence of his own spirit—a gift you had never received?
And what if they took every God-given thing considered precious by you for granted as they failed again and again… and then turned away from God altogether?
Would you feel some satisfaction when God, unable to allow them to continue, decided to destroy their world and all of the clay people along with it? And would that satisfaction be lost when you learned he couldn’t bear to kill them all, but had decided to spare a family—a seed group of those mud people to repopulate the earth?
What if you watched as God patiently taught them laws so they could stay in relationship with him… and they continued to do the same things that had ruined their relationship with him in the first place—and over and over again?
Remember: you only did one thing.
And what would you think if that same God decided, in a radical move, to become one of them, to take on that mud flesh forever, and to let them kill him, and to die for them, so they could be reconciled with him and with him again… forever?
You were supposed to be with him forever. You only did one thing.
And how would you feel upon knowing that not every mud person jumped at the chance to have that great gift that you feel so much more deserving of—only one thing—that the majority of the mud people decided they didn’t want or need?
Would you be jealous? Would you hate the mud people?
Would you want them to die?
Of course you would.

What do you guys think? Interesting concept for a book. Don't you think?

The Perfect Church!

For those who go around complaining that they cannot find the perfect church. Let me give you something to chew on. If you do find this perfect church, there would be a problem! The minute you go and join that church, it would no longer be perfect. That's a fact. Think about it.

Scripture Insight...What do You Think?

I listened to someone talk about this verse recently and I wanted to get your thoughts on it as well.

A man of great wrath (anger) will suffer punishment; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

What does this verse mean to you?

(I love Proverbs, I know, I know, I've told you guys that a million times, but it is like an instruction manual for life; real, everyday life! I love that.)

Eternal Wonder and Amazement

I cannot believe that my little one is almost two years old. (That pic was taken almost a year ago at her first birthday) That is just crazy! Where does time go? Its almost as though if you blink you miss it. She changes so much week after week. She's developing a really funny little sense of humor. She absolutely cracks me up. (She cracks herself up too, by the way.)

There are so many different things that I love about her. She is funny. She is sweet. She is strong-willed. She is confident. She is so very friendly. She doesn't know that she is not the center of the universe. She goes into a restaraunt a waves and says HI to everyone that passes by, without exception. And she certainly doesn't forget to wave bye bye to them as she is leaving, as if to annouce to everyone, "You can now go back to your boring little lives, the sunshine is now leaving the restaraunt!" She is fearless too. She sees something she wants to do and she goes for it with reckless abandon. She is also incredibly tough. I love that. No whiney babies here! She falls down, runs into something, whatever it is, she just shakes it off and keeps on going. I love it. She's only been noticably fearful of a handful of people in her whole life. But most people, she just loves instantly! She has no concept of cautiousness with her heart. I wish I was still like that. She has no concept of her inability to do something. She fully believes that she can do anything. I wish I was still like that. She is taken by wonder and amazement at the world around her all day, everyday. I wish I was still like that. She is unashamed. She will sing, dance, and groove her little self in the silliest of ways with no thought of "Do I look stupid to anyone?" She couldn't care less what other people think. I wish I was still like that. She trusts those around her. She has no concept of being let down or disappointed. I wish I was still like that.

Oh the wonder and innocence of children. I wish I still had that. It is no wonder that Jesus so loves the little children. They are so new, so fresh, so untainted and unjaded by this world of broken people. If only we could stay that way!

The great thing is...I believe with all of my heart, that is what Heaven will be like. All of the junk and funk that we all drag around with us here will be gone. It won't even be a bad memory. It simply won't exist. We will have no concept of that ever again. All will be renewed, refreshed, clean, pure and innocent. I cannot wait. Sometimes I just get weary from dealing with others junk and funk and dysfunction...as well as my own. It is wonderful to know there is an end to it. There is hope, promise, and renewal. There is heaven, there is an eternity with God himself. I cannot wait. We will all be children, full of wonder, awe, and amazement once again, never to be tainted or jaded. Pure innocence, love, worship, and fellowship with our creator forever and ever. Amazing to ponder, isn't it?

Change

You know, a butterfly must break free of his cocoon on his own. He must do the long hard work and push and pull and fight to get out of his cocoon. It takes quite a while if you've ever watched the process. It looks very painful actually. They struggle. They rest. They struggle some more. They fight and fight and fight their way out of there. It is a grueling process for these beautiful little creatures. If you have ever watched it, you want to help them. But if you do, if you help release them from their cocoon and they do not do the work themselves to get out...they will die. The struggle is what makes them strong enough to survive and then thrive. Not too different from me or you for that matter. Only that the beautiful butterfly only has to do this once. I've had to get out of my cocoon many times in my life. The metamorphosis is a beautiful one...but the struggle is so very hard. But if you see what emerges, it is so worth the struggle, it is exquisite and breathtaking!

In the spirit of, or inspired by, ineed2change.com, there are several things that I am working on changing in my life. I am excited and even a little nervous about some of these changes...but I am committed to a handful of changes that I feel I must make in order for me to be the ME that God is calling me to become. The ME that HE designed, not the me that I designed or the me that I feel/felt anyone else wanted me to be. I want to ask you guys to pray for me to push hard, be bold, have strength, and make these changes happen in my life. I've been at this kind of crossroad in my life before and have been able to fully rely on God to carry me through with the vision He put in my heart. Please pray that I am obedient to that again and that the results bring Him praise and glory again. I momentarily put on blinders, crawled into my cocoon of grief and hurt, and spent several days lamenting where my life is and where I thought it was going in the aftermath of having several beautiful dreams shattered into a million little pieces. Notice though, that I said momentarily. In my decision to not allow circumstances and people to change me, my heart, or my goals, I have come to a place where I have had to stop, think, make some choices, make some changes, and stretch out my wings again. I am just about to take off in flight. And while I know it will be exhilarating, I know it will be a little a little scary too. But sometimes in our lives certain things have to be done. Sometimes you have to be rocked to your very core to get you to the next place, the next step, the next level in your life that God wants to bring you to. I AM THERE. I am preparing to take that first step. I am just about to emerge again, unfold these wings and fly forward. FORWARD. Pray for me. I so want to bring Him glory, honor, and praise. I need to change. I need to change. I need to change. And so it begins... My metamorphosis!

I Found God's Heart...at the Office!

I work with some of the greatest people on the planet. I truly do. It's amazing to be able to go to work and sit down and pray, sing, laugh, cry, and deeply connect with your colleagues. Rare! There are people there that I have truly only known for a few months who have become so dear to me. People who truly care about me and my life. People who allow me into their lives and their hearts as well. They are just amazing.

Just today I had the sweetest person here, pull me aside and hug the stuffing out of me. She sees into my heart and knows that even though I am healing from my heartache, that it is not instantaneous. She isn't even in the same building, but makes an effort to stop by visit, make me laugh, and give me a big bear hug. What a blessing!

On Tuesday, I sat with another wonderful person while he prayed over my sister's surgery and the questions I am struggling with in my personal life. He gave me Godly, sound insight and furthered me along in this process of healing and reawakening. I sat down in his office feeling a little down, having back-slid a little in this healing process, and I left his office laughing, inspired, and full of faith and hope. Another amazing blessing.

I could continue on and on. People I don't even know really well have just been a little brighter, cheerier, and more joyful as I interact with them. Is it my new outlook, my changed perception? OR is it God extending His heart to me using these people of flesh and bone to bless me and lift me further and further up? Is it both?

Whatever it is, I know it is all of God, because He loves me so. He wraps His arms around me so often during my workday through the amazingly caring and giving staff that I work with. Who could ask for more?

They Are Everywhere.

I shouldn't be, but I am (again) amazed at how faithful God is to me. From one week ago, feeling like I'd never be able to breathe again to today feeling joyful and at peace. Prayer is SO powerful. God is the greatest comforter. He alone has comforted me and built me up again in so many ways. He also has surrounded me with angels who have gone above and beyond for me over the past week. I even found angels in some of the most unexpected places. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. I trust that God knows what is very best for me. I trust that He knows what I don't know, that He sees what I cannot see. I feel like a dark cloud has been lifted from over my head and has been replaced with sunshine. What a difference a few days can make when God is hard at work in your life. What HE wants will be. What HE does not want, will not be. I am content with that.

Thank You God for being so good to me and for blessing me as richly as you have. Thank You for the many lessons I have learned over the past week and even over the past months. Thank You for surrounding me with amazing people, family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. Thank You for the strength You've poured into me that I never dreamed I could muster. I stand in awe and in amazement at how skillfully and beautifully You restore me. In all things I praise You. In all my ways let me bring glory to You. In my storms and in my triumphs, You reign in majesty. Thank You for loving me so much more than I can even fathom!

I love You Lord.

Peace Again...At Last.

Spent some time yesterday and late this afternoon, as the sun went behind the house and shaded the yard, to lay on my back next to my little girl, in the cool green grass. We had beautiful moments together. Watching the sky and the leaves in the trees above blow in the breeze. We giggled together and just enjoyed nature and each other. We kicked our legs in the air together, which she found utterly hilarious. They were much needed, always remembered moments between a mom and her angel.

Thank you God for reminding me that my trials are truly minor and that I have ALL that I need and so much more. I am incredibly blessed in so many many ways. When I think of all that He has given me, it astonishes me that I could ever want for more. I had temporarily forgotten just how much I have been given. He gives and takes away. And it truly is alright. I am joyful. I am hopeful. I am His child. Blessed way beyond what I could ever dream for. Thank you my God. I love you deeply.

What's a little rain, anyway?

I can count a million times

People asking me how

I Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Holy, holy, holy Is the Lord God Almighty

--Mercy Me--

God, You've sheltered me and carried me through much bigger storms than this. I've always come out stronger because of the rain. While it may be storming now, I know that You are bigger than this pain. You will be praised through this. I will be stronger and closer to You because no matter what Satan tries to destroy within me, he WILL fail. I momentarily listened to his whispers, believed his lies, as the wind blew and the rain pelted my face stinging my skin and mixing with the tears. But then, I stopped. I looked up. I saw You. And while he continued to whisper in my ear, I finally stopped listening. He is a liar. He sought to kill and destroy me and while he may have destroyed what I thought was solid, it was simply earthly. I know that You are ALL that is solid. So I cling to You in this storm and I know that You hold me. I praise You in this storm. I praise You for what you are doing in me right at this very moment. I praise You for what You've shown me about myself and my worth over the past few days. You have plans for me, amazing plans. Bigger and better than what I dreamed. While I cannot see Your plan right now, just knowing that You are orchestrating it brings me peace and is worthy of my praise. Thank you God for this storm. I know You will be glorified in it. I know I will be better and stronger and able to serve You even more because of this momentary rain. Rain is what causes things to grow!

I am YOURS; daughter of THE King. And I am because of precious and mighty Jesus. In HIS name...AMEN!

Do-Overs

I just want to thank God today for the concept of forgiveness or as I need to call them from time to time: "Do-Overs". The only thing is, I wish I didn't need to use them as often as I do. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I know I cannot be the only one who feels as though they just keep needing a second, third, fourth, maybe 56th do-over. Right? One of the wonderful things about God is that He knows my heart, even when no one else does. He understands my heart even when no one else does. He knows when I mess up and I am genuinely disappointed about it. He sees my sorrowful heart and He forgives me...He grants the "do-over".

People on the other hand, not so easy sometimes. When we mess up and it effects the people in our lives and in our spheres of influence, they can't always see our heart-felt sorrow or the disappointment we feel because of our own actions. Sometimes they can see it and yet it is still hard to grant the "do-over". I wish we weren't that way. When people hurt us or wrong us...it can leave a mark or a scar. When we put our hand on a hot stove, we learn very quickly not to do that again. When we open up to someone, trust someone, allow someone into our worlds and they wrong us in some way, sometimes the reaction is not to do that EVER again--not to allow them the opportunity to hurt us (burn us) again. "Self-preservation"- some call it. It's so easy to just shut down, to close up, to withdraw.

I struggle against doing this because it is more than a silly term like "self preservation" is it unforgiveness. But unfortunately, it can be in my nature, from having been burned way too many times, in some circumstances. However, the key to all of this is seeking to know the heart of the offender. If I know someone has hurt me and left a burn mark on my heart, but I am able to determine that it was not intentional and that they hurt too that they caused me harm, I should forgive. It is tough to do sometimes even when the offender is truly sorry. But if they are truly sorry...it is critical. It is biblical...especially if we expect to be forgiven too.

Now, I would never recommend anyone putting themselves in harms way or at the mercy of someone who continually hurts them, wrongs them, cannot seek forgiveness, and does not make efforts to correct and change the issue. Those situations are markedly different. Forgive, but do not continue to allow the abuse...and if those are the circumstances...then it is abuse.

I want to thank my God today for all of the thousands of "do-overs" He's granted me and to those in my life who have granted them in the past and will grant them now and in the future. I make every effort to recognize my falters and failings and beg God to help change me daily. I also ask God to help me also grant those "do-overs" to those in my life who falter and fail effecting me as well. We all fall short. We all need forgiveness and "do-overs". God, help me to be like You. Help me to grant "do-overs" with a glad heart. Help me to start anew today with yet another clean slate. Help me treat others to a clean slate as well. Help me to leave past injuries behind me and to never revisit them on myself or on others. Help the scars to leave me smarter not harder.

---Because of your Precious Son...AMEN.

Breakfast Time Again

Have I told you guys yet just how much I love my job? Sometimes it can be overwhelming, I must confess. But the truth of it is, it only gets that way when I try to do it all by myself. Yes, it is MY job, but God gave it to me, knowing I could do it, but only leaning on Him and with His strength. It is when I think it is all on my shoulders, that I begin to buckle under the weight of it all. Yet another reason I love my job is that is brings me closer to Him, because I simply cannot do this job WELL, without Him. So I am constantly drawing nearer to Him in order to handle the load. That's pretty cool.

The reason for this post is that I was yet again touched by the Men's Breakfast this weekend at my church. The title of the message presented to these men was "Why Would a Christian Wife Cheat?" WOW! It was so good. I wish every man on the planet could have been there. At the end, they prayed, on their knees. They prayed: to be the husbands or future husbands that God designed them to be. They prayed over their marriages, their wives, and their leadership. I still can't get over the way it so deeply moves me, as a woman, to see a room FULL of men pray together...ON THEIR KNEES no less! It was awesome

One thing still bothers me about these things, though. I know that everyone that came to this was blessed by it. It couldn't be helped. The message was just that powerful. But I can't help but think that the men that were NOT there, are probably the men, in most cases, that needed to hear it the most. Their own spirituality could have been improved, their own marriages or future marriages could have been incredibly changed, their minds and hearts could have been impacted and blessed. I couldn't help but look around that room and think there need to be more men here. SO many men (and their wives) would've been changed and blessed by this, but sadly, were not. Instead, they had better things to do. Playing golf, sleeping in, thinking, "Hey, I don't need that, I'm not even married...I'll just catch the next one." Makes me a bit sad.

But all in all, it was awesome! It was a blessing to all who attended. I am so blessed to be a part of that ministry. I truly am.

Thank You God for allowing me to working in such an amazing place and in such crucial ministries. Continue to move that incredible message from yesterday within the hearts, souls, and minds of the men in attendance. Bless their efforts to be the strong Godly leaders in their relationships. Change their relational spirits to reflect that of Solomon and his beloved. Draw them ever nearer to You and to their wives. Help them to never forget what they heard this weekend. I come to you with all of this in Your Son's precious name...Amen.

Could it be...I THINK SO!!!

Isn't life mysterious? I mean, the way God can orchestrate things in our lives in ways that leave us simply baffled and in awe...I love that! There are many circumstances in my life and in the lives of several of my close friends right now that are nothing short of mysterious. I don't mean that in a Scoody Doo & Friends in the Mystery Machine kind of mysterious. I mean, mysterious in a spiritual, supernatural, "God-thing" kind of way.

Sometimes we have to just get out of the way and let Him do His thing. Some times we have to feel the pain, hit rock bottom, do it "our" way, get our hearts broken, get bumped and bruised and dragged through the mud in order to get to the destination He had in mind. Just because God's finger prints are all over circumstances in our lives, doesn't mean we get through them and get to where He wanted us to be, unscathed. In many many cases, the pain and hurt and the scars are part of what He needed us to experience in order to get us where He wanted us. He never promised us an unscathed life. Even in the most beautiful blessings He has placed in my life, I had to go through unspeakable pain and anguish to arrive there! AND even in the midst of the sweet place He wanted me to be, there can still be more pain and tough lessons to be learned. I hope none of us are under the impression that at some point we will "have arrived". And that then everything will be smooth sailing from that point forward. In this fallen world, life does not work that way. It simply doesn't. BUT, in all things rejoice. If you are hurting, but striving to live His way--rejoice, knowing you are in His hands and on a path to blessings you cannot yet fathom or comprehend. If you are on a mountain top of fulfillment and happiness know that even in the most wonderful, knock-your-socks-off times in our lives eventually there will come trials and difficulties. It is inevitable.

I have personally been blessed in some very surprising and wonderful ways over the past year, and yet, I still have lessons to learn even within those blessings. I know not to get too comfortable in this life. There are always new challenges, new lessons, and an enemy who knows no concept of "letting up" on the pressure. But I know that in all of the trials AND all of the blessings...God is there. His hands are all over all of it! His fingerprints are everywhere. He can turn everything around for HIS glory and bless your socks off! He can heal a broken, bleeding heart. He can mend wrongs between friends. He can heal the sick. He can give comfort to the lonely. He can grant forgiveness. He can restore purity. He can orchestrate circumstances in our lives and use people who have hurt us to lead us to our healing. The painful experiences and the hurtful people who have cut you to the core may have just been the conduit to help you get to where HE wanted you to be all along. Look for it. See what He's done. See what He is doing. He can do anything! He's done it in my life over and over, and I see Him doing it in the lives of others I know too.

God, thank You for all of the struggles, trials, pain, and heartbreak I have experienced. You used them to point the way to where I needed to be. I see you doing that in the lives of others too. Thank you for helping me to release in forgiveness those that hurt me in ways that were so deep and so painful that no one but You will ever fully understand. Help those that I have hurt deeply a long the way to release me as well, knowing that You can use the pain I have caused in others as a conduit to where they need to go too. Use it all for Your glory. And thank You for where You've led me. I know I have a long road to travel, but I see Your glory and Your blessings in the way You so intricately orchestrate it all for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your will. You surprise me and amaze me every single day, Father. Thank You.