Tug of War

Just a few days since my last post. What a difference. It is not as though there is sunshine, rainbows, and an angel chorus playing. But there is peace. There is a definite calm. It's hard to explain; that must be the part of it that passes all understanding. They say the spiritual battle is fought within the mind; I agree. Since I took all of that mental and emotional turmoil and laid it all the foot of His throne, my mind has been serene. The tug of war that was tormenting my mind just stopped, abruptly. The rope just fell to the ground. One side didn't win over the other; the battle simply ended without an actual ...ending. No answers came. Nothing was "fixed" or changed. The only thing different now, is the peace within me. Those issues all still exist. Nothing has changed in that regard, only that I am content with God handling them, not me. I'm not constantly mulling them over, reviewing, replaying, or trying to fix anything. I am open to God's direction and His plan. I do not feel the drive to force MY view point, my plans, my fixes, into the mix. If He needs to use me in them, I am available to Him. For now, I am calm and confident that He will create a good in each of these things that I could have never come up with using my feeble human mind. I've found great peace in that and in not having those circumstances plague my mind anymore. (Wow, that's what they did too. They plagued my mind, clouding it with distress and confusion!) What a difference it makes to give it over to the Father and leave it with Him.

Thanks God.

Extreme God!

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Ok, I've heard and read this verse more times than I can recall. And it's one of those that gets thrown out there when there is something "bothering or worrying" me. It's nice, huh? A great way to tell someone to stop worrying about things... but instead of it being chunked at me by a well-meaning friend or family-member (as it usually is)...this time God chunked it at me.

I say that because the man I heard speaking about this scripture had no idea that months later Carlotta would be buried up to her ears with worry and anxiety over a handful of different things during the month of November 2007 and would hear his message and need it specifically at that time. Those that "aired" the message didn't know any of that either. Even I didn't know I was inadvertently going to hear the message at this time. So the only orchestrator of all of that could be God.

What spoke to me most about that scripture THIS TIME is the use of extreme words. Extreme, as in... 'Don't worry about ANYTHING, pray about EVERYTHING, peace that exceeds ANYTHING we can understand.' It doesn't say, "you know Carlotta, there are those BIG things that it's really ok to worry about." I think we all have those things that if called out on it, we would argue are BIG enough that we cannot help but worry about. Other translations say "Be anxious about NOTHING". Good grief, is that even possible? If it weren't, I don't believe God would have so eloquently placed it in the Bible, via Paul. Plus, we know based on the rest of the scripture that if we give EVERYTHING to Him in prayer He will grant us peace that transcends ALL understanding. Even the most brilliant minds of our age cannot fathom the kind of peace God can grant in ALL of our circumstances. Even, and especially in the BIG ones that we are so prone to hang onto and worry about and focus on. So, He can really release me of all of that mental turmoil??? Really? Well, when does that happen? I've been praying, I've told Him everything on my mind, prayed until I am blue in the face. I've cried out to Him with the desires of my heart and the cares and concerns of my life. I've not spared Him any details, I've not left out anything. But the real question is...did I GIVE it to him? I shared it with Him in nauseating detail but then I cram it all back into my bag and take it with me as I leave the throne. What's the good in that? It's not as if He didn't know everything I shared with Him anyhow. He knows. But if I don't give it to Him and trust that He can and will handle it all, there's not much point to any of it.

So, my guess is that He got weary with His precious daughter (ME!) coming to Him filled with tears, hurt, pain, confusion, and unfulfilled desires, crying and broken at His feet but refusing to let go of it all. That would make me frustrated too. So He threw this verse at me through someone I don't even know. Probably hoping it might have more impact that way... Because He cares and He feels my pain deeply. He wants to give me peace. But I have to surrender these issues to Him. Why don't I? Am I afraid He will tell me what I don't want to hear? Perhaps. But how can that be...what He wants and what His plan is and what His timing is is FAR superior to mine. The end results will be far superior to ANYTHING I can come up with or imagine. It's a fact. It's true and yet I cling to all of these issues in my life.

Hello, can you say, STUPID? Ok, well, perhaps not stupid, but stubborn.

Dear God, right here, right now, I am letting go of it. I am releasing these cares onto You. They are now Yours to do with them as You see best. My ideals, my plans, my "fixes" are all so limited and weak. I do not know how, why, or when you will address all of them (and there are many as you know), but I am going to LIVE this scripture. I am going to trust in its truth and in its extreme wording. If anyone is extreme it is You. And it is going to take extreme faith and surrender on my part to let these go...but here they are. I am done with them. I give them over to you. Lock them up so I don't try to sneak in and take them back. I don't want them anymore. Keep them. Heal them. Change them. Correct them. Say NO if You must. Say Yes if You must. Do what must be done in all of these circumstances. And thank you SO much for doing what You will do. Thank You for all that You have already done. In Your Son's Precious Name...Amen.

Prayers of a 2 year old...

Although it shouldn't, it amazes me sometimes how healing children can be in the lives of the adults who love them.

A few of you know about my daughter praying for me about a month ago, but most probably don't. Yes, she is 2 years old and knew that her mom needed something that neither she nor anyone else could give. Heavenly Comfort. And let me say, she is a true angel because she tried and tried to comfort me at a time where there was just NO comfort to be found....until she gave up. But did she? How did she have this instinct to go higher? She's seen prayer many times, but mostly at meals and our bedtime ritual prayer. Neither of which I thought she really understood. And those events at this point are simply thanking God for our food or people and blessings in our lives. But that day, she gave up on the hugs and the kisses and every sweet face she could muster and she went to God. She folded her sweet hands and bowed her head and began mumbling words that were undecipherable to me. She had quite a bit to say, to my surprise. Then I recognized the ending..."AMEN! Ok now mommy?" (I get teary- eyed just recalling it again for you guys...)

How blessed am I? Truly? That whole moment touched me forever. I couldn't help but pull her close and smile and feel peace. I hate for her to see her mommy hurting and I try to shield her from it when I am able, but to know that she knew who to go to for help still amazes me. How precious and yet how simple. She knows. She's observant and perceptive. She's learned at a tender young age that prayer "makes things better". God can and will help if we call upon Him.

I admit that I am still struggling with some tough things, but her prayer that day and her heart to ease her mommy's pain is healing in and of itself, still. I know I can hurt, I know I can feel loss, I know I can ache, but I also know that life is good because God is good and He loves me immeasurably. I don't have all that I want all of the time, but I always always have all that I need and much more. She is a daily reminder of that. Even in my toughest moments, I am abundantly blessed in countless ways.

Precious children...I still contend I know exactly why Jesus loves them so and bid them, "Come unto me." They are pure, innocent, and even healing.

Thank you God for my little one and her amazing heart and spirit. I am MOST blessed!

What Do I Do?!?!?!

What do you do when someone tells you something they really want you to believe even though their eyes tell you something completely different? Like when you know someone well and they try to convince you they are "OK" when all indications scream that they are definitely not "OK"? I am struggling with that kind of dilemma today.

Quite a while back someone tried to convince me of something that I KNEW they weren't even convinced of themselves. There is an old saying that the eyes are the window to our souls. I fully believe that's true. If you know someone well, and by well I mean at soul-level, then even when their mouths say one thing you can read their eyes if you want to know the real deal. Most of the time when someone I care about is hiding how they feel I press them on it. Many times that is all that is needed to spark a conversation that is usually helpful. But there are those people that even when pressed are so hard-headed they will not give in. I know a few of people like that. And you guys (and gals) know who you are!

So back to my initial question, what do you do? Especially when they will not open up and be vulnerably honest? I have tried sitting back and letting them work through things on their own. I've tried reaching out. Nothing has worked. I've prayed until my knees are throbbing. I see them making decisions that are based on fear, not faith, and it scares me deeply for them. I see their eyes screaming the truth at me, and yet they continue on their way. It's tough to watch someone you care so much about making decisions and emotionally hiding out of fear. That only means one thing to me; they are listening to the whispers of the enemy. I feel helpless. Is there more I can do? I am praying. I am praying like a mad-woman. I want to do more. I want to be God's hands somehow. But I can't if I am not given access.

Here's what I want to say to this person: FEAR only GOD. Don't run from anything He places in your path. With Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Even that one thing you are so afraid of. Don't miss out on what He wants to bless you with just because you are afraid of your own struggles and weaknesses or someone else's. And that really is the point. If you trust in Him, He can exponentially bless that one thing you are so very much afraid of. Don't you see it? I do. Your eyes give you away. I see it. You cannot hide it from me, from yourself, or from Him. We all know. Let go and let God bless you. Stop running. Aren't you tired from all of that running? Stop. Give Him the opportunity to bless you the way He wants to. Don't treat Him as if He doesn't know what He's doing, what you need, or that He doesn't know your weaknesses. He knows it all. He will bless you anyway. He blesses us all DESPITE ourselves. Get out of the way!!! Fear and unbelief in what God can and will do will only bring to harvest life-long regrets and sadness. Hear me. Hear Him. Stop running. Stop it. Your eyes speak the truth and they are the windows to Your soul where the Holy Spirit resides and is screaming the truth through your eyes. You know the deal. You know you are hiding. It is time to come out of your hiding place and live again. REALLY live. Stop playing a part, stop playing the role of "I AM REALLY OK with this". You are playing a role and maybe you can fool everyone else, but I know, you know, and God knows the truth.

I don't know if my friend will read this. I don't know if they will recognize that it is for them. I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that I can't give up on what God placed on my heart. So, here I am again trying to reach out. Please reach back...even if it is a LONG reach. Stretch yourself. Risk it. God will protect you and bless you.

November Birthday

This month marks another birthday for me. Does anyone else get introspective around their birthday? I do. The actual number isn't the reason, but the events contained within the number warrant a review. Am I growing? Am I getting better? Is my relationship with God getting stronger and deeper? What do I still want to accomplish? How am I going to improve this year, over the last one. (Very similar to what people go through at New Years, I suppose.)

Jesus lived 33 years and made such an impact. I am about to embark on time here that He never had. I want to make it worthwhile and impactful. Not just for myself, but for others too. I want to be much more than I am today. I try not look back over the years and lament the hard times (there have been a few) because the hard times caused the most growth. I am glad for them even though they can still sting a little. It's hard to explain. I know more tough times are ahead, but that also means there is more growth ahead. So I am alright with that. Plus, I also know that there are many more wonderful times ahead as well. I know that as my years pass by, I am in God's hands. I am secure in that. I know that He will lead me, guide me, guard and protect me.

Please God, I pray that as I embark on another year of life that what I do in it will bring You joy and glory. I know I will stumble, it is going to happen. I know You will be there when I do and will dust me off and set me back on Your path for me. I thank you in advance for all that you will do in my life this year. I thank you for all that you will do in the lives of all of everyone that I love as well. I know You and believe Your Word and Your promises. You are my rock. The one I can always count on. My source of strength and security. Help me grow and become the woman You designed me to be. This year, what I want for my birthday is to bring You joy in how I live my life. But I will need Your help every step of the way. Because as we all know, on my own, I will mess it all up. But with You, I can bring You joy and glory, and that's what I want this year.

It's a little early for the candles yet, but if I had them now I'd blow them out, knowing what I want the most this year. Let this year not be about me, but You. Amen.

Satan's Puppet

What it is with "false guilt"? I've run into it among people I know twice lately, just in the last week. Why do we allow ourselves to be such easy targets for Satan? Why do we warp problematic circumstances and situations and decide to take them on our shoulders as if we created them...when we didn't? It surprises me how easy it is for Satan to bend and twist things and then feed them to us so easily as if we were hungry for them.

Last week I had a friend try to tell me that she was responsible for an ugly situation that she truly had ZERO to do with creating. It was almost bizarre! Why would she take something on and carry it around on her shoulders when she had absolutely nothing to do with it's creation. NOTHING. It is frustrating. Because from the outside looking in, it is blatantly obvious that Satan orchestrated the whole deal. I tried to reason with my friend and help her see clearly, but I am not sure if I did. See, because we find ourselves in a world with humans we can easily find many instances where things are completely messed up. And if we are gluttons for guilt (and MANY of us are for some ridiculous reason) then we can twist the facts to somehow become our fault and our responsibility when they simply aren't. And you know Satan just cackles in triumph when we do this. We are like puppets on his strings.

False guilt, which is what I am writing about, is one of Satan's specialties. It is based on personal feelings rather than facts. True guilt, which can be a good thing, is what we feel when we have sinned. That guilt can lead to Godly sorrow, confession, forgiveness, and repentance. False guilt is not of God, and it cannot be relieved unless and until it is seen for the lie and the deception that it is.

When you are bearing a burden and heavy-laden with guilt--stop and think. Use your brain. Think as rationally as you possibly can. Determine if you feel true guilt because you've sinned or if you are being manipulated by Satan and are feeling false guilt instead. You have to be clear and methodical. Please remember that you can be manipulated by Satan through others. It may be a statement your dad made. It may be something our friend, spouse, boyfriend, or whomever said that seemed innocuous at the time, but with Satan's help of course, we warp it into something it isn't and then drag around guilt and responsibility that does not belong to us. DON'T DO IT. I believe it's wrong. Don't be the puppet on Satan's strings.

God wants us as strong and as unburdened by Satan as we can possibly be. We cannot do that if we are bound up in Satan's strings, dancing for him at his whim. We've got to be stronger and wiser than that. We have to be on the lookout for false guilt. You may be right smack in the middle of an unfortunate situation or circumstance, but that does not necessarily mean that you created it or are responsible for it.

Let true guilt move you to get sin out of your life. But be intentional about recognizing false guilt in your life and cut the strings. Break free from that bondage. It keeps you from being the man or woman God wants you to be. Don't play a martyr for Satan, be the champion for God. Cut the strings; stop being the devil's puppet. Dance for God with no strings attached!

Hidden Fears

Do you have a hidden fear? One that always sits at the back of your mind, that haunts you in your alone time and quiet moments? Most of us do. I believe many are the same and many are quite different. Here's a few I believe may plague many people:

Am I going to be single forever?

Is my marriage forever destroyed?

Does he (or she) really love me?

What if I lose my job?

How will my family survive if something happens to me?

What if people find out about________?

What if he (or she) leaves me?

Would people really like me if they new the real me?

What if my friends found out that I struggle with __________?

Why can't I forgive myself for__________?

Am I ever going to stop hurting over _____________?

Why am I surrounded by people and still lonely?

How could I have hurt him (or her) like that?

Am I parenting well?

Am I always going to fail with relationships?

How will my child turn out as an adult?

Am I ever going to stop doing ____________?

Am I ever going to start doing ____________?

Why can't I change_______________?

How am I going to pay the bills?

What if people knew the truth about ___________?

I could probably come up with thousands of them. There are all sorts of things that gnaw at us. Some of us try our best to push them away, try to be "positive", deal with it "later", simply avoiding dealing with it at all. The reality of it is---we all have certain thoughts that plague us.

Why don't we hand them over to God? How simple that sounds, but how difficult it can be. Some things we just won't release. We cling to them. He'd have to PRY them out of our hands to get them away from us...but He won't! He won't. God does not work that way. We have to come to Him and lay our cares at His feet. He is the answer. We can wrestle with fears and habits and pasts, forever if we choose to. But why? It makes no sense. He wants to take them from us, but He won't do it forcefully. He requires that we hand them over willingly.

I know many people living with haunting fears questioning their mate's devotion, living with imminent financial desperation, palpable loneliness, past secrets, current demons and bad behaviors and so on. It eats away at them all the time, even when they don't realize it. It's exhausting to think about how much turmoil we have in our hearts and minds, that many times no one else in the world knows about that we choose to hang on to. We have a loving, caring, concerned, and more than ABLE to handle it God but we refuse to give them over. Why do we shut Him out that way? He longs to help us and we rob Him of that. We rob ourselves of the peace and joy that giving it all over to Him brings.

Think about those things that plague your mind and heart. You know exactly what they are, even if you are unwilling to admit them to anyone else. You know them...and you know them well. So does God. Isn't it time to let Him do what He does best? Give you relief, peace, and comfort? It's a WIN/WIN. He wins because He longs to help you and get greats joy from it, and you win because you finally get relief. Release it to Him. The wave of peace and relief that rushes over you will seem like it washes the weight of the world off your shoulders! Stop clinging to toxic fears, concerns, and worries. Live MIGHTILY...even in the deepest recesses of your heart and mind. Clean out the darkness that you've crammed in there. Let Him flood it with life and light! He will, but only if you come to Him. Do it...LIVE MIGHTILY!

Sowing Seeds

Discernment: 1 : the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure : skill in discerning 2 : an act of discerning
synonyms discernment, discrimination, perception, penetration, insight, acumen

Discernment is a term used in Christian tradition to describe the process of discerning God's will for one's life.

This is something that I am always seeking. And as I walk my path, God has been gracious by granting it to me. I am not saying that I have it down pat. I don't. But I have come a LONG way, and continue to do so. The toughest thing is dealing with others that don't like or don't agree with how discernment "fleshes out" in my life. But the truth is very cut and dried; I do not live my life to please others. I live my life to please God. I cannot put anyone else's ideals or "feelings" above His. (That is key in being able to be a discerning person.) And the more I know God, the closer I get to Him, the easier it is to discern His will in my life. So simple and so obvious. The better you know someone/anyone, the better you know what they think, believe, and want. It works that way with God too.

Because of discernment, there are some things I simply will not do. There are certain places I will not go. There are influences/influencers that I do not allow into my life. There are hard and fast boundaries that I have created that I will not cross. There are even people I will not co-mingle my life with. With all of these things in place you'd think my life would be very restricted, but in fact, I am more free today than I ever have been because I am not bound by others and by situations. Perhaps you are one of those people who might say, "So you are saying that there are people you avoid? Jesus hung out with ALL kinds of people. Good ones, bad ones, evil ones etc..." Yes, He did. And thank God He did. And yes, He is our role model. We should do all of those things with discernment and boundaries. I have had ALL kinds of people in my life and have invested time, care, concern, God's love, and even sometimes cold hard biblical truth. I have scattered many seeds. But sometimes we can pour all we have into nursing that one seed and becoming so engrossed in trying to MAKE it grow that we miss another opportunity to plant a seed. And what if that first one fell on nutrient-depleted, hard, dry ground? We can spin our wheels forever trying to make that situation work, but if the ground is not receptive and ready for the seed, it will not grow. In fact, the birds probably ate it the moment it hit the ground. God has granted me what I have prayed for for so long. Discernment and STRENGTH to leave those seeds in His capable hands and move forward. Even if those people/seeds don't understand. I still care about those people. I still pray for them. I still believe that God can and will do amazing things in their lives, but I can no longer be a part of that process. BECAUSE, I am susceptible. I am compassionate. I am tender-hearted. I can get too close. And I can be pulled under with them. I know this about me. God revealed it to me. It has happened on more than one occasion in my life. I will not allow that again. I am the sower of the seeds. Sometimes that is all I can be.

So the gift of discernment is a treasured thing. Learning now to not lose sleep over people who don't like the way it is used, and the way it fleshes out is critical. Those folks---the people who cut you down. The people who don't understand. They people who rage and those that gossip. The people who sneer and judge and talk behind your back. They are there. You probably know some of them by name. I do. And I am ok with that. You see, I used to spend way too much time worrying about all of that. The great thing is...I don't anymore. I rest peacefully in the arms of my God because I know He leads me. I know He helps me set those boundaries. He helps me to know when a seed fell on fertile soil or not. He helps me know when to push through and keep going working that seed, and when to get up and move forward, leaving things in His capable hands. That brings a deep peace and amazing freedom.

Discernment. Pray for it daily. Use it wisely. KNOW Him and it will be easier and easier to use.

Mark 4 (New Living Translation)
1 Once again Jesus began teaching by the lakeshore. A very large crowd soon gathered around him, so he got into a boat. Then he sat in the boat while all the people remained on the shore. 2 He taught them by telling many stories in the form of parables, such as this one:
3 “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. 4 As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it. 5 Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6 But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. 7 Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. 8 Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” 9 Then he said, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”
10 Later, when Jesus was alone with the twelve disciples and with the others who were gathered around, they asked him what the parables meant.
11 He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secret of the Kingdom of God. But I use parables for everything I say to outsiders, 12 so that the Scriptures might be fulfilled:
‘When they see what I do, they will learn nothing. When they hear what I say, they will not understand. Otherwise, they will turn to me and be forgiven.’”
13 Then Jesus said to them, “If you can’t understand the meaning of this parable, how will you understand all the other parables? 14 The farmer plants seed by taking God’s word to others. 15 The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message, only to have Satan come at once and take it away. 16 The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. 17 But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. 18 The seed that fell among the thorns represents others who hear God’s word, 19 but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. 20 And the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

Saved?

OK, I just want to poke and prod at you guys for a moment. Well, not so much at you in general, but at your understanding of God's Word. I am curious how you will answer my inquiry, or if you will at all.
What must one do in order to be saved? Think about your answer carefully. Then once you have your answer in mind, continue on.
I know lots of people who will answer that they need to believe in Christ and ask Him into their hearts...some will even throw in there that they must be baptized as well. So is that it? Is that what it takes in order to wind up in heaven when all is said and done? Which could lead me to ask you guys about your beliefs in the "once saved, always saved" mind-set, but I won't go there...this time. But I am sure if you are reading this, you have an opinion on that topic as well. But we'll save that for another time.
But my inquiry is, if you have a set of things one must do in order to be saved (i.e...believe in Him and ask Him into your heart, have a relationship with Him, maybe even get baptized and then you are all set...what do you do with Matthew 25:31-46?
Here, I will provide these verses:
The Final Judgment
31 “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. 42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. 43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’
44 “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’
45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’
46 “And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.”
Now I am sure these people believed in Him....I mean they do refer to Him as Lord and all. Perhaps they were even baptized. So how does this square up with what so many of us believe? What about us today? There are MILLIONS, I'd bet that believe in Him, have asked Him into their hearts, and have even been baptized, but do not do these things. What does that mean for them (us)? Will we not be saved? What if we do these things sometimes? Maybe when we are pushed or prodded into it by "church" or out of obligation? We are not and cannot be saved by works, right? So what do you think about this? What are your thoughts about my inquiry?I am not going to sway you with any insight or lack thereof on my part...

What a Rush!

I had a FABULOUS weekend! I have been given responsibility of a monthly event at work that was this past Saturday evening. The average attendance of this event is anywhere from 100 to 260 people. It is an event that has a good three week prep-time. No one who has been responsible for it before has really ever enjoyed putting this event together because it is very labor and detail intensive. And I have to be honest, I was a bit freaked out when they gave it to me. I did it last month, mostly on my own, but with a little "hand-holding" and it went off well. This month, I was totally on my own. And it went off without a hitch! It was awesome. There is a lot of preliminary set up and orchestration. Lots of data and spreadsheets and intricate detail go into an event that go unseen by the attendees. That's pretty much the point though. The attendee should just see it as a smooth flowing enjoyable hour and a half. I was so excited that it went so smoothly. I get a bit of a charge of taking over something that others think is too difficult and too unruly and has history of lots of minor and major hiccups and I conquer it. (Now, I've tried that with men too...ones that are difficult, unruly, and have histories of lots of disasters...not so much conquering there...LOL. I've given that up though...I'll stick with event coordination!)

I have the gift or affliction for attention to detail which allows me to function well in this role. Thankfully. And it works out great because the others that I assist/serve do not have that gift/affliction. We are all a really great team. It's nice to see a department/team function so well together and to have our strengths compliment each others so nicely. It's been a long time since I have worked in such an environment. I am SO blessed!

Just NOT That Into You! (or vice versa)

It seems to be an epidemic. Or maybe I am just now really noticing.

Why do people choose to settle? In relationships? I mean really. If that weren't the case, there wouldn't be such a demand for ridiculous books called "He's Just Not that Into You." Are we that lonely? Are we that unsure that God will provide what we desire? Are we that unhappy with ourselves that we'd rather settle than be with ourselves...alone? Makes me wonder.

I spoke this week with a friend of mine from work. She's in her late 20's and is in a new relationship. New being about six months into the process, and three years of friendship prior to dating. She knows that he is not anchored there with her. She knows he has someone else he's held up as "most ideal" in his heart, that he hasn't let go of. She senses his hesitation. She knows of his " other feelings". But yet, she stays. She hopes. She tries and tries. She waits. She wonders. She cries. I can wonder about all of this out loud (in writing) because I've done it. I am not just calling everyone else but myself out on this. I'VE DONE IT. And in the moment...I couldn't seem to help myself either. But when we waste precious time, precious life on someone who doesn't share the same level of connectedness and passion with us, and it eventually falls apart, it is devastating...WHY? Because we knew better. We knew we were making a fool's gamble. We knew we would lose and yet we played anyway. Is there anyone reading who hasn't done this? Perhaps. BUT I HAVE.

And what about the other side of this? What about the person who knows they "just aren't that into the other person romantically"? What about them? Ever been one of them? I HAVE. It's just as messed up as the other person's role. When that person knows they don't share the feelings, the connectedness, the commitment to the other, it will become a mess. It's wrong to subject that other person to that. Especially if you perpetrate it so well that they truly don't know how you feel (or don't feel, as the case may be). Sigh. I've been there, done that. Devastated people doing it.

So, what's the answer here? Gosh, wouldn't it be great if I knew? Am I just writing this to make observation? Do I usually do that? Nope. I don't. See, I recognize that in the beginning of a new relationship, feelings, and connections don't develop between two people at the exact same rate. In the beginning, those speeds are very rarely the exact same. But if there is a true connection, a true possibility of a future, they usually catch up to one another over time. And by time I don't mean three years, or even one... It's about the 4-8 month marker that both parties may have a good idea that something just isn't "right". And if both parties don't know, ONE does. So why when we get there do we not just bailout? Are we hoping it will just magically change? That we can magically develop what doesn't exist? DON'T!!!!

What concerns me most about this isn't the dating part, it isn't even so much, the anguish, like the girl at work, it is when we stick with it, no matter what erroneous role we play, and God-forbid take it into a marriage covenant. I know about these things!!!!!!! Then what!?!?! Then what?!?!?! Why not buck up and get out before you go there? Why not do the right thing, before you strap yourself in for life before GOD? Are we that afraid to be hurt and start over? Are we that invested by time that we can't bear to end it, knowing those months, sometimes years are all but gone? Are we just that insecure? Just that lonely? Just that selfish?

I don't have the perfect answer. I wish I did. I wish there was an easy fix to this epidemic that I observe. But it sure does help contribute to the explanation of the divorce rate. If it is not right...and you, in your heart of hearts, know it...don't keep on! I know it's difficult. I know it's painful. I know it's "HARD". I know you probably REALLY care for that person. Perhaps even love them. Perhaps are fearful of losing a friendship. Many reasons. Many easy ways to "justify" staying around. But believe me it will be worse if you continue on with the charade. It will be.

The girl at work, admits that she knows I am right. She knows his heart is not truly with her. She knows God wants better for her. And she cries. And she tries harder. But she doesn't walk away. I pray she will. OR I pray he will. She is young, beautiful, and a Godly woman. And yet, she is settling. But here is the REAL DEAL. God wants the BEST for us. Even in our romantic relationships. He wants us to have the best. HIM FIRST always, then HIS choice of mate for us. HIS CHOICE. If he or she is just not that into you...it is NOT God's best. If you are just not that into him or her... it is NOT God's best. Quit perpetrating a lie! Stop before it's too late. Step up. Be strong. Trust HIM.

My Love Story

It seems that when I simply don't think I can get through something, God shows me that I can. And then I think that even if I do get through it, I won't be the same...and I don't mean that in a good way. I think that if I do get through it, I'll get through it, "damaged". Why am I still so short-sighted sometimes?

Nothing I've ever been through, left me worse off than when I started...IF I got through it with God. In fact, quite the opposite. Every trial, every lesson learned, every pain and struggle has brought me further in my journey, has made me stronger, and to my own surprise brings me to a more joyful state of being and place in life than I was in before.

My life doesn't simply follow the old adage about what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. God has caused my life to reflect a step further; my life shows that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and adds a whole new level of joy I never anticipated or dreamed of. God has always been faithful to me in that way.

This year, thus far, has been a tremendous year in my life. Only one major hiccup and the truth is, that hiccup (which any regular reader knows was a heartbreak for me), that hiccup brought me further, caused great growth in me and taught me profound lessons and now, on the other side of that pain, has brought me joy. Great joy. Funny how short-sighted I was in the middle of my pain and struggle. Thinking I would not get through it and even if some miraculous way I did get through it, that I wold be more "damaged" than before. I was so wrong. SO wrong. My God, my Friend, My Counselor, and Shield, always gets me through and teaches me more and more and more. I wind up more joyful as He does damage control, He even corrected some past damage through all of it! SO not only did I get on the other side without new damage, I shed some old damage that I got "out in the world". I am better off at the end of a painful situation than I was before any of that whole situation even existed. AMAZING.

What a great God. What a love story we share. What joy He brings to me, even when I don't see how HE will possibly do it. He does. And then He goes above and beyond for me. What love.

Your Heart is Bad and You Know It!

So long as man remains no real threat to the Enemy, Satan's line to him is, "You're fine." But after a man takes sides, Satan's line becomes, "Your heart is bad, and you know it!"

-Taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge-

Is it any wonder so many men are crippled? Not physically, but emotionally and especially spiritually. Satan is a liar, a deceiver. As long as you're not a threat, he's cool with you. But, the minute you step up...he lies to you. He says all it takes to make you back away..."Your heart is bad, and you know it."

How many times have I seen this? I know people who listen to this line DAILY.

UGH!!!

STOP IT!

What Do You see?

Carlotta does not equal the sum of her physical characteristics.

There is MORE. I am more than my hair color. I am more than blue/green eyes. I am more than petite. I am more than my bra size. I am more than my painted toe nails. I am more than the smell of my perfume. I am more than the clothes I wear. I am more than long hair. I am more than what you see and judge on the outside. I am more than this fleshly wrapper that I wear.
I am the soul that lives within. Carlotta is more than what you can see, hear, smell, or touch. I am SO much more than all of those things.
Yet, most of the world sees only what they SEE. They think I am more than I am because they like what they see. OR...They think I am less than what I am because they don't like what they see. I am not a mud fence, yet I am not a barbie. Hmmmm. But, if I were either...I still would hold no more and no less value and treasure.
I am CARLOTTA. Unique. One of a kind. Not from a cookie cutter. A treasure. I run deep. I won't settle for mediocre. I won't be just another paper doll trapped by my connection to hundreds of others just like me. Nope. I am ME. More than just what you see. SO much more. And if you miss it because you don't look deep enough, if you can't get beyond the surface, if you see people as barbies or mud fences...thank God you missed it. I don't need short-sighted folks darkening my path. I quite enjoy the light of my path...no more "dark" allowed. I'll pray for you to see depth the next time you run across it. It is a far more beautiful world when you stop looking with your eyes and start seeing with your soul.
I see me. Do you?

Captivating

Next book: Captivating (by John and Stasi Eldredge)

Have you ever had God tell you that you need to read a book? I have. Ok, well, He didn't call me on the phone or come to my house to tell me. But in a matter of two days, two different ladies (not particularly close friends of mine either) told me that I really should read this book. The second day, I left the conversation with the second lady, got in my car, turned on the stereo and the people talking on the Christian talk-radio station, that the stereo was tuned to, were discussing that same book. OK, OK, I get it....I need to read this book. So, God didn't necessarily bang me over the head with the book, but He wasn't exactly subtle either...that's ok, I like that about Him.

The End...

I finished the book (Demon: A Memoir), Friday evening. It was one of those things that impacted me deeply, so deeply that I don't want the impact to fade, as most things do, over time. I think that the best thing for me to do is reread it again maybe a few times a year. I know me...I know human nature...I know life and I know if I don't keep those things fresh in my mind and in my heart...they may fade. I don't want that, I want the change to remain. I will let those of you who want to borrow my book to do so...but I do want it back! (And if you can, I would encourage you to buy it yourself. The author is new, this is her first book, support her and her talent by purchasing the book yourself. Just a suggestion, if you are able to do so. But if you cannot, I will certainly let you borrow my copy.)

Thanks for letting me rave about this book. I usually don't do that too often, unless I find the content worthwhile. And this one was amazing!

Are YOU Ready to Take Off the Blinders?

I bought the book that I mentioned in my previous post. WOW. I can hardly put it down. But I warn you, if you choose to read it, understand that you will never again look at the world, life, existence, spirituality, God's love and the ticking of each minute of the rest of your life in the same way ever again. This book completely strips away the spiritual blinders that we have placed on our own eyes. I am close to halfway through the book and cannot believe how differently this one book has made me look at my life, my spirit, my selfishness, my priorities, my God's unfathomable love for me, and the evil forces roaming through this fallen world. I cannot find the words to use to describe how completely and glaringly clear this writer makes our self-absorbed daily lives with the meaningless trappings we hold in such great value come into such clarity and brings our normal earthly priorities to a screeching halt in comparison to the BIG picture. I am completely riveted by this book and the paradigm change it WILL create in anyone who is bold enough to pick it up and read it will be life-changing. I am anxious to get the book finished. Again...WOW.

Demon: A Memoir

Have any of you heard of this book? Have any of you read it? I heard about it just today and did a little looking into it. I am not really into fictional reading, but I am kind of intrigued with how this book might read. I like a book or story that makes you get outside of your normal pattern of thinking. I read the first chapter of this book online and the writer, Tosca Lee, is definitely a talented story teller. Here is the story behind this story:

One day, as I drove the stretch of Nebraska road that leads to my acreage, I found myself wondering what it would be like to be angelic and fallen. Would I go around tempting people to lust, covet, envy... just for kicks? It seemed too shallow a motivation for any complex, spiritual creature. There had to be more to it.
Suddenly, I realized that being angelic and fallen was very similar to being human and fallen—except for one major difference: the provision of a messiah. I immediately wondered what it must feel like to be unquestionably damned—and worse, to watch humans luxuriate in and take for granted the grace made available to them from a doting God. And I thought: why wouldn't an angelic creation resent a human recipient of God’s grace? And why wouldn’t a demon want to prove that creature unworthy again and again as a result? Now I knew what it must feel like to be an angelic outsider looking in with jealous eyes and razored heart.
I re-read the story of God’s love affair with humans through this new lens and Demon: A Memoir was born.
And so walk with me now, and let me ask you: what if you made one mistake? One.
What if one moment you were worshipping the Mighty God and Creator that brought you into existence…
…and the next you were damned for eternity?
You had never seen sin, you had no experience with death, you had never felt separation from your god. But you had turned your worship to the greatest being under God in an impulsive moment that seemed to make sense at the time. You only belatedly realized that something had changed. You just weren’t sure what.
What if you watched as that same god replaced you in his affections with a baser, uglier, mortal breed—a creature made of clay. And what if you watched in horror as he breathed into their mud bodies the essence of his own spirit—a gift you had never received?
And what if they took every God-given thing considered precious by you for granted as they failed again and again… and then turned away from God altogether?
Would you feel some satisfaction when God, unable to allow them to continue, decided to destroy their world and all of the clay people along with it? And would that satisfaction be lost when you learned he couldn’t bear to kill them all, but had decided to spare a family—a seed group of those mud people to repopulate the earth?
What if you watched as God patiently taught them laws so they could stay in relationship with him… and they continued to do the same things that had ruined their relationship with him in the first place—and over and over again?
Remember: you only did one thing.
And what would you think if that same God decided, in a radical move, to become one of them, to take on that mud flesh forever, and to let them kill him, and to die for them, so they could be reconciled with him and with him again… forever?
You were supposed to be with him forever. You only did one thing.
And how would you feel upon knowing that not every mud person jumped at the chance to have that great gift that you feel so much more deserving of—only one thing—that the majority of the mud people decided they didn’t want or need?
Would you be jealous? Would you hate the mud people?
Would you want them to die?
Of course you would.

What do you guys think? Interesting concept for a book. Don't you think?

The Perfect Church!

For those who go around complaining that they cannot find the perfect church. Let me give you something to chew on. If you do find this perfect church, there would be a problem! The minute you go and join that church, it would no longer be perfect. That's a fact. Think about it.

Scripture Insight...What do You Think?

I listened to someone talk about this verse recently and I wanted to get your thoughts on it as well.

A man of great wrath (anger) will suffer punishment; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

What does this verse mean to you?

(I love Proverbs, I know, I know, I've told you guys that a million times, but it is like an instruction manual for life; real, everyday life! I love that.)

Eternal Wonder and Amazement

I cannot believe that my little one is almost two years old. (That pic was taken almost a year ago at her first birthday) That is just crazy! Where does time go? Its almost as though if you blink you miss it. She changes so much week after week. She's developing a really funny little sense of humor. She absolutely cracks me up. (She cracks herself up too, by the way.)

There are so many different things that I love about her. She is funny. She is sweet. She is strong-willed. She is confident. She is so very friendly. She doesn't know that she is not the center of the universe. She goes into a restaraunt a waves and says HI to everyone that passes by, without exception. And she certainly doesn't forget to wave bye bye to them as she is leaving, as if to annouce to everyone, "You can now go back to your boring little lives, the sunshine is now leaving the restaraunt!" She is fearless too. She sees something she wants to do and she goes for it with reckless abandon. She is also incredibly tough. I love that. No whiney babies here! She falls down, runs into something, whatever it is, she just shakes it off and keeps on going. I love it. She's only been noticably fearful of a handful of people in her whole life. But most people, she just loves instantly! She has no concept of cautiousness with her heart. I wish I was still like that. She has no concept of her inability to do something. She fully believes that she can do anything. I wish I was still like that. She is taken by wonder and amazement at the world around her all day, everyday. I wish I was still like that. She is unashamed. She will sing, dance, and groove her little self in the silliest of ways with no thought of "Do I look stupid to anyone?" She couldn't care less what other people think. I wish I was still like that. She trusts those around her. She has no concept of being let down or disappointed. I wish I was still like that.

Oh the wonder and innocence of children. I wish I still had that. It is no wonder that Jesus so loves the little children. They are so new, so fresh, so untainted and unjaded by this world of broken people. If only we could stay that way!

The great thing is...I believe with all of my heart, that is what Heaven will be like. All of the junk and funk that we all drag around with us here will be gone. It won't even be a bad memory. It simply won't exist. We will have no concept of that ever again. All will be renewed, refreshed, clean, pure and innocent. I cannot wait. Sometimes I just get weary from dealing with others junk and funk and dysfunction...as well as my own. It is wonderful to know there is an end to it. There is hope, promise, and renewal. There is heaven, there is an eternity with God himself. I cannot wait. We will all be children, full of wonder, awe, and amazement once again, never to be tainted or jaded. Pure innocence, love, worship, and fellowship with our creator forever and ever. Amazing to ponder, isn't it?

Change

You know, a butterfly must break free of his cocoon on his own. He must do the long hard work and push and pull and fight to get out of his cocoon. It takes quite a while if you've ever watched the process. It looks very painful actually. They struggle. They rest. They struggle some more. They fight and fight and fight their way out of there. It is a grueling process for these beautiful little creatures. If you have ever watched it, you want to help them. But if you do, if you help release them from their cocoon and they do not do the work themselves to get out...they will die. The struggle is what makes them strong enough to survive and then thrive. Not too different from me or you for that matter. Only that the beautiful butterfly only has to do this once. I've had to get out of my cocoon many times in my life. The metamorphosis is a beautiful one...but the struggle is so very hard. But if you see what emerges, it is so worth the struggle, it is exquisite and breathtaking!

In the spirit of, or inspired by, ineed2change.com, there are several things that I am working on changing in my life. I am excited and even a little nervous about some of these changes...but I am committed to a handful of changes that I feel I must make in order for me to be the ME that God is calling me to become. The ME that HE designed, not the me that I designed or the me that I feel/felt anyone else wanted me to be. I want to ask you guys to pray for me to push hard, be bold, have strength, and make these changes happen in my life. I've been at this kind of crossroad in my life before and have been able to fully rely on God to carry me through with the vision He put in my heart. Please pray that I am obedient to that again and that the results bring Him praise and glory again. I momentarily put on blinders, crawled into my cocoon of grief and hurt, and spent several days lamenting where my life is and where I thought it was going in the aftermath of having several beautiful dreams shattered into a million little pieces. Notice though, that I said momentarily. In my decision to not allow circumstances and people to change me, my heart, or my goals, I have come to a place where I have had to stop, think, make some choices, make some changes, and stretch out my wings again. I am just about to take off in flight. And while I know it will be exhilarating, I know it will be a little a little scary too. But sometimes in our lives certain things have to be done. Sometimes you have to be rocked to your very core to get you to the next place, the next step, the next level in your life that God wants to bring you to. I AM THERE. I am preparing to take that first step. I am just about to emerge again, unfold these wings and fly forward. FORWARD. Pray for me. I so want to bring Him glory, honor, and praise. I need to change. I need to change. I need to change. And so it begins... My metamorphosis!

I Found God's Heart...at the Office!

I work with some of the greatest people on the planet. I truly do. It's amazing to be able to go to work and sit down and pray, sing, laugh, cry, and deeply connect with your colleagues. Rare! There are people there that I have truly only known for a few months who have become so dear to me. People who truly care about me and my life. People who allow me into their lives and their hearts as well. They are just amazing.

Just today I had the sweetest person here, pull me aside and hug the stuffing out of me. She sees into my heart and knows that even though I am healing from my heartache, that it is not instantaneous. She isn't even in the same building, but makes an effort to stop by visit, make me laugh, and give me a big bear hug. What a blessing!

On Tuesday, I sat with another wonderful person while he prayed over my sister's surgery and the questions I am struggling with in my personal life. He gave me Godly, sound insight and furthered me along in this process of healing and reawakening. I sat down in his office feeling a little down, having back-slid a little in this healing process, and I left his office laughing, inspired, and full of faith and hope. Another amazing blessing.

I could continue on and on. People I don't even know really well have just been a little brighter, cheerier, and more joyful as I interact with them. Is it my new outlook, my changed perception? OR is it God extending His heart to me using these people of flesh and bone to bless me and lift me further and further up? Is it both?

Whatever it is, I know it is all of God, because He loves me so. He wraps His arms around me so often during my workday through the amazingly caring and giving staff that I work with. Who could ask for more?

They Are Everywhere.

I shouldn't be, but I am (again) amazed at how faithful God is to me. From one week ago, feeling like I'd never be able to breathe again to today feeling joyful and at peace. Prayer is SO powerful. God is the greatest comforter. He alone has comforted me and built me up again in so many ways. He also has surrounded me with angels who have gone above and beyond for me over the past week. I even found angels in some of the most unexpected places. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. I trust that God knows what is very best for me. I trust that He knows what I don't know, that He sees what I cannot see. I feel like a dark cloud has been lifted from over my head and has been replaced with sunshine. What a difference a few days can make when God is hard at work in your life. What HE wants will be. What HE does not want, will not be. I am content with that.

Thank You God for being so good to me and for blessing me as richly as you have. Thank You for the many lessons I have learned over the past week and even over the past months. Thank You for surrounding me with amazing people, family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. Thank You for the strength You've poured into me that I never dreamed I could muster. I stand in awe and in amazement at how skillfully and beautifully You restore me. In all things I praise You. In all my ways let me bring glory to You. In my storms and in my triumphs, You reign in majesty. Thank You for loving me so much more than I can even fathom!

I love You Lord.

Peace Again...At Last.

Spent some time yesterday and late this afternoon, as the sun went behind the house and shaded the yard, to lay on my back next to my little girl, in the cool green grass. We had beautiful moments together. Watching the sky and the leaves in the trees above blow in the breeze. We giggled together and just enjoyed nature and each other. We kicked our legs in the air together, which she found utterly hilarious. They were much needed, always remembered moments between a mom and her angel.

Thank you God for reminding me that my trials are truly minor and that I have ALL that I need and so much more. I am incredibly blessed in so many many ways. When I think of all that He has given me, it astonishes me that I could ever want for more. I had temporarily forgotten just how much I have been given. He gives and takes away. And it truly is alright. I am joyful. I am hopeful. I am His child. Blessed way beyond what I could ever dream for. Thank you my God. I love you deeply.

What's a little rain, anyway?

I can count a million times

People asking me how

I Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of

The dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Holy, holy, holy Is the Lord God Almighty

--Mercy Me--

God, You've sheltered me and carried me through much bigger storms than this. I've always come out stronger because of the rain. While it may be storming now, I know that You are bigger than this pain. You will be praised through this. I will be stronger and closer to You because no matter what Satan tries to destroy within me, he WILL fail. I momentarily listened to his whispers, believed his lies, as the wind blew and the rain pelted my face stinging my skin and mixing with the tears. But then, I stopped. I looked up. I saw You. And while he continued to whisper in my ear, I finally stopped listening. He is a liar. He sought to kill and destroy me and while he may have destroyed what I thought was solid, it was simply earthly. I know that You are ALL that is solid. So I cling to You in this storm and I know that You hold me. I praise You in this storm. I praise You for what you are doing in me right at this very moment. I praise You for what You've shown me about myself and my worth over the past few days. You have plans for me, amazing plans. Bigger and better than what I dreamed. While I cannot see Your plan right now, just knowing that You are orchestrating it brings me peace and is worthy of my praise. Thank you God for this storm. I know You will be glorified in it. I know I will be better and stronger and able to serve You even more because of this momentary rain. Rain is what causes things to grow!

I am YOURS; daughter of THE King. And I am because of precious and mighty Jesus. In HIS name...AMEN!

Do-Overs

I just want to thank God today for the concept of forgiveness or as I need to call them from time to time: "Do-Overs". The only thing is, I wish I didn't need to use them as often as I do. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I know I cannot be the only one who feels as though they just keep needing a second, third, fourth, maybe 56th do-over. Right? One of the wonderful things about God is that He knows my heart, even when no one else does. He understands my heart even when no one else does. He knows when I mess up and I am genuinely disappointed about it. He sees my sorrowful heart and He forgives me...He grants the "do-over".

People on the other hand, not so easy sometimes. When we mess up and it effects the people in our lives and in our spheres of influence, they can't always see our heart-felt sorrow or the disappointment we feel because of our own actions. Sometimes they can see it and yet it is still hard to grant the "do-over". I wish we weren't that way. When people hurt us or wrong us...it can leave a mark or a scar. When we put our hand on a hot stove, we learn very quickly not to do that again. When we open up to someone, trust someone, allow someone into our worlds and they wrong us in some way, sometimes the reaction is not to do that EVER again--not to allow them the opportunity to hurt us (burn us) again. "Self-preservation"- some call it. It's so easy to just shut down, to close up, to withdraw.

I struggle against doing this because it is more than a silly term like "self preservation" is it unforgiveness. But unfortunately, it can be in my nature, from having been burned way too many times, in some circumstances. However, the key to all of this is seeking to know the heart of the offender. If I know someone has hurt me and left a burn mark on my heart, but I am able to determine that it was not intentional and that they hurt too that they caused me harm, I should forgive. It is tough to do sometimes even when the offender is truly sorry. But if they are truly sorry...it is critical. It is biblical...especially if we expect to be forgiven too.

Now, I would never recommend anyone putting themselves in harms way or at the mercy of someone who continually hurts them, wrongs them, cannot seek forgiveness, and does not make efforts to correct and change the issue. Those situations are markedly different. Forgive, but do not continue to allow the abuse...and if those are the circumstances...then it is abuse.

I want to thank my God today for all of the thousands of "do-overs" He's granted me and to those in my life who have granted them in the past and will grant them now and in the future. I make every effort to recognize my falters and failings and beg God to help change me daily. I also ask God to help me also grant those "do-overs" to those in my life who falter and fail effecting me as well. We all fall short. We all need forgiveness and "do-overs". God, help me to be like You. Help me to grant "do-overs" with a glad heart. Help me to start anew today with yet another clean slate. Help me treat others to a clean slate as well. Help me to leave past injuries behind me and to never revisit them on myself or on others. Help the scars to leave me smarter not harder.

---Because of your Precious Son...AMEN.

Breakfast Time Again

Have I told you guys yet just how much I love my job? Sometimes it can be overwhelming, I must confess. But the truth of it is, it only gets that way when I try to do it all by myself. Yes, it is MY job, but God gave it to me, knowing I could do it, but only leaning on Him and with His strength. It is when I think it is all on my shoulders, that I begin to buckle under the weight of it all. Yet another reason I love my job is that is brings me closer to Him, because I simply cannot do this job WELL, without Him. So I am constantly drawing nearer to Him in order to handle the load. That's pretty cool.

The reason for this post is that I was yet again touched by the Men's Breakfast this weekend at my church. The title of the message presented to these men was "Why Would a Christian Wife Cheat?" WOW! It was so good. I wish every man on the planet could have been there. At the end, they prayed, on their knees. They prayed: to be the husbands or future husbands that God designed them to be. They prayed over their marriages, their wives, and their leadership. I still can't get over the way it so deeply moves me, as a woman, to see a room FULL of men pray together...ON THEIR KNEES no less! It was awesome

One thing still bothers me about these things, though. I know that everyone that came to this was blessed by it. It couldn't be helped. The message was just that powerful. But I can't help but think that the men that were NOT there, are probably the men, in most cases, that needed to hear it the most. Their own spirituality could have been improved, their own marriages or future marriages could have been incredibly changed, their minds and hearts could have been impacted and blessed. I couldn't help but look around that room and think there need to be more men here. SO many men (and their wives) would've been changed and blessed by this, but sadly, were not. Instead, they had better things to do. Playing golf, sleeping in, thinking, "Hey, I don't need that, I'm not even married...I'll just catch the next one." Makes me a bit sad.

But all in all, it was awesome! It was a blessing to all who attended. I am so blessed to be a part of that ministry. I truly am.

Thank You God for allowing me to working in such an amazing place and in such crucial ministries. Continue to move that incredible message from yesterday within the hearts, souls, and minds of the men in attendance. Bless their efforts to be the strong Godly leaders in their relationships. Change their relational spirits to reflect that of Solomon and his beloved. Draw them ever nearer to You and to their wives. Help them to never forget what they heard this weekend. I come to you with all of this in Your Son's precious name...Amen.

Could it be...I THINK SO!!!

Isn't life mysterious? I mean, the way God can orchestrate things in our lives in ways that leave us simply baffled and in awe...I love that! There are many circumstances in my life and in the lives of several of my close friends right now that are nothing short of mysterious. I don't mean that in a Scoody Doo & Friends in the Mystery Machine kind of mysterious. I mean, mysterious in a spiritual, supernatural, "God-thing" kind of way.

Sometimes we have to just get out of the way and let Him do His thing. Some times we have to feel the pain, hit rock bottom, do it "our" way, get our hearts broken, get bumped and bruised and dragged through the mud in order to get to the destination He had in mind. Just because God's finger prints are all over circumstances in our lives, doesn't mean we get through them and get to where He wanted us to be, unscathed. In many many cases, the pain and hurt and the scars are part of what He needed us to experience in order to get us where He wanted us. He never promised us an unscathed life. Even in the most beautiful blessings He has placed in my life, I had to go through unspeakable pain and anguish to arrive there! AND even in the midst of the sweet place He wanted me to be, there can still be more pain and tough lessons to be learned. I hope none of us are under the impression that at some point we will "have arrived". And that then everything will be smooth sailing from that point forward. In this fallen world, life does not work that way. It simply doesn't. BUT, in all things rejoice. If you are hurting, but striving to live His way--rejoice, knowing you are in His hands and on a path to blessings you cannot yet fathom or comprehend. If you are on a mountain top of fulfillment and happiness know that even in the most wonderful, knock-your-socks-off times in our lives eventually there will come trials and difficulties. It is inevitable.

I have personally been blessed in some very surprising and wonderful ways over the past year, and yet, I still have lessons to learn even within those blessings. I know not to get too comfortable in this life. There are always new challenges, new lessons, and an enemy who knows no concept of "letting up" on the pressure. But I know that in all of the trials AND all of the blessings...God is there. His hands are all over all of it! His fingerprints are everywhere. He can turn everything around for HIS glory and bless your socks off! He can heal a broken, bleeding heart. He can mend wrongs between friends. He can heal the sick. He can give comfort to the lonely. He can grant forgiveness. He can restore purity. He can orchestrate circumstances in our lives and use people who have hurt us to lead us to our healing. The painful experiences and the hurtful people who have cut you to the core may have just been the conduit to help you get to where HE wanted you to be all along. Look for it. See what He's done. See what He is doing. He can do anything! He's done it in my life over and over, and I see Him doing it in the lives of others I know too.

God, thank You for all of the struggles, trials, pain, and heartbreak I have experienced. You used them to point the way to where I needed to be. I see you doing that in the lives of others too. Thank you for helping me to release in forgiveness those that hurt me in ways that were so deep and so painful that no one but You will ever fully understand. Help those that I have hurt deeply a long the way to release me as well, knowing that You can use the pain I have caused in others as a conduit to where they need to go too. Use it all for Your glory. And thank You for where You've led me. I know I have a long road to travel, but I see Your glory and Your blessings in the way You so intricately orchestrate it all for the good of those who love You and are called according to Your will. You surprise me and amaze me every single day, Father. Thank You.

Life...Abundantly.

For the VERY first time in my life I can honestly say, "I LOVE MY JOB!" To tell you the truth I never thought I'd be able to say that. Sad huh? I really thought that somewhere back down the road I had taken too many of those alternate turns that took me farther and farther away from things I truly enjoyed doing. The cost of doing what I do now is SO dwarfed by the joy of doing something I really love doing and working with people I truly enjoy working with. The cost of taking this job was purely financial. I had to take a big pay cut from what I used to make, before I took time out to be with Gracyn. To be honest though, I know God will handle the financial details. Plus, the payoff is SO worth the pay cut!

Life is all a matter of choices, isn't it? So many times we have to make sacrifices that sometimes seem SO BIG, in order to find the things that God wants to place in our lives. When we are obedient to Him and to the things He asks of us, the sacrifices we make soon pay off in ways we never dreamed of. That's been the case in my life in SO many areas...not just this job. When He places something in my life that I know I want and I know He wants me to have and I look at what I'd have to give up in order that have that blessing, sometimes giving those things up seems so difficult. But the payoff is SO MUCH MORE! Give up your foolish pride and live with your folks; get an amazing family environment for you and your child at a crucial time in both of your lives. Give up a sinful lifestyle full of sinful influences; get peace, forgiveness, and Godly friendships. Give up a big paycheck; get a job you can't wait to go to everyday. Give up an unhealthy relationship; get more peace than you dreamed existed. Give up yourself, surrender your life to Him; get salvation.

The more I give up, the more I let go of and surrender to God, the more and more He blesses me. It's like I give him a boulder (because in my eyes it is HUGE) and He gives me a mountain in return. I pray that I use all that He blesses me with to HIS glory and His work. I pray that I might continue to decrease so that He may continue to increase. I pray that I continue to have a spirit willing to give up physical things so that He can continue to bless me with the spiritual things. Lord, I pray when I am weak and hold too tightly to things of this earth that You send Your gentle spirit to remind me that I am just passing through and that what you want to give me is SO MUCH MORE than the trinkets of this life can give. Let the trinkets not consume me, CONSUME me Yourself, I will have all that I need and so much more! You came to give me life and to give it to me ABUNDANTLY!