Not Your Happiness But Your Holiness

Relationships require work. It doesn't matter if it is with God, your best friend, your parent, your spouse, your child, or your coworker or boss. All of them require some level of work in order to maintain them and to help them grow. The term work in regards to a relationship creates a negative connotation in some people's minds . So I will use the word "effort", even though I don't think anyone should shy away from work. It is fantasy-minded to believe that relationships that are good shouldn't require effort (or work). Anyone who believes that is going to be disillusioned and thus disappointed with relationships all of their life. ALL relationships require ongoing effort and maintenance to keep them afloat, healthy, and growing. Even the best and greatest romances have required significant effort. They do not "just happen".

Once we understand this and accept it, our relationships can be significantly better. And even more so if we are in a relationship with someone else who "gets it". You have to care enough about the other person though, in order to be able to make the efforts and take the time to nurture a relationship with them. That's where many of us fail. Selfishness isn't conducive to this process. We must be able to get beyond ourselves first and reach out to those in our lives. Sometimes, for all of us, it isn't easy or in our nature. But that's where God comes in. He is able to do all that we are unable to do. For Christians, He lives IN us and He can do far beyond anything we ask or imagine. He can get us beyond our selfish nature. He can help us show compassion when we feel none. He can help us relate to those we do not understand.

I have had people in my life that I just didn't understand. I didn't know why they took some things in ways I just didn't mean them. Or they were hyper-sensitive about things I thought were just silly. Or they had views or opinions that were just "way off" from mine. I understand having people that are very different relationally than I am. Maintaining and growing those relationships can be challenging. On my own, I will create wrecks of them...and I have. But with God, they can be beautiful and blessed relationships. I have one with a coworker of mine that I just thought I COULD NOT deal with. God has done what I could not do. He created understanding and compassion where I had NONE. He created a great relationship where I felt there was none to be had. That's the great thing about God being IN me. I have to say over and over, "I CANNOT DO THIS...but GOD CAN". And the truth is...HE CAN. I fall short in every relationship I am in. I just do. As a parent. As a daughter. As a sister. As a friend. As a coworker. As a child of The King. In all of my relationships. I always will fall short on my own. But when I admit that I am not enough and I allow Him to work THROUGH me, my relationships flourish. Even with those people that, on my own, I don't understand at all and I don't know how to relate to....I can do it WELL, because God who lives IN me.

This doesn't mean that I will always do things perfectly or even well. I still flounder around from time to time and try to handle things on my own. At those times I hurt people. I mis-speak. I don't do what I should do and I do do what I shouldn't do. I am imperfect and sometimes I try to do these things on my own. And I fail miserably. We all do. But God is gracious there too. He can help us regroup and get back on the right foot with the people in our lives that we care about. That's just a part of life and of relating to other people. They will hurt you, and you will hurt them. It's a fact. It's inevitable in life. But that's where GRACE comes in! Surround yourself with gracious people and ask God to grant you out-of-control graciousness as well. He will. It takes three to have a wonderful and growing relationship. THREE. You, the other person, and God. But when He gets involved it is SO worth it.

Don't cower away from amazing relationship potential because you don't feel that you can maintain them. Don't get me wrong, there are times when the other person is not morally or spiritually healthy enough to be in deep relationship with at that time. No one HAS to be in relationship with everyone else they know or meet. That's not possible or recommended. Be wise in choosing relationships. But always get in there with those you care for and those you respect, and especially those who cause growth in your life. Sometimes the most challenging relationships are the ones that cause us the most growth and most fulfillment. I heard my pastor say one time about marriage; "...it is not just about your happiness but your holiness". I think that can be said of most relationships. Growing them, maintaining them, and nurturing them can cause so much spiritual growth because you have to get OUTSIDE of yourself...that's where holiness begins! Don't bow out because you think you are not strong enough, deserving enough, good enough, or you are afraid of the effort. God can do what you cannot. He can be what you are not! He can and He is in you. Go for it. It's not about your happiness but your holiness. WOW.

(I also found that the subtitle of Gary Chapman's book Sacred Marriage says: What if God designed marriage more to make us holy than to make us happy? I haven't read the book at this point but it seems like a concept worth exploring.)

Memories Frozen in Time

In the book of Luke, Chapter 2 starts out with the birth of Jesus. Luke is not the only one in the Bible to tell this miraculous story, but there is a verse in Luke that really stood out to me this time. It is verse 19 that says: Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. She knew this was significant, this was precious and miraculous, she knew that this was a moment to remember for all time.

What do you think it means to treasure and ponder certain moments in your heart? There have been certain times in my life that I recognized at the time were highly significant moments. The kind of moment/s I didn't ever want to lose or fade. That is when the time is right to treasure and to ponder. For me, it is almost like shutting out the whole world except for that moment and mentally soaking in it and absorbing it in my heart to keep forever. For me I have to be intentional with those kinds of moments otherwise they fade, their meaning loses its potency. That's why I make a concerted effort to memorize the moment, treasure it and ponder it; the sounds, the smells, the voices, the feelings, the colors, all of it. Like Mary did. I have only a handful of moments like that, but they are as clear to me now as they were when they happened. There are some moments that I didn't do this and I wish I had, because time is a thief, it will rob you of the impact of certain moments if you aren't careful to treasure and ponder them in your heart and then lock them there.

I had a moment like that this weekend. I knew what its significance would be for me in the years to come and I refused to handle it lightly. So I treasured it, pondered it in my heart, and memorized every detail of it that I possibly could because I knew that exact moment and those exact circumstances would never again come my way and I knew it was to be treasured. And no matter what may occur, I will always have that beautiful time in my life to recall and cherish any time I choose, because I locked it in my mind and my heart.

Life is very short. It isn't always kind. However, there are beautiful moments that come along from time to time with the people we love and cherish the most. I believe we should see those moments for the significant blessings that they are and truly cherish them. Treasure them and ponder them in our hearts. We should follow Mary's example. Recognize significant moments and people in your life and lock them into your heart. You never know when a moment or a person will be gone... Cherish those once-in-a-lifetime moments on purpose. As you recall them later, even years down the road in crystal clarity, you will be so glad that you did. I am. I truly am.

'Cause You Gotta Have Friends!

I had a conversation this weekend with a great friend. We talked about all kinds of things. Silly nonsensical things. Deep and eternal things. We joked around and harassed each other and also prayed together. These are the moments that I love. Moments spent with wonderful people. Friendship is such an incredible thing.

There are friends that come and go. There are friends that are always there and always involved. There are friends that the miles cannot separate. There are friends that are more family than your actual family. There are friends that you know are real and deep. Friends are one of God's most beautiful blessings. Time and circumstances will show you who your friends truly are. The ones who never falter and who always are there after the dust settles in your life...those are the real treasures.

I thank God for all of my friends. I pray to one day be as dear a friend to them as they've been to me. Friendship is a gift like none other. Friends are angels that we know by name. Friends are family we would have chosen for ourselves. They are fiercely loyal and more supportive that the best jogging bra on the market! They stick up for you through thick and thin. They are the true jewels of life. Always there ready to pee their pants laughing with you or to empty a box of tissues crying with you. I adore my friends. Life teaches you who the real ones are. And I've been taught that God has been wildly gracious to me and blessed me with the gift of friendship with a wide array of eclectic people whom I am beyond thrilled to call my friends.

Hated?

Such a harsh word. HATE. Have you ever been hated? Really hated? Are you thinking, "of course" or "of course NOT"? Some of you are so sweet and so kind it would seem impossible for anyone to HATE you, right? Well, some say that about me too. BUT, some do not. I am hated. Some people in my past hate me, and for their reasons, I can completely understand. Some people in my present hate me, and for their reasons, I don't understand at all. In all cases, I don't like it. Does anyone ever like being hated?

Someone once said to me, "You try so hard to be a really NICE person, " and it is true. I do. But even those of us who make a genuine effort to be nice and kind to others can still be hated. Ask the people in my life and people who know me well. I am hated. Not by many. But the hatred exists all the same. However, as much as it hurts me and as confusing as it is to me, I found comfort.

Where else would I expect to find comfort but in the Bible. Someone sent this scripture to me via email because they knew I was wrestling with a certain situation in my life where hatred for me exists. I just can't stand it. And I certainly don't understand it. If I were mean, vicious, evil in some way, I could understand. If I took joy in others pain or if I intentionally went around hurting others, I would understand. But I'm just SO not that way. But it is OK. The scripture that was sent to me is John 15:18. It says, "If the world hates you, remember that it hated me first." Wow, Jesus was hated too. Much more hated than me. And yet, He was kind, caring, and many more wonderful things than I am. I mean He was perfect and good in every way. And yet, He too was hated. I find comfort in that.

The chapter goes on to remind us that we are no longer of this world and that we will be hated by this world. Those who hate you and cannot accept you as you are in Christ or cannot forgive you for wrongs done or wrongs perceived are of this world. The heart of Christ is love. He taught us by example the greatest lesson of forgiveness. I forgive those that hate me. I love them. I pray for them. I ask God to help them release the hatred from their hearts and their lives. I've been there, so I don't condemn them. I've lived in that skin before. I can tell you by name someone I truly hated. His name was Lee. I won't use a last name, it's not necessary. But even in as much as I hated him and felt he fully deserved every ounce of my hatred and disdain, I came to a place where I knew in my heart that I couldn't be walking with Christ, yet despising a fellow man, as horrible as I knew he was. It just isn't possible to walk with Christ with those demons plaguing your soul. I released Lee in forgiveness. He doesn't care. He doesn't want it or even think he needs it. But I needed to release him and to love him. God loves him and sent His Son to die for him too. So, I know what it is like to harbor hate and anger for others. I do. But I also know the joy and peace and power found in forgiveness.

So, I know that hatred exists. And while I don't like it, I also know that my Lord FULLY understands. Please take comfort in that too. If you have those in your life who hate you, persecute you, condemn you, and rage at your existence, take comfort. This world is not your home. If you are loved by this world, that's when you might get concerned. Check out the scriptures following John 15:18. Being hated isn't such a bad thing after all. Expect it. And love them anyway. Jesus does and He is our example. Love them. Pray for them. Forgive them. It is what Christ modeled for us. Being hated it hard, but it should be expected. When you struggle with it remember Christ's words in John 15:18.

Are you REALLY beautiful?

(Not that it doesn't apply to men- it does, my thoughts are that this topic is heavily an issue for women.)

Ladies, how much time do you spend a day on your appearance? If you really think about it, it can be a bit surprising. Time spent on your hair, your face, your clothes, your weight, nails, dieting, working out, etc... And when you aren't actually doing something regarding your appearance, how much time do you spend thinking about it. Am I too heavy/skinny, my hair is pitiful today, I need new clothes, I wish my teeth were straighter/whiter, etc...

I wonder if we were truthful and added up all of that time how much time it would truly be. We live in a time and place were appearances are at the forefront of everything. It's crazy! And it is so easy to get caught up in it. Don't get me wrong, I think we all should make an effort to look our best. We are children of the King. But when we spend more time focusing on the outer beauty and refining and refining it and we neglect the inner beauty, then there is an UGLY problem.

How beautiful is someone really when it is all on the outside? We all know people like this. I've met men who were gorgeous on the outside, but when you get to know them on the inside, they instantly become VERY unattractive! I've encountered the same thing with ladies. I know someone who is stunningly beautiful on the outside (tall, long blond hair, barbie-like) but the she is "as shallow as spit" and quite catty. When I think of her, I don't think beautiful, sadly I think ugly.

As children of God, how much time do we spend on our inside, our soul, our heart, focusing on others and on Him as opposed to ourselves? That is what real beauty is. The most beautiful women I know, may or may not be outwardly breath-taking. But they are deep, caring, sharing, generous, Godly women.

So, I am not at all saying not to make an effort to look nice, I do, and I always will, but I think the time we spend cultivating Godly inner beauty should far outweigh the time we spend thinking about and working on our outward beauty. And sometimes as a woman, I need a reminder of that from time to time. I heard one today, so I am sharing a reminder with you too.

The Office Christmas Party!

For many people, this brings to mind crazy stories from years past, for some it may bring back horribly embarrassing memories, and still for others it may bring to mind nothing more than a boring, obligatory gathering of coworkers that despise each other as much as the company they work for.

This year I went to the best one I've been to since I've been a working adult. Although, it could be because I work at one of the greatest places on the planet. What a blessing. Singing, sharing blessings, praying, eating, eating some more, laughing hysterically, lifting up God in praise. It was awesome. The place looked stunning. They sure do know how to make a breath-taking presentation, as always. But it wasn't only beautiful to the eye, it was beautiful to the soul. What more could you ask for in a party? Joy and real beauty. A party/celebration focused on God's love for us illustrated through His Son Christ Jesus. Very cool. It's such a joy to work here with so many amazing people with sincere hearts for the lost of this world and with boundless generosity to those less fortunate than themselves. It's wonderful to see so many different and dear friendships with strong foundations in Christ. Very cool thing. Lots and lots of love and a definite overdose of laughter and sugar.

Thank you God for blessing me above and beyond my wildest dreams. You always do. I pray that You drink up the praise we lifted up to You and that You rejoice in the joy we find in You. What a party! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of it and blessed by it. I am so proud and honored to be Your child.

Happy AND Healthy

It is said that laughter is the best medicine. Boy, that is true in so many ways and for so many "ailments". If you research it, you can find all kinds of documentation of illness and health improvement based on the mindset of the patient. But it is also good medicine for other ailments too, not just illness. Our whole life experience is better when we can laugh...a lot. Life is serious enough all by itself, why make it any more so by holding in laughter?

By this I mean, not being able to laugh at ourselves. I know many people who take themselves and life so seriously that they cannot laugh at themselves or anything that happens in their lives. We all know people like this. Perhaps some of us ARE people like this. But WHY? There is so much to be said for the soul that can laugh at itself. A soul that enjoys life even when it may be at their own expense. You see, if we cannot laugh when we make a dork of ourselves or if we mess up, that tension and embarrassment builds up. It becomes dangerous internal pressure. There are even harmful chemicals created in the body when we do this to ourselves. For some embarrassment makes them angry. Angry at themselves that they are not perfect, angry that someone else found it funny, angry that people are looking, embarrassed and fearful of what others are thinking about them, etc... This pressure builds up in people and it is unhealthy. I don't only mean mentally unhealthy. That kind of internal pressure and tension is toxic. There are chemicals released in the body during moments of joy and also in moments of stress and/or anger. I am obviously not a doctor but there are all kinds of published studies and such that document these chemicals. The benefits of the chemicals released during laughter and joy are incredible and health dangers of the chemicals released when in moments of stress, angry, embarrassment are quite scary. It's incredible to read what laughter and joy can do for your overall health. Check into it!

Don't take anymore time off of your precious life by being wound too tightly. Stop worrying or even thinking about what anyone else thinks! If you fall on your rear in the ice, if you lose a game, if you say something utterly stupid, whatever it is, LAUGH about it. Know that everyone else on the planet has those things happen to them too, regularly. Laugh and laugh hard, especially at yourself. Then move on. It is good for you!!! In so many many ways.

Tug of War

Just a few days since my last post. What a difference. It is not as though there is sunshine, rainbows, and an angel chorus playing. But there is peace. There is a definite calm. It's hard to explain; that must be the part of it that passes all understanding. They say the spiritual battle is fought within the mind; I agree. Since I took all of that mental and emotional turmoil and laid it all the foot of His throne, my mind has been serene. The tug of war that was tormenting my mind just stopped, abruptly. The rope just fell to the ground. One side didn't win over the other; the battle simply ended without an actual ...ending. No answers came. Nothing was "fixed" or changed. The only thing different now, is the peace within me. Those issues all still exist. Nothing has changed in that regard, only that I am content with God handling them, not me. I'm not constantly mulling them over, reviewing, replaying, or trying to fix anything. I am open to God's direction and His plan. I do not feel the drive to force MY view point, my plans, my fixes, into the mix. If He needs to use me in them, I am available to Him. For now, I am calm and confident that He will create a good in each of these things that I could have never come up with using my feeble human mind. I've found great peace in that and in not having those circumstances plague my mind anymore. (Wow, that's what they did too. They plagued my mind, clouding it with distress and confusion!) What a difference it makes to give it over to the Father and leave it with Him.

Thanks God.

Extreme God!

Philippians 4:6-7 (New Living Translation)
6 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Ok, I've heard and read this verse more times than I can recall. And it's one of those that gets thrown out there when there is something "bothering or worrying" me. It's nice, huh? A great way to tell someone to stop worrying about things... but instead of it being chunked at me by a well-meaning friend or family-member (as it usually is)...this time God chunked it at me.

I say that because the man I heard speaking about this scripture had no idea that months later Carlotta would be buried up to her ears with worry and anxiety over a handful of different things during the month of November 2007 and would hear his message and need it specifically at that time. Those that "aired" the message didn't know any of that either. Even I didn't know I was inadvertently going to hear the message at this time. So the only orchestrator of all of that could be God.

What spoke to me most about that scripture THIS TIME is the use of extreme words. Extreme, as in... 'Don't worry about ANYTHING, pray about EVERYTHING, peace that exceeds ANYTHING we can understand.' It doesn't say, "you know Carlotta, there are those BIG things that it's really ok to worry about." I think we all have those things that if called out on it, we would argue are BIG enough that we cannot help but worry about. Other translations say "Be anxious about NOTHING". Good grief, is that even possible? If it weren't, I don't believe God would have so eloquently placed it in the Bible, via Paul. Plus, we know based on the rest of the scripture that if we give EVERYTHING to Him in prayer He will grant us peace that transcends ALL understanding. Even the most brilliant minds of our age cannot fathom the kind of peace God can grant in ALL of our circumstances. Even, and especially in the BIG ones that we are so prone to hang onto and worry about and focus on. So, He can really release me of all of that mental turmoil??? Really? Well, when does that happen? I've been praying, I've told Him everything on my mind, prayed until I am blue in the face. I've cried out to Him with the desires of my heart and the cares and concerns of my life. I've not spared Him any details, I've not left out anything. But the real question is...did I GIVE it to him? I shared it with Him in nauseating detail but then I cram it all back into my bag and take it with me as I leave the throne. What's the good in that? It's not as if He didn't know everything I shared with Him anyhow. He knows. But if I don't give it to Him and trust that He can and will handle it all, there's not much point to any of it.

So, my guess is that He got weary with His precious daughter (ME!) coming to Him filled with tears, hurt, pain, confusion, and unfulfilled desires, crying and broken at His feet but refusing to let go of it all. That would make me frustrated too. So He threw this verse at me through someone I don't even know. Probably hoping it might have more impact that way... Because He cares and He feels my pain deeply. He wants to give me peace. But I have to surrender these issues to Him. Why don't I? Am I afraid He will tell me what I don't want to hear? Perhaps. But how can that be...what He wants and what His plan is and what His timing is is FAR superior to mine. The end results will be far superior to ANYTHING I can come up with or imagine. It's a fact. It's true and yet I cling to all of these issues in my life.

Hello, can you say, STUPID? Ok, well, perhaps not stupid, but stubborn.

Dear God, right here, right now, I am letting go of it. I am releasing these cares onto You. They are now Yours to do with them as You see best. My ideals, my plans, my "fixes" are all so limited and weak. I do not know how, why, or when you will address all of them (and there are many as you know), but I am going to LIVE this scripture. I am going to trust in its truth and in its extreme wording. If anyone is extreme it is You. And it is going to take extreme faith and surrender on my part to let these go...but here they are. I am done with them. I give them over to you. Lock them up so I don't try to sneak in and take them back. I don't want them anymore. Keep them. Heal them. Change them. Correct them. Say NO if You must. Say Yes if You must. Do what must be done in all of these circumstances. And thank you SO much for doing what You will do. Thank You for all that You have already done. In Your Son's Precious Name...Amen.

Prayers of a 2 year old...

Although it shouldn't, it amazes me sometimes how healing children can be in the lives of the adults who love them.

A few of you know about my daughter praying for me about a month ago, but most probably don't. Yes, she is 2 years old and knew that her mom needed something that neither she nor anyone else could give. Heavenly Comfort. And let me say, she is a true angel because she tried and tried to comfort me at a time where there was just NO comfort to be found....until she gave up. But did she? How did she have this instinct to go higher? She's seen prayer many times, but mostly at meals and our bedtime ritual prayer. Neither of which I thought she really understood. And those events at this point are simply thanking God for our food or people and blessings in our lives. But that day, she gave up on the hugs and the kisses and every sweet face she could muster and she went to God. She folded her sweet hands and bowed her head and began mumbling words that were undecipherable to me. She had quite a bit to say, to my surprise. Then I recognized the ending..."AMEN! Ok now mommy?" (I get teary- eyed just recalling it again for you guys...)

How blessed am I? Truly? That whole moment touched me forever. I couldn't help but pull her close and smile and feel peace. I hate for her to see her mommy hurting and I try to shield her from it when I am able, but to know that she knew who to go to for help still amazes me. How precious and yet how simple. She knows. She's observant and perceptive. She's learned at a tender young age that prayer "makes things better". God can and will help if we call upon Him.

I admit that I am still struggling with some tough things, but her prayer that day and her heart to ease her mommy's pain is healing in and of itself, still. I know I can hurt, I know I can feel loss, I know I can ache, but I also know that life is good because God is good and He loves me immeasurably. I don't have all that I want all of the time, but I always always have all that I need and much more. She is a daily reminder of that. Even in my toughest moments, I am abundantly blessed in countless ways.

Precious children...I still contend I know exactly why Jesus loves them so and bid them, "Come unto me." They are pure, innocent, and even healing.

Thank you God for my little one and her amazing heart and spirit. I am MOST blessed!

What Do I Do?!?!?!

What do you do when someone tells you something they really want you to believe even though their eyes tell you something completely different? Like when you know someone well and they try to convince you they are "OK" when all indications scream that they are definitely not "OK"? I am struggling with that kind of dilemma today.

Quite a while back someone tried to convince me of something that I KNEW they weren't even convinced of themselves. There is an old saying that the eyes are the window to our souls. I fully believe that's true. If you know someone well, and by well I mean at soul-level, then even when their mouths say one thing you can read their eyes if you want to know the real deal. Most of the time when someone I care about is hiding how they feel I press them on it. Many times that is all that is needed to spark a conversation that is usually helpful. But there are those people that even when pressed are so hard-headed they will not give in. I know a few of people like that. And you guys (and gals) know who you are!

So back to my initial question, what do you do? Especially when they will not open up and be vulnerably honest? I have tried sitting back and letting them work through things on their own. I've tried reaching out. Nothing has worked. I've prayed until my knees are throbbing. I see them making decisions that are based on fear, not faith, and it scares me deeply for them. I see their eyes screaming the truth at me, and yet they continue on their way. It's tough to watch someone you care so much about making decisions and emotionally hiding out of fear. That only means one thing to me; they are listening to the whispers of the enemy. I feel helpless. Is there more I can do? I am praying. I am praying like a mad-woman. I want to do more. I want to be God's hands somehow. But I can't if I am not given access.

Here's what I want to say to this person: FEAR only GOD. Don't run from anything He places in your path. With Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. Even that one thing you are so afraid of. Don't miss out on what He wants to bless you with just because you are afraid of your own struggles and weaknesses or someone else's. And that really is the point. If you trust in Him, He can exponentially bless that one thing you are so very much afraid of. Don't you see it? I do. Your eyes give you away. I see it. You cannot hide it from me, from yourself, or from Him. We all know. Let go and let God bless you. Stop running. Aren't you tired from all of that running? Stop. Give Him the opportunity to bless you the way He wants to. Don't treat Him as if He doesn't know what He's doing, what you need, or that He doesn't know your weaknesses. He knows it all. He will bless you anyway. He blesses us all DESPITE ourselves. Get out of the way!!! Fear and unbelief in what God can and will do will only bring to harvest life-long regrets and sadness. Hear me. Hear Him. Stop running. Stop it. Your eyes speak the truth and they are the windows to Your soul where the Holy Spirit resides and is screaming the truth through your eyes. You know the deal. You know you are hiding. It is time to come out of your hiding place and live again. REALLY live. Stop playing a part, stop playing the role of "I AM REALLY OK with this". You are playing a role and maybe you can fool everyone else, but I know, you know, and God knows the truth.

I don't know if my friend will read this. I don't know if they will recognize that it is for them. I don't know a lot of things, but I do know that I can't give up on what God placed on my heart. So, here I am again trying to reach out. Please reach back...even if it is a LONG reach. Stretch yourself. Risk it. God will protect you and bless you.

November Birthday

This month marks another birthday for me. Does anyone else get introspective around their birthday? I do. The actual number isn't the reason, but the events contained within the number warrant a review. Am I growing? Am I getting better? Is my relationship with God getting stronger and deeper? What do I still want to accomplish? How am I going to improve this year, over the last one. (Very similar to what people go through at New Years, I suppose.)

Jesus lived 33 years and made such an impact. I am about to embark on time here that He never had. I want to make it worthwhile and impactful. Not just for myself, but for others too. I want to be much more than I am today. I try not look back over the years and lament the hard times (there have been a few) because the hard times caused the most growth. I am glad for them even though they can still sting a little. It's hard to explain. I know more tough times are ahead, but that also means there is more growth ahead. So I am alright with that. Plus, I also know that there are many more wonderful times ahead as well. I know that as my years pass by, I am in God's hands. I am secure in that. I know that He will lead me, guide me, guard and protect me.

Please God, I pray that as I embark on another year of life that what I do in it will bring You joy and glory. I know I will stumble, it is going to happen. I know You will be there when I do and will dust me off and set me back on Your path for me. I thank you in advance for all that you will do in my life this year. I thank you for all that you will do in the lives of all of everyone that I love as well. I know You and believe Your Word and Your promises. You are my rock. The one I can always count on. My source of strength and security. Help me grow and become the woman You designed me to be. This year, what I want for my birthday is to bring You joy in how I live my life. But I will need Your help every step of the way. Because as we all know, on my own, I will mess it all up. But with You, I can bring You joy and glory, and that's what I want this year.

It's a little early for the candles yet, but if I had them now I'd blow them out, knowing what I want the most this year. Let this year not be about me, but You. Amen.

Satan's Puppet

What it is with "false guilt"? I've run into it among people I know twice lately, just in the last week. Why do we allow ourselves to be such easy targets for Satan? Why do we warp problematic circumstances and situations and decide to take them on our shoulders as if we created them...when we didn't? It surprises me how easy it is for Satan to bend and twist things and then feed them to us so easily as if we were hungry for them.

Last week I had a friend try to tell me that she was responsible for an ugly situation that she truly had ZERO to do with creating. It was almost bizarre! Why would she take something on and carry it around on her shoulders when she had absolutely nothing to do with it's creation. NOTHING. It is frustrating. Because from the outside looking in, it is blatantly obvious that Satan orchestrated the whole deal. I tried to reason with my friend and help her see clearly, but I am not sure if I did. See, because we find ourselves in a world with humans we can easily find many instances where things are completely messed up. And if we are gluttons for guilt (and MANY of us are for some ridiculous reason) then we can twist the facts to somehow become our fault and our responsibility when they simply aren't. And you know Satan just cackles in triumph when we do this. We are like puppets on his strings.

False guilt, which is what I am writing about, is one of Satan's specialties. It is based on personal feelings rather than facts. True guilt, which can be a good thing, is what we feel when we have sinned. That guilt can lead to Godly sorrow, confession, forgiveness, and repentance. False guilt is not of God, and it cannot be relieved unless and until it is seen for the lie and the deception that it is.

When you are bearing a burden and heavy-laden with guilt--stop and think. Use your brain. Think as rationally as you possibly can. Determine if you feel true guilt because you've sinned or if you are being manipulated by Satan and are feeling false guilt instead. You have to be clear and methodical. Please remember that you can be manipulated by Satan through others. It may be a statement your dad made. It may be something our friend, spouse, boyfriend, or whomever said that seemed innocuous at the time, but with Satan's help of course, we warp it into something it isn't and then drag around guilt and responsibility that does not belong to us. DON'T DO IT. I believe it's wrong. Don't be the puppet on Satan's strings.

God wants us as strong and as unburdened by Satan as we can possibly be. We cannot do that if we are bound up in Satan's strings, dancing for him at his whim. We've got to be stronger and wiser than that. We have to be on the lookout for false guilt. You may be right smack in the middle of an unfortunate situation or circumstance, but that does not necessarily mean that you created it or are responsible for it.

Let true guilt move you to get sin out of your life. But be intentional about recognizing false guilt in your life and cut the strings. Break free from that bondage. It keeps you from being the man or woman God wants you to be. Don't play a martyr for Satan, be the champion for God. Cut the strings; stop being the devil's puppet. Dance for God with no strings attached!

Hidden Fears

Do you have a hidden fear? One that always sits at the back of your mind, that haunts you in your alone time and quiet moments? Most of us do. I believe many are the same and many are quite different. Here's a few I believe may plague many people:

Am I going to be single forever?

Is my marriage forever destroyed?

Does he (or she) really love me?

What if I lose my job?

How will my family survive if something happens to me?

What if people find out about________?

What if he (or she) leaves me?

Would people really like me if they new the real me?

What if my friends found out that I struggle with __________?

Why can't I forgive myself for__________?

Am I ever going to stop hurting over _____________?

Why am I surrounded by people and still lonely?

How could I have hurt him (or her) like that?

Am I parenting well?

Am I always going to fail with relationships?

How will my child turn out as an adult?

Am I ever going to stop doing ____________?

Am I ever going to start doing ____________?

Why can't I change_______________?

How am I going to pay the bills?

What if people knew the truth about ___________?

I could probably come up with thousands of them. There are all sorts of things that gnaw at us. Some of us try our best to push them away, try to be "positive", deal with it "later", simply avoiding dealing with it at all. The reality of it is---we all have certain thoughts that plague us.

Why don't we hand them over to God? How simple that sounds, but how difficult it can be. Some things we just won't release. We cling to them. He'd have to PRY them out of our hands to get them away from us...but He won't! He won't. God does not work that way. We have to come to Him and lay our cares at His feet. He is the answer. We can wrestle with fears and habits and pasts, forever if we choose to. But why? It makes no sense. He wants to take them from us, but He won't do it forcefully. He requires that we hand them over willingly.

I know many people living with haunting fears questioning their mate's devotion, living with imminent financial desperation, palpable loneliness, past secrets, current demons and bad behaviors and so on. It eats away at them all the time, even when they don't realize it. It's exhausting to think about how much turmoil we have in our hearts and minds, that many times no one else in the world knows about that we choose to hang on to. We have a loving, caring, concerned, and more than ABLE to handle it God but we refuse to give them over. Why do we shut Him out that way? He longs to help us and we rob Him of that. We rob ourselves of the peace and joy that giving it all over to Him brings.

Think about those things that plague your mind and heart. You know exactly what they are, even if you are unwilling to admit them to anyone else. You know them...and you know them well. So does God. Isn't it time to let Him do what He does best? Give you relief, peace, and comfort? It's a WIN/WIN. He wins because He longs to help you and get greats joy from it, and you win because you finally get relief. Release it to Him. The wave of peace and relief that rushes over you will seem like it washes the weight of the world off your shoulders! Stop clinging to toxic fears, concerns, and worries. Live MIGHTILY...even in the deepest recesses of your heart and mind. Clean out the darkness that you've crammed in there. Let Him flood it with life and light! He will, but only if you come to Him. Do it...LIVE MIGHTILY!

Sowing Seeds

Discernment: 1 : the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure : skill in discerning 2 : an act of discerning
synonyms discernment, discrimination, perception, penetration, insight, acumen

Discernment is a term used in Christian tradition to describe the process of discerning God's will for one's life.

This is something that I am always seeking. And as I walk my path, God has been gracious by granting it to me. I am not saying that I have it down pat. I don't. But I have come a LONG way, and continue to do so. The toughest thing is dealing with others that don't like or don't agree with how discernment "fleshes out" in my life. But the truth is very cut and dried; I do not live my life to please others. I live my life to please God. I cannot put anyone else's ideals or "feelings" above His. (That is key in being able to be a discerning person.) And the more I know God, the closer I get to Him, the easier it is to discern His will in my life. So simple and so obvious. The better you know someone/anyone, the better you know what they think, believe, and want. It works that way with God too.

Because of discernment, there are some things I simply will not do. There are certain places I will not go. There are influences/influencers that I do not allow into my life. There are hard and fast boundaries that I have created that I will not cross. There are even people I will not co-mingle my life with. With all of these things in place you'd think my life would be very restricted, but in fact, I am more free today than I ever have been because I am not bound by others and by situations. Perhaps you are one of those people who might say, "So you are saying that there are people you avoid? Jesus hung out with ALL kinds of people. Good ones, bad ones, evil ones etc..." Yes, He did. And thank God He did. And yes, He is our role model. We should do all of those things with discernment and boundaries. I have had ALL kinds of people in my life and have invested time, care, concern, God's love, and even sometimes cold hard biblical truth. I have scattered many seeds. But sometimes we can pour all we have into nursing that one seed and becoming so engrossed in trying to MAKE it grow that we miss another opportunity to plant a seed. And what if that first one fell on nutrient-depleted, hard, dry ground? We can spin our wheels forever trying to make that situation work, but if the ground is not receptive and ready for the seed, it will not grow. In fact, the birds probably ate it the moment it hit the ground. God has granted me what I have prayed for for so long. Discernment and STRENGTH to leave those seeds in His capable hands and move forward. Even if those people/seeds don't understand. I still care about those people. I still pray for them. I still believe that God can and will do amazing things in their lives, but I can no longer be a part of that process. BECAUSE, I am susceptible. I am compassionate. I am tender-hearted. I can get too close. And I can be pulled under with them. I know this about me. God revealed it to me. It has happened on more than one occasion in my life. I will not allow that again. I am the sower of the seeds. Sometimes that is all I can be.

So the gift of discernment is a treasured thing. Learning now to not lose sleep over people who don't like the way it is used, and the way it fleshes out is critical. Those folks---the people who cut you down. The people who don't understand. They people who rage and those that gossip. The people who sneer and judge and talk behind your back. They are there. You probably know some of them by name. I do. And I am ok with that. You see, I used to spend way too much time worrying about all of that. The great thing is...I don't anymore. I rest peacefully in the arms of my God because I know He leads me. I know He helps me set those boundaries. He helps me to know when a seed fell on fertile soil or not. He helps me know when to push through and keep going working that seed, and when to get up and move forward, leaving things in His capable hands. That brings a deep peace and amazing freedom.

Discernment. Pray for it daily. Use it wisely. KNOW Him and it will be easier and easier to use.

Mark 4 (New Living Translation)
1 Once again Jesus began teaching by the lakeshore. A very large crowd soon gathered around him, so he got into a boat. Then he sat in the boat while all the people remained on the shore. 2 He taught them by telling many stories in the form of parables, such as this one:
3 “Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed. 4 As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it. 5 Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow. 6 But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died. 7 Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain. 8 Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew, and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!” 9 Then he said, “Anyone with ears to hear should listen and understand.”
10 Later, when Jesus was alone with the twelve disciples and with the others who were gathered around, they asked him what the parables meant.
11 He replied, “You are permitted to understand the secret of the Kingdom of God. But I use parables for everything I say to outsiders, 12 so that the Scriptures might be fulfilled:
‘When they see what I do, they will learn nothing. When they hear what I say, they will not understand. Otherwise, they will turn to me and be forgiven.’”
13 Then Jesus said to them, “If you can’t understand the meaning of this parable, how will you understand all the other parables? 14 The farmer plants seed by taking God’s word to others. 15 The seed that fell on the footpath represents those who hear the message, only to have Satan come at once and take it away. 16 The seed on the rocky soil represents those who hear the message and immediately receive it with joy. 17 But since they don’t have deep roots, they don’t last long. They fall away as soon as they have problems or are persecuted for believing God’s word. 18 The seed that fell among the thorns represents others who hear God’s word, 19 but all too quickly the message is crowded out by the worries of this life, the lure of wealth, and the desire for other things, so no fruit is produced. 20 And the seed that fell on good soil represents those who hear and accept God’s word and produce a harvest of thirty, sixty, or even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”

Saved?

OK, I just want to poke and prod at you guys for a moment. Well, not so much at you in general, but at your understanding of God's Word. I am curious how you will answer my inquiry, or if you will at all.
What must one do in order to be saved? Think about your answer carefully. Then once you have your answer in mind, continue on.
I know lots of people who will answer that they need to believe in Christ and ask Him into their hearts...some will even throw in there that they must be baptized as well. So is that it? Is that what it takes in order to wind up in heaven when all is said and done? Which could lead me to ask you guys about your beliefs in the "once saved, always saved" mind-set, but I won't go there...this time. But I am sure if you are reading this, you have an opinion on that topic as well. But we'll save that for another time.
But my inquiry is, if you have a set of things one must do in order to be saved (i.e...believe in Him and ask Him into your heart, have a relationship with Him, maybe even get baptized and then you are all set...what do you do with Matthew 25:31-46?
Here, I will provide these verses:
The Final Judgment
31 “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne. 32 All the nations will be gathered in his presence, and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. 33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. 36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? 39 When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. 42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. 43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’
44 “Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’
45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’
46 “And they will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous will go into eternal life.”
Now I am sure these people believed in Him....I mean they do refer to Him as Lord and all. Perhaps they were even baptized. So how does this square up with what so many of us believe? What about us today? There are MILLIONS, I'd bet that believe in Him, have asked Him into their hearts, and have even been baptized, but do not do these things. What does that mean for them (us)? Will we not be saved? What if we do these things sometimes? Maybe when we are pushed or prodded into it by "church" or out of obligation? We are not and cannot be saved by works, right? So what do you think about this? What are your thoughts about my inquiry?I am not going to sway you with any insight or lack thereof on my part...

What a Rush!

I had a FABULOUS weekend! I have been given responsibility of a monthly event at work that was this past Saturday evening. The average attendance of this event is anywhere from 100 to 260 people. It is an event that has a good three week prep-time. No one who has been responsible for it before has really ever enjoyed putting this event together because it is very labor and detail intensive. And I have to be honest, I was a bit freaked out when they gave it to me. I did it last month, mostly on my own, but with a little "hand-holding" and it went off well. This month, I was totally on my own. And it went off without a hitch! It was awesome. There is a lot of preliminary set up and orchestration. Lots of data and spreadsheets and intricate detail go into an event that go unseen by the attendees. That's pretty much the point though. The attendee should just see it as a smooth flowing enjoyable hour and a half. I was so excited that it went so smoothly. I get a bit of a charge of taking over something that others think is too difficult and too unruly and has history of lots of minor and major hiccups and I conquer it. (Now, I've tried that with men too...ones that are difficult, unruly, and have histories of lots of disasters...not so much conquering there...LOL. I've given that up though...I'll stick with event coordination!)

I have the gift or affliction for attention to detail which allows me to function well in this role. Thankfully. And it works out great because the others that I assist/serve do not have that gift/affliction. We are all a really great team. It's nice to see a department/team function so well together and to have our strengths compliment each others so nicely. It's been a long time since I have worked in such an environment. I am SO blessed!

Just NOT That Into You! (or vice versa)

It seems to be an epidemic. Or maybe I am just now really noticing.

Why do people choose to settle? In relationships? I mean really. If that weren't the case, there wouldn't be such a demand for ridiculous books called "He's Just Not that Into You." Are we that lonely? Are we that unsure that God will provide what we desire? Are we that unhappy with ourselves that we'd rather settle than be with ourselves...alone? Makes me wonder.

I spoke this week with a friend of mine from work. She's in her late 20's and is in a new relationship. New being about six months into the process, and three years of friendship prior to dating. She knows that he is not anchored there with her. She knows he has someone else he's held up as "most ideal" in his heart, that he hasn't let go of. She senses his hesitation. She knows of his " other feelings". But yet, she stays. She hopes. She tries and tries. She waits. She wonders. She cries. I can wonder about all of this out loud (in writing) because I've done it. I am not just calling everyone else but myself out on this. I'VE DONE IT. And in the moment...I couldn't seem to help myself either. But when we waste precious time, precious life on someone who doesn't share the same level of connectedness and passion with us, and it eventually falls apart, it is devastating...WHY? Because we knew better. We knew we were making a fool's gamble. We knew we would lose and yet we played anyway. Is there anyone reading who hasn't done this? Perhaps. BUT I HAVE.

And what about the other side of this? What about the person who knows they "just aren't that into the other person romantically"? What about them? Ever been one of them? I HAVE. It's just as messed up as the other person's role. When that person knows they don't share the feelings, the connectedness, the commitment to the other, it will become a mess. It's wrong to subject that other person to that. Especially if you perpetrate it so well that they truly don't know how you feel (or don't feel, as the case may be). Sigh. I've been there, done that. Devastated people doing it.

So, what's the answer here? Gosh, wouldn't it be great if I knew? Am I just writing this to make observation? Do I usually do that? Nope. I don't. See, I recognize that in the beginning of a new relationship, feelings, and connections don't develop between two people at the exact same rate. In the beginning, those speeds are very rarely the exact same. But if there is a true connection, a true possibility of a future, they usually catch up to one another over time. And by time I don't mean three years, or even one... It's about the 4-8 month marker that both parties may have a good idea that something just isn't "right". And if both parties don't know, ONE does. So why when we get there do we not just bailout? Are we hoping it will just magically change? That we can magically develop what doesn't exist? DON'T!!!!

What concerns me most about this isn't the dating part, it isn't even so much, the anguish, like the girl at work, it is when we stick with it, no matter what erroneous role we play, and God-forbid take it into a marriage covenant. I know about these things!!!!!!! Then what!?!?! Then what?!?!?! Why not buck up and get out before you go there? Why not do the right thing, before you strap yourself in for life before GOD? Are we that afraid to be hurt and start over? Are we that invested by time that we can't bear to end it, knowing those months, sometimes years are all but gone? Are we just that insecure? Just that lonely? Just that selfish?

I don't have the perfect answer. I wish I did. I wish there was an easy fix to this epidemic that I observe. But it sure does help contribute to the explanation of the divorce rate. If it is not right...and you, in your heart of hearts, know it...don't keep on! I know it's difficult. I know it's painful. I know it's "HARD". I know you probably REALLY care for that person. Perhaps even love them. Perhaps are fearful of losing a friendship. Many reasons. Many easy ways to "justify" staying around. But believe me it will be worse if you continue on with the charade. It will be.

The girl at work, admits that she knows I am right. She knows his heart is not truly with her. She knows God wants better for her. And she cries. And she tries harder. But she doesn't walk away. I pray she will. OR I pray he will. She is young, beautiful, and a Godly woman. And yet, she is settling. But here is the REAL DEAL. God wants the BEST for us. Even in our romantic relationships. He wants us to have the best. HIM FIRST always, then HIS choice of mate for us. HIS CHOICE. If he or she is just not that into you...it is NOT God's best. If you are just not that into him or her... it is NOT God's best. Quit perpetrating a lie! Stop before it's too late. Step up. Be strong. Trust HIM.

My Love Story

It seems that when I simply don't think I can get through something, God shows me that I can. And then I think that even if I do get through it, I won't be the same...and I don't mean that in a good way. I think that if I do get through it, I'll get through it, "damaged". Why am I still so short-sighted sometimes?

Nothing I've ever been through, left me worse off than when I started...IF I got through it with God. In fact, quite the opposite. Every trial, every lesson learned, every pain and struggle has brought me further in my journey, has made me stronger, and to my own surprise brings me to a more joyful state of being and place in life than I was in before.

My life doesn't simply follow the old adage about what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. God has caused my life to reflect a step further; my life shows that what doesn't kill me makes me stronger and adds a whole new level of joy I never anticipated or dreamed of. God has always been faithful to me in that way.

This year, thus far, has been a tremendous year in my life. Only one major hiccup and the truth is, that hiccup (which any regular reader knows was a heartbreak for me), that hiccup brought me further, caused great growth in me and taught me profound lessons and now, on the other side of that pain, has brought me joy. Great joy. Funny how short-sighted I was in the middle of my pain and struggle. Thinking I would not get through it and even if some miraculous way I did get through it, that I wold be more "damaged" than before. I was so wrong. SO wrong. My God, my Friend, My Counselor, and Shield, always gets me through and teaches me more and more and more. I wind up more joyful as He does damage control, He even corrected some past damage through all of it! SO not only did I get on the other side without new damage, I shed some old damage that I got "out in the world". I am better off at the end of a painful situation than I was before any of that whole situation even existed. AMAZING.

What a great God. What a love story we share. What joy He brings to me, even when I don't see how HE will possibly do it. He does. And then He goes above and beyond for me. What love.

Your Heart is Bad and You Know It!

So long as man remains no real threat to the Enemy, Satan's line to him is, "You're fine." But after a man takes sides, Satan's line becomes, "Your heart is bad, and you know it!"

-Taken from Wild at Heart by John Eldredge-

Is it any wonder so many men are crippled? Not physically, but emotionally and especially spiritually. Satan is a liar, a deceiver. As long as you're not a threat, he's cool with you. But, the minute you step up...he lies to you. He says all it takes to make you back away..."Your heart is bad, and you know it."

How many times have I seen this? I know people who listen to this line DAILY.

UGH!!!

STOP IT!

What Do You see?

Carlotta does not equal the sum of her physical characteristics.

There is MORE. I am more than my hair color. I am more than blue/green eyes. I am more than petite. I am more than my bra size. I am more than my painted toe nails. I am more than the smell of my perfume. I am more than the clothes I wear. I am more than long hair. I am more than what you see and judge on the outside. I am more than this fleshly wrapper that I wear.
I am the soul that lives within. Carlotta is more than what you can see, hear, smell, or touch. I am SO much more than all of those things.
Yet, most of the world sees only what they SEE. They think I am more than I am because they like what they see. OR...They think I am less than what I am because they don't like what they see. I am not a mud fence, yet I am not a barbie. Hmmmm. But, if I were either...I still would hold no more and no less value and treasure.
I am CARLOTTA. Unique. One of a kind. Not from a cookie cutter. A treasure. I run deep. I won't settle for mediocre. I won't be just another paper doll trapped by my connection to hundreds of others just like me. Nope. I am ME. More than just what you see. SO much more. And if you miss it because you don't look deep enough, if you can't get beyond the surface, if you see people as barbies or mud fences...thank God you missed it. I don't need short-sighted folks darkening my path. I quite enjoy the light of my path...no more "dark" allowed. I'll pray for you to see depth the next time you run across it. It is a far more beautiful world when you stop looking with your eyes and start seeing with your soul.
I see me. Do you?

Captivating

Next book: Captivating (by John and Stasi Eldredge)

Have you ever had God tell you that you need to read a book? I have. Ok, well, He didn't call me on the phone or come to my house to tell me. But in a matter of two days, two different ladies (not particularly close friends of mine either) told me that I really should read this book. The second day, I left the conversation with the second lady, got in my car, turned on the stereo and the people talking on the Christian talk-radio station, that the stereo was tuned to, were discussing that same book. OK, OK, I get it....I need to read this book. So, God didn't necessarily bang me over the head with the book, but He wasn't exactly subtle either...that's ok, I like that about Him.

The End...

I finished the book (Demon: A Memoir), Friday evening. It was one of those things that impacted me deeply, so deeply that I don't want the impact to fade, as most things do, over time. I think that the best thing for me to do is reread it again maybe a few times a year. I know me...I know human nature...I know life and I know if I don't keep those things fresh in my mind and in my heart...they may fade. I don't want that, I want the change to remain. I will let those of you who want to borrow my book to do so...but I do want it back! (And if you can, I would encourage you to buy it yourself. The author is new, this is her first book, support her and her talent by purchasing the book yourself. Just a suggestion, if you are able to do so. But if you cannot, I will certainly let you borrow my copy.)

Thanks for letting me rave about this book. I usually don't do that too often, unless I find the content worthwhile. And this one was amazing!

Are YOU Ready to Take Off the Blinders?

I bought the book that I mentioned in my previous post. WOW. I can hardly put it down. But I warn you, if you choose to read it, understand that you will never again look at the world, life, existence, spirituality, God's love and the ticking of each minute of the rest of your life in the same way ever again. This book completely strips away the spiritual blinders that we have placed on our own eyes. I am close to halfway through the book and cannot believe how differently this one book has made me look at my life, my spirit, my selfishness, my priorities, my God's unfathomable love for me, and the evil forces roaming through this fallen world. I cannot find the words to use to describe how completely and glaringly clear this writer makes our self-absorbed daily lives with the meaningless trappings we hold in such great value come into such clarity and brings our normal earthly priorities to a screeching halt in comparison to the BIG picture. I am completely riveted by this book and the paradigm change it WILL create in anyone who is bold enough to pick it up and read it will be life-changing. I am anxious to get the book finished. Again...WOW.

Demon: A Memoir

Have any of you heard of this book? Have any of you read it? I heard about it just today and did a little looking into it. I am not really into fictional reading, but I am kind of intrigued with how this book might read. I like a book or story that makes you get outside of your normal pattern of thinking. I read the first chapter of this book online and the writer, Tosca Lee, is definitely a talented story teller. Here is the story behind this story:

One day, as I drove the stretch of Nebraska road that leads to my acreage, I found myself wondering what it would be like to be angelic and fallen. Would I go around tempting people to lust, covet, envy... just for kicks? It seemed too shallow a motivation for any complex, spiritual creature. There had to be more to it.
Suddenly, I realized that being angelic and fallen was very similar to being human and fallen—except for one major difference: the provision of a messiah. I immediately wondered what it must feel like to be unquestionably damned—and worse, to watch humans luxuriate in and take for granted the grace made available to them from a doting God. And I thought: why wouldn't an angelic creation resent a human recipient of God’s grace? And why wouldn’t a demon want to prove that creature unworthy again and again as a result? Now I knew what it must feel like to be an angelic outsider looking in with jealous eyes and razored heart.
I re-read the story of God’s love affair with humans through this new lens and Demon: A Memoir was born.
And so walk with me now, and let me ask you: what if you made one mistake? One.
What if one moment you were worshipping the Mighty God and Creator that brought you into existence…
…and the next you were damned for eternity?
You had never seen sin, you had no experience with death, you had never felt separation from your god. But you had turned your worship to the greatest being under God in an impulsive moment that seemed to make sense at the time. You only belatedly realized that something had changed. You just weren’t sure what.
What if you watched as that same god replaced you in his affections with a baser, uglier, mortal breed—a creature made of clay. And what if you watched in horror as he breathed into their mud bodies the essence of his own spirit—a gift you had never received?
And what if they took every God-given thing considered precious by you for granted as they failed again and again… and then turned away from God altogether?
Would you feel some satisfaction when God, unable to allow them to continue, decided to destroy their world and all of the clay people along with it? And would that satisfaction be lost when you learned he couldn’t bear to kill them all, but had decided to spare a family—a seed group of those mud people to repopulate the earth?
What if you watched as God patiently taught them laws so they could stay in relationship with him… and they continued to do the same things that had ruined their relationship with him in the first place—and over and over again?
Remember: you only did one thing.
And what would you think if that same God decided, in a radical move, to become one of them, to take on that mud flesh forever, and to let them kill him, and to die for them, so they could be reconciled with him and with him again… forever?
You were supposed to be with him forever. You only did one thing.
And how would you feel upon knowing that not every mud person jumped at the chance to have that great gift that you feel so much more deserving of—only one thing—that the majority of the mud people decided they didn’t want or need?
Would you be jealous? Would you hate the mud people?
Would you want them to die?
Of course you would.

What do you guys think? Interesting concept for a book. Don't you think?

The Perfect Church!

For those who go around complaining that they cannot find the perfect church. Let me give you something to chew on. If you do find this perfect church, there would be a problem! The minute you go and join that church, it would no longer be perfect. That's a fact. Think about it.

Scripture Insight...What do You Think?

I listened to someone talk about this verse recently and I wanted to get your thoughts on it as well.

A man of great wrath (anger) will suffer punishment; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again. Proverbs 19:19

What does this verse mean to you?

(I love Proverbs, I know, I know, I've told you guys that a million times, but it is like an instruction manual for life; real, everyday life! I love that.)

Eternal Wonder and Amazement

I cannot believe that my little one is almost two years old. (That pic was taken almost a year ago at her first birthday) That is just crazy! Where does time go? Its almost as though if you blink you miss it. She changes so much week after week. She's developing a really funny little sense of humor. She absolutely cracks me up. (She cracks herself up too, by the way.)

There are so many different things that I love about her. She is funny. She is sweet. She is strong-willed. She is confident. She is so very friendly. She doesn't know that she is not the center of the universe. She goes into a restaraunt a waves and says HI to everyone that passes by, without exception. And she certainly doesn't forget to wave bye bye to them as she is leaving, as if to annouce to everyone, "You can now go back to your boring little lives, the sunshine is now leaving the restaraunt!" She is fearless too. She sees something she wants to do and she goes for it with reckless abandon. She is also incredibly tough. I love that. No whiney babies here! She falls down, runs into something, whatever it is, she just shakes it off and keeps on going. I love it. She's only been noticably fearful of a handful of people in her whole life. But most people, she just loves instantly! She has no concept of cautiousness with her heart. I wish I was still like that. She has no concept of her inability to do something. She fully believes that she can do anything. I wish I was still like that. She is taken by wonder and amazement at the world around her all day, everyday. I wish I was still like that. She is unashamed. She will sing, dance, and groove her little self in the silliest of ways with no thought of "Do I look stupid to anyone?" She couldn't care less what other people think. I wish I was still like that. She trusts those around her. She has no concept of being let down or disappointed. I wish I was still like that.

Oh the wonder and innocence of children. I wish I still had that. It is no wonder that Jesus so loves the little children. They are so new, so fresh, so untainted and unjaded by this world of broken people. If only we could stay that way!

The great thing is...I believe with all of my heart, that is what Heaven will be like. All of the junk and funk that we all drag around with us here will be gone. It won't even be a bad memory. It simply won't exist. We will have no concept of that ever again. All will be renewed, refreshed, clean, pure and innocent. I cannot wait. Sometimes I just get weary from dealing with others junk and funk and dysfunction...as well as my own. It is wonderful to know there is an end to it. There is hope, promise, and renewal. There is heaven, there is an eternity with God himself. I cannot wait. We will all be children, full of wonder, awe, and amazement once again, never to be tainted or jaded. Pure innocence, love, worship, and fellowship with our creator forever and ever. Amazing to ponder, isn't it?

Change

You know, a butterfly must break free of his cocoon on his own. He must do the long hard work and push and pull and fight to get out of his cocoon. It takes quite a while if you've ever watched the process. It looks very painful actually. They struggle. They rest. They struggle some more. They fight and fight and fight their way out of there. It is a grueling process for these beautiful little creatures. If you have ever watched it, you want to help them. But if you do, if you help release them from their cocoon and they do not do the work themselves to get out...they will die. The struggle is what makes them strong enough to survive and then thrive. Not too different from me or you for that matter. Only that the beautiful butterfly only has to do this once. I've had to get out of my cocoon many times in my life. The metamorphosis is a beautiful one...but the struggle is so very hard. But if you see what emerges, it is so worth the struggle, it is exquisite and breathtaking!

In the spirit of, or inspired by, ineed2change.com, there are several things that I am working on changing in my life. I am excited and even a little nervous about some of these changes...but I am committed to a handful of changes that I feel I must make in order for me to be the ME that God is calling me to become. The ME that HE designed, not the me that I designed or the me that I feel/felt anyone else wanted me to be. I want to ask you guys to pray for me to push hard, be bold, have strength, and make these changes happen in my life. I've been at this kind of crossroad in my life before and have been able to fully rely on God to carry me through with the vision He put in my heart. Please pray that I am obedient to that again and that the results bring Him praise and glory again. I momentarily put on blinders, crawled into my cocoon of grief and hurt, and spent several days lamenting where my life is and where I thought it was going in the aftermath of having several beautiful dreams shattered into a million little pieces. Notice though, that I said momentarily. In my decision to not allow circumstances and people to change me, my heart, or my goals, I have come to a place where I have had to stop, think, make some choices, make some changes, and stretch out my wings again. I am just about to take off in flight. And while I know it will be exhilarating, I know it will be a little a little scary too. But sometimes in our lives certain things have to be done. Sometimes you have to be rocked to your very core to get you to the next place, the next step, the next level in your life that God wants to bring you to. I AM THERE. I am preparing to take that first step. I am just about to emerge again, unfold these wings and fly forward. FORWARD. Pray for me. I so want to bring Him glory, honor, and praise. I need to change. I need to change. I need to change. And so it begins... My metamorphosis!

I Found God's Heart...at the Office!

I work with some of the greatest people on the planet. I truly do. It's amazing to be able to go to work and sit down and pray, sing, laugh, cry, and deeply connect with your colleagues. Rare! There are people there that I have truly only known for a few months who have become so dear to me. People who truly care about me and my life. People who allow me into their lives and their hearts as well. They are just amazing.

Just today I had the sweetest person here, pull me aside and hug the stuffing out of me. She sees into my heart and knows that even though I am healing from my heartache, that it is not instantaneous. She isn't even in the same building, but makes an effort to stop by visit, make me laugh, and give me a big bear hug. What a blessing!

On Tuesday, I sat with another wonderful person while he prayed over my sister's surgery and the questions I am struggling with in my personal life. He gave me Godly, sound insight and furthered me along in this process of healing and reawakening. I sat down in his office feeling a little down, having back-slid a little in this healing process, and I left his office laughing, inspired, and full of faith and hope. Another amazing blessing.

I could continue on and on. People I don't even know really well have just been a little brighter, cheerier, and more joyful as I interact with them. Is it my new outlook, my changed perception? OR is it God extending His heart to me using these people of flesh and bone to bless me and lift me further and further up? Is it both?

Whatever it is, I know it is all of God, because He loves me so. He wraps His arms around me so often during my workday through the amazingly caring and giving staff that I work with. Who could ask for more?